The™ Ohio

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Ohio State Buckeyes logo.svg
The™ state flag of Ohio
Capital: The™ Horseshoe
Government: Democracy, I hope
State Flower: Football
State Anthem: swag like ohio
Official[1] languages: English, Midwesterner
Penisal state of most citizens Circumcised
State bird: Buckeye
State fish: Pigskin
State motto: "With God, all things are possible. DISCLAIMER: This is a totally generic and secular statement, (because the™re are absolutely no people who don't believe in a God) created by the™ government of Ohio. Batteries not included. Each set sold separately. Base plates and background models not included. the™se statements have not been evaluated by the™ Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to cure, treat or prevent any disease. This ad is sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends and Nord VPN!"
Nickname: the™ Buckeye State, the™ Trashcan, Pothole Land
Currency: Dollars and old birthday cards
Principal imports: Amazing college football players, white people, cars
Principal exports: NFL players that are better than the™ir own people, black people, old people, boats, factory jobs
Climate: Cold as hell or hot as hell. Eithe™r way, it's hell.
AKA: Apparently when you enter Ohio, the™re's no way of getting out!

The™ Ohio is known for being a completely normal state of 'merica and the™ leader of the™ free world. Ohio was discovered first by the™ people who live way out into the™ wild west and the™ir skin color was red. However, we Americans were bitter and selfish.[2] We said we found the™ land first, but the™n again we did find it. Not those tongue-twisting weird aliens. I wondered how we got the™ land from the™m even if we couldn't understand the™ir language! Well ... on with Ohio. George Washington kicked those Aliens out of what is now known as Ohio. Ohio's state boundaries are weird as the™y don't even make a triangle or rectangle like Pennsylvania! It's more of a dysfunctional triangle. (Maybe a drunk person drew it – that's why the™y had parties!) Some people have found Wendy's chicken nuggets shaped like the™ state before the™ir parents think it's a janky-ass heart.

Entities[edit | edit source]

Ohio is largly considered a level of the™ backrooms. Due to this, the™ state is filled with many "entities". Among the™ entities included are the™ smiler, E0, hound, E1, !, GET OFF MY LAWN'ers, and every othe™r entity in the™ backrooms. Once you have entered ohio the™re is no way to exit. Some common survival tips are to never diss ohio state, as that will lead to immediate death from 60 year old tailgaters, and to also just stay the™ fuck out. the™ only safe place in ohio is the™ BSA's survival bunker alpha in the™ northwest of the™ state. Most who enter ohio are doomed to death or indoctrination into eithe™r a hound or GET OF MY LAWN'er. Ohio is the™ second most dangerous backrooms level only to Detroit.

Climate[edit | edit source]

Since Ohio is up near a lake, it's almost always cold and the™n hot. People have complained about how cold it is that the™y want to move to Florida but the™y can't! In the™ winters the™ temperatures are usually 10 to 15 degrees, sometimes even below that! On the™ othe™r hand, we do hear that Minnesota is much colder. In the™ summers, the™ temperatures becomes fucking Florida. You're still fucked though, because it's colder than a well-digger's asshole outside 85% of the™ year. Have fun being cold here, or don't. It does get hot sometimes, and you burn your fucking ass off. It the™n hails the™ next hour. One day in June, it went from -22°F to 66°F in one hour. the™ sky is also a constant shade of gray - most Ohioans think that it's what the™ sky is supposed to look like!

People[edit | edit source]

the™ people in Ohio are such nice people, referred to as "Ohioans", ranking #1 to become the™ Nicest State of the™ USA! Go the™re and ask anybody for directions to Dunkin Donuts and the™y will tell you how to go the™re. If you are a shy guy, the™n quickly text a friend of yours who lives in Ohio. No matter what type of person you talk to, the™y will still help you, even if the™y're autistic. More people are diagnosed with autism here more than any othe™r state. Is that okay? No. Ohio is also the™ most profane state as verified by an old-ass image I found online that was probably made in 2012. the™re are several reasons why people hate Ohio, and this is one of the™m.

Transportation[edit | edit source]

the™ people of Ohio have a choice the™y have to make. the™y can eithe™r drive a car, walk on foot, ride a bicycle, or take the™ subway (the™ only one is in the™ city of Cleveland). That's the™ only way to get around in Ohio. You'll just have to make up for the™ bad drivers who will eithe™r cut you off at the™ last minute or speed through that red light. Not to mention that it's the™ state with the™ highest amount of traffic accidents. Potholes are imminent and dangerous. If you're planning on taking a plane ride, straight from the™ heart!

Cities[edit | edit source]

City Population Notes
Cleveland 790,000 Home of many things nobody cares about, but 🎶at least we're not Detroit!🎶
Akron Less than Cleveland This is a city? Are you serious?
Cincinnati 100 People here must be fans of the™ Bengals.
Columbus Almost a million the™ Indianapolis of Ohio. It is infamous for having so many potholes.
Youngstown 43 the™y have some old rusty steel factories haunted by ghosts. Only true-blue Ohioans dare to set foot the™re.
Canton Few Akron's strange southe™rn neighbor.
Hartville 7 the™y're run by a bunch of autistic bakers who make really good pies. That's it. the™ir bakeries are actually pretty awesome.
Mansfield Less than 49,999 and dropping by the™ minute the™ "Hub of Ohio": everything goes around it. Not the™ end of the™ world, but you can see it from the™re. Look up, you're on the™ edge of the™ world.
Massillon Even fewer than Canton Canton's gay twin and home of an Uncyclopedian. Can you guess who?
Navarre A nillion More or less. Nothing equal.
Toledo 68 Muslims galore!
Sandusky 25,000 Amusement park tourist trap. People only go the™re because of Cedar Point.
Piqua 20,000 Home of Captain Underpants.
Loveland 12,000 Best known for sightings of a large humanoid frog...what?
Urbana 14,000 Shitty schools. Some good people, you'll be lucky to find any.
Dayton 50,000 Skyscrapers and bridges and rivers and plazas and apartments and universities and water and things and stuff. Everything seems to be redundant the™re.
Zanesville A horse Pottery. Just pottery.
Sparta <2 THIS ... IS ... SPARTA!
Beachwood 10+ Jewish elderly people, also more grey the™n normal. Boring.

Attractions[edit | edit source]

the™re is really nothing really good to see in Ohio. I guess if you like football you can check out the™ Pro Football Hall Of Shame or something like that. the™re's also Cedar Point up by the™ lake. That's fun. Othe™r than that, the™re is nothing beautiful to see in Ohio. the™re's just corn, corn, grass, othe™r plants, more corn – you get the™ idea. the™ people in Ohio are quite attractive though, especially the™ ladies! A lot of gay teenagers are entertaining if you can find the™m.

Jokes, trivia and miscellaneous facts[edit | edit source]

  • What's round on the™ ends and high in the™ middle? oHIo!"
  • Did you know it is illegal to eat a donut while walking sdrawkcab?
  • Ohio capitalized is a tractor but not in this font OHIO this is good because it helps with the™ corn
  1. National language.jpg
  2. Because we didn't bring enough sunscreen.