Facepalm
“ | Hey! Dude, I need your help!!! | ” |
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“ | Okay, this is what is happening, can you guys help me please? | ” |
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“ | My parents are out of town on vacation... What's that look for? | ” |
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“ | ...and they won't be home for a couple weeks so I need your help. | ” |
“ | Don't just ignore me, I got a real problem here! | ” |
Background[edit | edit source]
“ | So, I've been dating my little sister's friend... | ” |
“ | Whatever. Her name is Jennifer and we've been going out for a while. | ” |
“ | We have a lot in common! Sometimes I help her with homework... | ” |
“ | I helped her with her English essay but she still got a D (if you know what I mean). | ” |
“ | I think the teacher is some kind of homo. | ” |
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What Happened[edit | edit source]
“ | Anyways, Jennifer came over about an hour ago... | ” |
“ | ...and I really wanted to lose my virginity, so I asked her if we could have sex. | ” |
“ | 'No, no we can't. It's not right,' she said. | ” |
“ | But I told her I knew what I was doing and not to worry. Are you listening to me? | ” |
“ | I told her it would only take a few seconds, so she said yes but only if I gave her two Nintendo DS games. | ” |
“ | So I gave her Laura Croft Tomb Raider and LEGO Star Wars II because that's what she wanted... | ” |
“ | ...and then she went into my room, and I told her to put on some mood music. | ” |
In The Bedroom[edit | edit source]
“ | Then I thought to myself — I need lube now, right??? | ” |
“ | Because I read on the internet somewhere that you need to lube up her clit or it will not fit inside! | ” |
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“ | Okay, so I had no lube — but I really wanted to lose my virginity!!! | ” |
“ | I grabbed some butter from the refrigerator, but it was cold and too hard! | ” |
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“ | Then I remembered something else I read on the internet. | ” |
HowTo:Melt Butter [1][edit | edit source]
“ | Are you paying attention dude? This is important to me! | ” |
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“ | First I cut the butter into chunks. Do you know why? | ” |
“ | Because that increases the butter's surface area and helps it melt faster, duh. | ” |
“ | Then I put the butter in a microwave-safe dish and covered it with a paper towel. | ” |
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“ | My mom always yells at me when I forget to do that. | ” |
“ | I couldn't remember how long to heat it up for, so I figured two minutes would be plenty of time. | ” |
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“ | I remembered not to microwave the spoon this time, though. | ” |
“ | Sometimes I forget and the microwave blows up. | ” |
After That[edit | edit source]
“ | I put the melted butter in a turkey baster... | ” |
“ | ...and then squirted it up my girlfriend's vagina. | ” |
“ | Now she is crying in the bathroom saying I burned it! | ” |
“ | I'm serious, I'm freaking out! | ” |
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“ | So do you have any idea how I can shut her up? | ” |
“ | Will it help if I give her another Nintendo DS game? | ” |
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“ | Please help me, I don't know what to do! | ” |
“ | What am I going to tell my parents? | ” |
“ | I didn't even get to do it!!! | ” |
See Also [2][edit | edit source]
The Many Facepalms of Jean-Luc Picard [3][edit | edit source]
Emoji & Emoticons[edit | edit source]
- Smiley emoticons doh.gif
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Your Guide to INTERNET CULTURE | ||
List of Internet phenomena - Internet humor - Rule 34 of the Internet | ||
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References[edit | edit source]
- ↑ The original How To Melt Butter spork can be found here for your edification
- ↑ The Headdesk is a very similar form of expression found on Wikipedia.
- ↑ A comprehensive catalog of Facepalm references