William Shatner's School of Acting

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William Shatner's School of Acting
WSSA.jpg
WSSA Official Logo
Motto:
Rectum nobiscum
(Act right with us)
Established:
1981
Accredited:
2015
Type:
Vocational
Endowment:
Magnum Cum Laudis
Dean:
Doris Day
Location:
San Rafael, California
Colors:
Goldenrod, Cornflower Blue and Chartreuse
  
Mascot:
Verne Troyer
After You Graduate
WalkOfFame.jpg
Yeah right, you wish.
A really cool learning institution I read about online!!!

<insert name here> on WSSA

Endorsed by the Film Actors' Guild, William Shatner's School of Acting, or WSSA, is a fully accredited University located in Marin County, California; known for its lush greenery and outrageous tuition costs.

Sample Class Syllabi

Bob Saget teaches Comedy 101

The following is a transcription from Bob Saget's lecture on Comedic Formula Day:

"Okay, first lesson. You have a lot to learn, class, so listen close..."


(Bob writes X, bitch. = funny on the whiteboard.)


"...Why saying, 'X, bitch.' is funny. Like in that Garden State loser's movie (as he's pointing at Zach Braff, who is sitting in the class, waving in humble acknowledgement) where the dude goes, 'Improv, bitch. Improv.'"

"Because you're a bitch yourself, you go ahead and say X twice, and if you're overacting you give a little nod and lean into it. Extreme sarcasm is construed if you throw in the self-acknowledgement of conveying new and/or pertinent information to the intended listener via expression or gesturing."

"This formula is demonstrated subtly here, watch the clip, morons."

"Any questions or can I move on?"

~Bob

Anjelica Houston teaches Drama 101

On the Subtle Drama Day Ms. Houston and Meryl Streep act out a scene from ancient Greece as the goddesses Hera (Çhera) and Aphrodite:

Anjelica: ...Okay, here's an example from archaic times that illustrates the use of language as it pertains to law. Please refer to your reading material, page 114, where it explains the shortening of the word language to law and why this is significant when acting all dramatic and stuff. On the count of three, follow the class prompt. Go!

Meryl: One, Two... Three!

File:Testicle.jpg
Turn to page 114, quick! This is the book she's referring to.

Humans (Class outloud, together?): We need money!!!

Aphrodite (to Çhera): What is this new word, 'money,' of which they seek?

Çhera (to Aphrodite with a slight sneer at the end): Apparently, they demand 'coinage' as an alternative to barter.

Aphrodite (to Çhera): (laughs) Well, what shall we give them?

Çhera (to Aphrodite): I know, I will drop the Ç from my name, and in 'redemption' I shall give them Law, the shortening of the word language.

Aphrodite (to Humans): Give us a human second, you worthless piddling imbeciles.

Çhera (to Aphrodite): Ooh, brilliant.

Aphrodite (to Çhera): That should give us a decade or so.


(They laugh maniacally for longer than necessary)


Aphrodite (to Çhera, regaining composure): Language to law in exchange for 'money' over bartering? Why change your name? The coinage is valueless.

Çhera (to Aphrodite): Hopefully they will understand that hint in time. The Ç is for the coinage of the double entendré.

Aphrodite (to Çhera with a facepalm): I do remember your lack of moderation in that matter.

Çhera (to Aphrodite): With the Ç, I want you to give them money and thus we will shorten my name to Hera.

Aphrodite (to Çhera): Really? (realization and snicker, [to humans]) Here, you lazy morons, trade these 'coins' then.

File:Walken.jpg
Christopher Walken teaches a tapdancing class to earn extra tuition credits.
File:William of Shatner.JPG
William Shatner  almost.. never makes just a cameo. It's.. always a royal affair.

(Aphrodite throws every student a bag of 'pirate coin chocolates,' aiming at their heads.)


Aphrodite (to Humans): Think fast!

Hera (to Aphrodite, after a pause): No need to be so dramatic about it.

Aphrodite (to Hera): I sure hope the word Lan turns out to be funny.

Hera (to Aphrodite): Or else?

Aphrodite (to Hera): At least the shortening of the proper noun Latin?

Hera (to Aphrodite): And not Lat? What's wrong with Lang? (laughs) It will be funny eventually.

Aphrodite (to Hera): But, to me?

Hera (to Aphrodite, friendly and matter-of-factly): Oh lighten up, bitch.


(Meryl Streep smiles, removes wig[?], does a "Bon Voyage" and exits stage left.)

Gary Oldman teaches Thespianism 101

The following is an excerpt of one of the sacred manuscripts you collect while attending this school. Gary Oldman passes this one out:

Directing For Dummies, a Screenplay by Quentin Tarantino

This film is scheduled to be released next summer, with a Troma print-date slated just in time for Christmas.

Fuck the PC Holiday bullshit, I'm targeting Christians with this epic blockbuster.

Lloyd Kaufman

Dreamworks and Pixar are teaming up for this 3D animation extravaganza I'm coining, Directing For Dummies: a real-life, behind-the-scenes look into the upcoming contest to win the title, World's Greatest Director. Keeping with the mocumentary-type storyline of Best in Show, think Waking Life but using Maya, because we can. Anyways, that's a wrap for me. Peace out, bitches!

~Quentin

'Directed' by

  • Stephen Spielberg
  • George Lucas, duh
  • Oliver Stone
  • John Waters
  • Peter "Kiwi" Jackson
  • Madonna Ritchie

Produced by

  • The Spelling Family
  • Peter Chung
  • Walt Disney
  • Hugh Heffner
  • Sophia Coppola
File:Jett.jpg
George Lucas' son already panned out a closeup for your loser animators to work with. You can thank him later. "Read 'em and weep, suckaz!!!11" ~Jett

Soundtrack by

  • Ennio Morricone
  • Falco
  • Trey Stone-Parker
  • Inspectah Deck

Voiceovers by

Special Cameos by

Actors Anonymous and why you're not in this movie...

File:DorisDay.jpg
This is the Dean's school identification card. She pretty much looks like this all the time.

Meet the Dean, Doris Day

No, this isn't some special day that you meet the Dean, and her name is Doris Shatner or something.

We're talking about Doris Fucking Day here, bitch!

See Also

Confusionaward.jpg
Award of Confusion!

Apparently this article is damned funny. It is not an inside joke or vanity page, but you pretty much need a PhD to get it. Or so we've been told, most of us seem to prefer humour involving masturbation and/or Jesus. The contributor may have been masturbating over a picture of Jesus. You can send them to hell by giving them an atomic fisting.