Portal:Art

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The Art Portal

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The word art may come from the Germanic word arsch, which, loosely translated, might mean "sexy ginger person." [1]

Art might be the expression of amazing talent and possibly not stupidity or lack of imagination. Art may be generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples may have practical applications, meaning that they might also be enjoyed by the working classes.

Art is commonly understood as the act of making love to things that look like nothing much like people and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.

As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion that honestly no one cares about.

  1. Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, may be an anagram of a descriptive term possibly commonly applied to artists.
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Featured Artistic Art Article

Women adored her, gay men wanted to be her. What else would you expect from Calvin Klein?

Pop-culture icon and lesbian role-model Frida Kahlo de Rivera (born Magdalena Carmen Frida "Caliente" Kahlo; July 6, 1907 – July 13, 1954) was an international painter known for her (yes, it's a her) ability to illustrate mustaches and unibrows in disturbingly accurate detail. Frida's life wasn't an easy one, but she made the most of it. One of the most recognizably influential artists of all time, her art, like her facial hair, is complex, fascinating and inspiring. This is her story.

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Come across a decent article on art? Well, make sure you wipe it clean, pervert. Then submit it for promotion.
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This Week's Featured Image

Charles Grodin Thinker.png

Yes, the Grodin Museum. The only art museum in the world showcasing works inspired by actor Charles Grodin, star of such timeless classics as Beethoven and Clifford. The museum had been closed since November for unknown reasons.

“Meh, I've seen better,” Matthew Cordell, an American resident of Paris, said Sunday. “It’s been a shitty confinement ... We chose to live in Paris because we love the museums so it’s really nice to be able to get out and see some art inspired by middle-of-the-road 90s family comedies about cute dogs.”

But mindless kids movies from your Millennial childhood aren't the only films highlighted in these sculptures, paintings, and other works of art.…

Archive Article credit: PF4Eva (more…)


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Art News on Uncyclopedia


Got an art-related news story? You can add it to this portal here.
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Highlighted Biography

Rolf Harris has long been forced to disguise his unnaturally long penis.

Rolf Harris was born in a swimming pool in Australia (though it was rumoured he was actually born in a kangaroo's pouch, hence his nickname "Rolfaroo"). Some say he was sent by Satan to rule the world (and KFC for that matter). He was initially christened Jake Peg, (adding "the" later on as an adult) and became a three-legged waltz champion, but his distant cousin Colonel Sanders, (himself a look-a-like of Rolf), was infuriated with this as it was scary for children seeing a picture of Rolf on several KFC advertisments. He paid for his extra leg to be removed and it was then used, in theory, for the 2nd line of the Swastika on the Nazi flag. All together now! Swastika on the Nazi flag....

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Art Quote

“All art is quite useless”

 Oscar Wilde

Got a funny quote that's vaguely related to art? (submit quote...)

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Did You Know...

  • ...that Morgan Freeman is also God?
  • ...that Man Ray was neither a real man nor a ray?
  • ...that Man Ray was neither a real man nor a ray?
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Further Reading

Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:

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Artsy Art Articles

Art | Photography | Poetry | First Gradeism | ASCII art | Bad Art | Surrealism | Dance | Music | Photoshop | Latte art | Look, It's Art | Graffiti | Fascism (Artistic Movement) | Literature | Artistic licence | Avant-Garde | HowTo:Draw Female Breasts | Abstract expressionism | Baby Impressionism | Conceptual Art | Architecture | UnBooks:Vincent Van Gogh's Things To Do on a Rainy Afternoon

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What You Can Do To Help

  • Find a remarkable article about art, artists, or Art, and suggest it for promotion
  • Help these arty articles. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic
  • Add sombre, boring or otherwise artistic quotes here
  • Found or made an image that'd look nice as a feature? Submit it here
  • Be as artistic as you possibly can
  • Steal a Rembrandt from somewhere and donate it to us
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