Portal:Art

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Art portal.

This is by far the most artistic portal you will ever find.



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Art is generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples have practical applications, meaning that they can also be enjoyed by the working classes.

Art is the expression of stupidity or lack of imagination. The word art comes from the Germanic word arsch, which, loosely translated, means "arrrgh"[1].

Art is commonly understood as the act of making love to things that look like nothing much like people and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.

As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion that honestly no one cares about.

  1. Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, an anagram of a descriptive term commonly applied to artists.

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Featured Artistic Art Article

The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art

On the 4th of December, 2019, The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to the art works of one of this countries premier young artists. Pau Pei, originally from the Chinese province of Onthera Dio, is presenting his latest collection “The Concentric Curiosities.” Below is a selection of some of the highlights of the collection for your perusal and prospective purchase.[1]

Pre-display purchases can be made over the phone and via the website. Payment methods taken are Cheque, money order, Credit card (Visa, Mastercard, Diner's Club and American Express accepted), Debit Card, Cash, Paypal, International Draft (excluding the Royal Bank of Nigeria), and Cash Passport.

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Come across a decent article on art? Well, make sure you wipe it clean, pervert. Then submit it for promotion.
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Art news on Uncyclopedia

Got an art-related news story? You can add it to this portal here.
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This Week's Featured Image

CorregioJupandIo.JPG

Centuries before the invention of Japanese Tentacle Porn, Italian Renaissance artist Antonio Allegri da Correggio was the leading figure in the seedy and oft-times disturbing world of 16th Century Cloud Porn. His paintings, such as Jupiter and Io (depicted above), changed hands for as much as 30 pieces of silver in private shops which were ever fearful of raids by the Italian Vice Squad after the material was made illegal in 1528 following the Cloud P case of the previous year, during which legal experts concluded that anyone exposed to such material was likely to themselves carry out acts of depravity upon innocent cumulonimbusi. Fucking wierdos.

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Selected biography

Women adored her, gay men wanted to be her. What else would you expect from Calvin Klein?

Pop-culture icon and lesbian role-model Frida Kahlo de Rivera (born Magdalena Carmen Frida "Caliente" Kahlo; July 6, 1907 – July 13, 1954) was an international painter known for her (yes, it's a her) ability to illustrate mustaches and unibrows in disturbingly accurate detail. Frida's life wasn't an easy one, but she made the most of it. One of the most recognizably influential artists of all time, her art, like her facial hair, is complex, fascinating and inspiring. This is her story.

Frida Kahlo was born July 6, 1907 near Mexico City. She was a tomboy at school (not in any way related to the fact that she already had a caterpillar on her upper lip at age six) and the leader of a group of rebellious, mostly male youngsters who became known for pulling tons of pranks and practical jokes. That's when the fun really begins for Frida.

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Further reading

Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:


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Art Quote

“If there's one thing I can't live without, it's dipping my hands in a cool, drippy vat of paint and admiring the sensation.”
– David Bowe


Got a funny quote that's vaguely related to art? Submit it.
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Did you know...

  • ...that Goya loved MS Paint?
  • ...that art is one with the Universe, which is one with nothing at all?
  • ...that Gilbert and George are quite strange?
  • ...that you can add to the pool of our knowledge here?

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Articles of utmost artistic value

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What You Can Do To Help

  • Find a remarkable article about art, artists, or Art, and suggest it for promotion
  • Help these arty articles. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic
  • Add sombre, boring or otherwise artistic quotes here
  • Found or made an image that'd look nice as a feature? Submit it here
  • Be as artistic as you possibly can
  • Steal a Rembrandt from somewhere and donate it to us


  1. Descriptions taken from the original “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art: A Visitors Guide” by Professor Oliver N Acute-Tell, curator of “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art”