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UnNews:Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices

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Monday, January 29, 2024

Activists deface a Pollock masterpiece.

NATIONAL GALLERY OF ART, Washington, D.C. -- Climate activists have thrown pumpkin soup at a painting by Jackson Pollock -- his famous Number 1, 1950 (also known as Lavender Mist). However, it took four hours for anyone to notice.

"Ladies and gentlemen," a museum curator warned, "a group of activists, some of them French, entered the museum and vandalized Pollock's Lavender Mist! We are working to restore this beautiful work of art."

Museum patrons were unfazed.

"Doesn't look any different to me," said one.

"We're not exactly Pollock scholars ourselves," said the curator. "I, for once, haven't even seen the Ed Harris movie."

"The Abyss?"

"Yeah. Never seen it in my life. But I did see T2 and it was the greatest movie I've seen in my life."

The museum is so ignorant of Pollock's portfolio that the frustrated (and perplexed) activists had to straight up confess.

"I guess all is forgiven," said one activist. "Nobody gives a shit."

As for why they committed the act, the activists cited oil's carbon footprint as well as food inequality in France. They blame countries such as France for breaking their climate pledges. Surveillance caught two activists wearing "FOOD RIPOSTE" T-shirts have at it.

"What's the most important thing?" they pondered. "Paint spills disguised as abstract modern art, or the right to a healthy and sustainable food, like McDonald's?"

"Our farming system is sick. Our farmers are dying at work."

The activists were arrested, and roasted. One officer told them, "Hey, soupheads. Wrong artist."


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