Portal:History

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The Hisory Portal

The authoritative guide to history... well, at least they used to be.

History is a form of propaganda dedicated to ensuring that people continue to hear the messages of two key groups: 1, the Nazis; and 2, the Confederacy.

Anything that does not pertain to the Nazis or the Confederacy is probably not history. The rest of the planet outside America and Nazi Germany considers this bloody annoying, except for France, who in Modern World History books, as a tribute to their pathetic military history, have been given countless sections. And we all know the only significant contribution of the French to modern civilisation is the Baguette.

This is shown by the fact that 88% of all history ever written has something to do with Adolf Hitler, German attempts to build an atomic bomb, the Battle of Gettysburg, Confederate efforts to build a useful submarine, and the fateful day that Rudolph Hess used the Fuhrer's time machine to go back and bring Stonewall Jackson to what was then the future to ensure a Nazi victory over the Empire of the Moon during World War II. (Full article...)

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Highlighted Article

The founder in all his glory.

The League of Nations was a competition that existed from June 28 1919 to April 20 1946 (It had only one season, known as World War 2), comprised of countries that take part in the game of War. Winning a war scores points for their team. In the event of a draw, the country with the most kills wins, or in case of a further tie, whoever firebombed the most schools. (See also: World domination high scores list)

The League of Nations was formed in 1919 in order to keep the score on which countries were most successful in military conquests, or just to prove what rubbish the French are.

Teams

There were 63 countries involved in the League of Nations by 1946, although some sissy countries were not involved. Each country is allowed as many soldiers, tanks, battleships and aeroplanes as they can afford during the season. However, this could irritate the other countries as they might feel threatened by the other team's power, increasing their chance of being on the offensive.

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Article credit: Braydie

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Highlighted Picture

Just another day of philosophical debates between Jedi Socrates and Darth Plato.

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Image credit: Xiao Li

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Quote of the Day

“History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided.”
~ Konrad Adenauer

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Highlighted Biography

Ivan was known for his over-the-top fashion sense...

This article is Terrible. It’s about Ivan. Ivan was born in 1530 into a Russian royal yet noble family, as the son of Basil III. Ivan is remembered for his Reign of Terrible.

Infant and Toddler

When Ivan was an infant, there was nothing for his parents to yet suspect anything Terrible about him, except that he was Terribly colicky at times. However, Ivan started becoming quite Terrible almost exactly two years afterward, during the Terrible Twos as European historians would later describe that period of history. He was often quite cranky … and not just when he was colicky and Terrible. Ivan's father mysteriously died when Ivan was only three years old. Alas, Dad was discovered dead with a baby bottle in his mouth, just Terrible. (He would later redeem the situation by switching All the Russias to sippy cups so that nobody else could die from baby bottle suffocation...)

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Article credit: Ogopogo

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Did You Know...

… a baboon named Jackie became a private in the South African army in WW1

… at the age of 18, the Queen of England was a mechanic for the British Military.

… the last time American green cards were actually green was in 1964.

… the first ford had a dodge engine.

… Cleopatra wasnt egyptian, she was greek.

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This Day in History

May 26 1862: President Lincoln signs into law the Homeless Act. This allows middle class americans with no money to steal over 160 acres from the poor.

(other days in history...)

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