HowTo:Spell Volodymyr Zelenskyy
Greetings, all you dipshit, asshat Putin worshippers, and welcome to today's lesson on how to spell Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
You may think that the shirtless horse riding Putin is the alpha-leader of the world, but we know that beloved leader of Ukraine's popularity is greater, and thus, people worship him as the ultimate dude-bro head of state. Men have man-crushes on him and women are dying to see just how large his balls really are! We will show you, step by step,
a the way to correctly spell this great man's eloquent name. Are you ready? Sure? Double-sure? Let's begin.
The first part of this lesson is understanding. Understand that although the great man is by far superior to all you philistine Putin worshippers, he has a human need to spread his infinite love. The president (Jehovah bless his daggers) has a craving to bring love to all fifty million of his Ukrainian children and all seven billion walking-apes on Earth, even the dark-souled Russians. But he also needs love from others.
And the first step of loving someone is to spell their name correctly.
When the great man sits in his war-train-carriage in the nice cool afternoons in war-torn Ukraine (roughly 45 degrees centrifuge in the shade of RUSSIAN NUKES) sipping his pork-fat soda, (he does not pollute himself with the stroganoff-juice of the Bolsheviks!) it saddens him greatly to see great men such as Joe Biden, Boris Johnson, and even Kakun misspell him. In the great man's eyes, to misspell is to misluv (bad spelling intended). When he sees this, he cries tears out of his eyes, and even tears out of his enormous balls.“And in other news, Volo ... Vola ... Volare ... Oh-oh-oh-oh ...”
~ Kakun of UnNews“Just read the title already!”
Love, exciting and new
Why should we love this man you ask oh sinful ones? Silly question. I mean, look at this both manly yet adorably-boyish face! How can you not love him?
Let's do it!
We know you Putin ass-kissers have little patience for noble Ukrainian spelling. Therefore, we will lead you through this arduous path, slowly, but surely. There is a light at the end of this tunnel: the magnificent Ukraine president.
Step 1: VOLODYMYR
Think of how you spell that pitiful Vladimir Putin you adore so much. Now just change the VLA into the more masculine VOLO and the DIMIR into the more gentle DYMYR.
Step 1: OLEKSANDROVYCH
Now go to Wikipedia, and find out Putin's middle name, which is Vladimirovich. Apparently, Putin's mother was a big Kris Kristofferson fan, and so she named her son Vladimir Vladimirovich. In contrast, Zelenskyy's mother is a huge Jason Alexander fan, who ironically resembles Putin much more these days.
Step 1: ZELENSKYY
Once again, this is not the fascist-Putin you worshippers of villains know, but rather ZELENSKYY. It is very important that you rise above the stereotype of the typical ignorant, and never forget the second Y. This is the most important letter in our dear leader's name. That extra letter adds magic to his immenseness. In order to make sure you do not commit this grave error, we have created two mnemonic devices to choose from: "Volodymyr? DOUBLE YES!!" or "One y ordinary, two y makes immenseness!"
Putting this immensity together
And now, only the last phase remains. You must connect all the dots and let this great man-god have his joy:
Repeat after me:
- VOLO(not Vla) DYMYR (not dimir) ZELENSKYY(puta madres).
And now finally, the two grandiosities together:
- VOLODYMYR ZELENSKYY
There you have it! You see the end of the tunnel? You see this smiling face blocking the light? There is our president smiling and waiting with infinite gentility, patience and love. Smile and wait Mr. President, just smile and wait!
Want to make your own Volodymyr Zelenskyy piece and don't know how and you do not wish to shame your ancestors by misspellings? Have no fear, you can use this text here and paste it in your own article:
- Volodymyr Zelenskyy
By using this text, the user submits that he is in fact a Putin bootlicker ... no-good weasel ... too lazy to try any harder ... lastborn male bastard child.
We hereby conclude our glorious lesson. Henceforth all misspellers of the name VOLODYMYR ZELENSKYY shall be duly flogged, or at least cancelled by twitter. The rest of you can cower in your nuclear shelters. Not that it's going to do you any good. But at least you'll know how to mutter the name of Earth's testosterone filled yet gentle giant in your final hour:
Having trouble with spelling some ugly-ass names? Why not look at Benjamin Netanyahu. Granted, it's not Ukrainian, but it's just as ugly.