Portal:History

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The Hisory Portal

The authoritative guide to history... well, at least they used to be.

History is a form of propaganda dedicated to ensuring that people continue to hear the messages of two key groups: 1, the Nazis; and 2, the Confederacy.

Anything that does not pertain to the Nazis or the Confederacy is probably not history. The rest of the planet outside America and Nazi Germany considers this bloody annoying, except for France, who in Modern World History books, as a tribute to their pathetic military history, have been given countless sections. And we all know the only significant contribution of the French to modern civilisation is the Baguette.

This is shown by the fact that 88% of all history ever written has something to do with Adolf Hitler, German attempts to build an atomic bomb, the Battle of Gettysburg, Confederate efforts to build a useful submarine, and the fateful day that Rudolph Hess used the Fuhrer's time machine to go back and bring Stonewall Jackson to what was then the future to ensure a Nazi victory over the Empire of the Moon during World War II. (Full article...)

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The founder in all his glory.

The League of Nations was a competition that existed from June 28 1919 to April 20 1946 (It had only one season, known as World War 2), comprised of countries that take part in the game of War. Winning a war scores points for their team. In the event of a draw, the country with the most kills wins, or in case of a further tie, whoever firebombed the most schools. (See also: World domination high scores list)

The League of Nations was formed in 1919 in order to keep the score on which countries were most successful in military conquests, or just to prove what rubbish the French are.

Teams

There were 63 countries involved in the League of Nations by 1946, although some sissy countries were not involved. Each country is allowed as many soldiers, tanks, battleships and aeroplanes as they can afford during the season. However, this could irritate the other countries as they might feel threatened by the other team's power, increasing their chance of being on the offensive.

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Article credit: Braydie

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Just another day of philosophical debates between Jedi Socrates and Darth Plato.

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Image credit: Xiao Li

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Quote of the Day

“History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.”
~ Anatole France

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Highlighted Biography

Hatshepsut showing off a cylindrically shaped column to assembled masses on the banks of the Nile.

Hatshepsut (/hætˈʃɛpsʊt/; also Hatchepsut; meaning Foremost of Noble Ladies; 1508–1458 BC) was the first woman to become pharaoh in Ancient Egypt. She stood at about eight and half feet tall in very high heels, which was comparatively short in the early fifteenth century B.C.E.

Brief Overview

Hatshepsut was the only daughter of King Tuthmoses I, pharaoh of Egypt, Lord of the Nile and Master of Ceremonies at the Giza Souvenir Gift Shop. Tuthmoses fell out with the local priests in Memphis over their excessive worship of El-vis and so moved to Thebes in the Deep South of Egypt where crocodile wrestling was still the main cultural event on a Saturday night. The new capital suited 'Tutty' where he had built a large temple with a porch and papyrus decking where he would sit for hours in his sarong, whistling and scratching an extended royal belly.

Like all good Southerners, Hatshepsut was expected to marry into her own family - in this case her half-brother Tuthmoses Junior.

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Article credit: Romartus

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Did You Know...

…the last time American green cards were actually green was in 1964.

…in the 17th century, anvils were actually made of wood?

…at the age of 18, the Queen of England was a mechanic for the British Military.

…the first ford had a dodge engine.

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This Day in History

May 26 1862: President Lincoln signs into law the Homeless Act. This allows middle class americans with no money to steal over 160 acres from the poor.

(other days in history...)

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