Class clown
Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen[edit | edit source]
500px Welcome to class. Please have a seat. Today's class is all about women. Women are better than men. Men are clowns. When I say "better" than men, I mean better. So let's start with vocabulary, okay? Yeah, so here are some of the ways one can also describe women as better than men:
- righteouser
- eleganter
- securer
- gracefuller
- smarterer
- cleverer
- smoother
- mysteriouser
- admirabler
- respectabler
- capabler
- adventurouser
- fashionabler
These are important adjectives. Actually, all adjectives are important.
First Lesson: Adjectives[edit | edit source]
Without adjectives we couldn't describe things, and this would make people hate each other. Consider this sentence:
| “ | The quick, brown fox leapt over the black, stinking rabbit poop. | ” |
Now consider this sentence with the adjectives removed:
 My poop smells just like roses, naturally.
|
| “ | The fox leapt over the poop. | ” |
See the importance?
Other kinds of words are important, too. Remove the prepositions:
| “ | The fox leapt the poop. | ” |
Remove the verb:
| “ | The fox the poop. | ” |
Now, remove the articles:
| “ | fox poop. | ” |
Do you see what we have done? We have cleverly alchemized foxes into adjectives. Since fox poop comes from foxes and rabbit poop from rabbits, this transformation of nouns into adjectives implies that we have craftily and mysteriously altered reality and mastered the arts of both language and shape-shifting.
Rabbits into adjectives too, people! Do you hear?!
Next Lesson: Adverbs[edit | edit source]
Adjectives, unlike other parts, of speech are remarkably powerful and surprisingly easy to understand, even for men. Other parts of speech are extremely ambiguous things and can be quite difficult to comprehend. Take adverbs, for example:
| “ | I am abundantly milky. | ” |
 Don't look at me like that!
|
Where is the adverb? Did you see it right away? You had to think about it, didn't you? That's because adverbs are tricky little devils.
Examine this sentence:
| “ | I vigorously milked the voracious cow-thing. | ” |
What do you think of that? Vigorously. Who'd have guessed it?
Look at this sentence -- this is perhaps the most insidious adverbage of all:
| “ | The fox milk spilled forth. | ” |
Can you find it? The adverb -- You can't, can you? That's what I'm talking about! Oh, it's there, silently hiding, lurking suspiciously, passively burrowing into your brain. And once there, it will never come out. Never. Adverbs are all around us all the time. They are like air. Clearly invisible, but always present, persistently squeezing into every little pore, sucking themselves into our lungs and then frantically spreading into our tissues throughout our bodies like ravenous, unquenchable succubi.
And that brings us back to the main topic of the day, women.
Final Lesson[edit | edit source]
Women can easily spot adverbs in any sentence right away, and unlike men, they don't have to think about it first. That's because classy women are scientifically proven to be foxy, and since we have already established that any noun can be used as an adjective, we can logically conclude that...
(Text Message Alert)
Sorry folks, but I'm actually the Dean here, and I am definitely not supposed to be up here pretending to teach this lousy class. But hey dudes, your real teacher just texted me saying they were stuck in traffic - I was only having a bit of fun with you guys, relax!