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Scientific classification
Kingdom: Bacteria
Phylum: Firmicutes
Class: Bacilli
Order: Bacillales
Family: Idkococcaceae
Genus: Idkococcus

“I keep asking people what IDK means, but they always say they don't know.”

~ Oscar Wilde on IDK

IDK is a bacterial infection that causes the person affected by it to draw a blank. In later stages, it can cause dementia and even autism. These serious conditions now afflict over 75% of teenagers and 30% of adults.

Nobody knows precisely what IDK stands for.


After the invention of cell phones, which occurred early last year, IDK arose as a simple syndrome that only affected celebrities and rich people. As prices for technology dropped and cell phone use rose, IDK became an epidemic that raged through the United States, and parts of Europe and Asia. There is no known cure or vaccine for it; all the scientists who research it end up becoming infected themselves.

The disease really took off when, later the same year, industry invented the iPhone and many other radical new technologies. Were these gadgets a cause of the disease, a result of the disease, or merely a carrier? Technology consultant Paris Hilton has given the best answer: IDK.

Disease vector[edit]

IDK is spread by a bacterium that thrives under technology, so it is mostly found with teenage girls who are completely oblivious to the world and talk on their cell phones for eternity.

It is naturally found on the streets of New York, on Wall Street, and wherever people must communicate constantly for their livelihood. The New York area is thought to be the true origin of IDK. Any real postulation as to the source has lead to more IDK being spread, however.

The disease is airborne, transmitted sexually as well as verbally and digitally, and spread through direct contact, making it particularly devastating to population centers. Any person in the immediate proximity of an infected individual will likely be infected very rapidly, with little hope of prevention.


The early symptoms of IDK can vary from person to person. Any onset of the symptoms should be handled by medical experts. Call a doctor. Or text him, IDK.

  • Forgetfulness
  • Ignorance
  • Text messaging
  • Spamming
  • Weaving in the lane out of distraction