Facepalm

	F	A	C	E
	Fucking	Assholes	Can't	Even

P	A	L	M
Pictorially	Articulate	Lame	Memes

“ Hey! Dude, I need your help!!! ”

“ Okay, this is what is happening, can you guys help me please? ”

“ My parents are out of town on vacation... What's that look for? ”

“ ...and they won't be home for a couple weeks so I need your help. ”

“ Don't just ignore me, I got a real problem here! ”

Background

“ So, I've been dating my little sister's friend... ”

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“ Whatever. Her name is Jennifer and we've been going out for a while. ”

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“ We have a lot in common! Sometimes I help her with homework... ”

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“ I helped her with her English essay but she still got a D (if you know what I mean). ”

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“ I think the teacher is some kind of homo. ”

What happened

“ Anyways, Jennifer came over about an hour ago... ”

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“ ...and I really wanted to lose my virginity, so I asked her if we could have sex. ”

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“ 'No, no we can't. It's not right,' she said. ”

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“ But I told her I knew what I was doing and not to worry—are you listening to me??? ”

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“ I told her it would only take a few seconds, so she said yes but only if I gave her two Nintendo Switch games. ”

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“ So I gave her Breath of the Wild and Mario & Rabbids because that's what she wanted... ”

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“ ...and then she went into my room, and I told her to put on some mood music. ”

In the bedroom

“ Then I thought to myself — I need lube now, right??? ”

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“ Because I read somewhere on the Internet that you need to lube up her clit or it will not fit inside! ”

“ Okay, so I had no lube — but I really wanted to lose my virginity!!! ”

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“ I grabbed some butter from the refrigerator, but it was cold and too hard! ”

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“ Then I remembered something else I read on the internet. ”

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HowTo:Melt Butter

“ Are you paying attention dude? This is important to me! ”

“ First I cut the butter into chunks. Do you know why? ”

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“ Because that increases the butter's surface area and helps it melt faster, duh. ”

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“ Then I put the butter in a microwave-safe dish and covered it with a paper towel. ”

“ My mom always yells at me when I forget to do that. ”

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“ I couldn't remember how long to heat it up for, so I figured two minutes would be plenty of time. ”

“ I remembered not to microwave the spoon this time, though. ”

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“ Sometimes I forget and the microwave blows up. ”

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After that

“ I put the melted butter in a turkey baster... ”

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“ ...and then squirted it up my girlfriend's vagina. ”

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“ Now she is crying in the bathroom saying I burned it! ”

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“ I'm serious, I'm freaking out! ”

“ So do you have any idea how I can shut her up? ”

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“ Will it help if I give her another Nintendo Switch game? ”

“ Please help me, I don't know what to do! ”

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“ What am I going to tell my parents? ”

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“ I didn't even get to do it!!! ”

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See also

The Many Facepalms of Jean-Luc Picard

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