|Government:||Democracy, I hope|
|Official languages:||English, Midwesterner|
|State motto:||"Without God, people die and go to hell."|
|Nickname:||The Buckeye State, The Trashcan, Pothole Land|
|Currency:||Dollars and old birthday cards|
|Principal imports:||Amazing college football players, white people, cars|
|Principal exports:||Horrible NFL teams, black people, old people, boats, factory jobs|
|Climate:||Since it's up near a lake it's always cold, 365 days a year.|
|AKA:||Apparently when you enter Ohio, there's no way of getting out!|
Ohio is known for being a state of America. Ohio was discovered first by the people who live way out into the wild west and their skin color was red. However, we Americans were bitter and selfish. We said we found the land first, but then again we did find it. Not those tounge-twisting weird aliens. I wondered how we got the land from them even if we couldn't understand their language! Well ... on with Ohio. George Washington kicked those Aliens out of what is now known as Ohio. Ohio's state boundaries are weird as they don't even make a triangle or rectangle like Pennsylvania! It's more of a dysfunctional triangle. (Maybe a drunk person drew it – that's why they had parties!) Some people have found Wendy's chicken nuggets shaped like the state before their parents think it's a janky ass heart.
Since Ohio is up near a lake, it's always cold 365 days a year. People have complained about how cold it is that they want to move to Florida but they can't! In the winters the temperatures are usually 10 to 15 degrees, sometimes even below that! In the summers, the temperatures don't go higher than 50 or 60 degrees! You'll be lucky to reach 70 degrees. That's how fucking cold it is outside in Ohio! You have to bundle up all goddamn year round! On the other hand, we do hear that Minnesota is much colder. You're still fucked though, because it's colder than a well-digger's asshole outside 95% of the year. Have fun being cold here, or don't. It does get hot sometimes, and you burn your fucking ass off. It then hails the next hour. One day in June, it went from -22F to 66F in one hour. The sky is also ALWAYS FUCKIN GREY so nice try having a day out
The people in Ohio are such nice people, referred to as "Ohioans", ranking #1 to become the Nicest State of the USA! Go there and ask anybody for directions to Dunkin Donuts and they will tell you how to go there. If you are a shy guy, then quickly text a friend of yours who lives in Ohio. No matter what type of person you talk to, they will still help you, even if they're autistic. More people are diagnosed with autism here more than any other state. Is that okay? Yes, people with Autism are fucking chill and one of the people who is editing this is Autistic and from Ohio. Ohioans are speculated to be similar to Floridians, due to unusual news reports. Ohio is also the most profane state as verified by an old-ass image I found online that was probably made in 2014.
The people of Ohio have a choice they have to make. They can either drive a car, walk on foot, ride a bicycle, take an airplane or take the subway (if you can find one). That's the only way to get around in Ohio. You'll just have to make up for the bad drivers who will either cut you off at the last minute or speed through that red light. Potholes are imminent and dangerous. Towpath trails are fucking disgusting.
|Cleveland||790,000||Home of many things nobody cares about, but at least they're not Detroit.|
|Akron||Less than Cleveland||This is a city?|
|Cincy||100||People here must be fans of the Bengals.|
|Columbus||Almost a million||The Indianapolis of Ohio|
|Youngstown||43||They have some old rusty steel factories haunted by ghosts. Only true-blue Ohioans dare to set foot there.|
|Canton||Few||Akron's strange southern neighbor|
|Hartville||7||They're run by a bunch of autistic bakers who make really good pies. That's it.|
|Mansfield||Less than 50,000 and dropping by the minute||The "Hub of Ohio": everything goes around it. Not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.|
|Massillon||Even fewer than Canton||Canton's gay twin and home of an Uncyclopedian|
|Navarre||A nillion||More or less|
|Sandusky||25,000||Amusement park tourist trap|
|Piqua||20,000||Home of Captain Underpants|
|Loveland||12,000||Best known for sightings of a large humanoid frog ... What?|
|Urbana||14,000||Shitty schools. Some good people, you'll be lucky to find any.|
|Dayton||50,000||Skyscrapers and bridges and rivers and plazas and apartments and universities and water and things and stuff jehpghiephpsipshpgaipr!|
|Zanesville||A horse||Pottery. Just pottery.|
|Sparta||<2||THIS ... IS ... SPARTA!|
|Beachwood||10+||jewish elderly people, also more grey then normal|
There is really nothing really good to see in Ohio. I guess if you like football you can check out the Pro Football Hall Of Shame or something like that. There's also Cedar Point up by the lake. That's fun. Other than that, there is nothing beautiful to see in Ohio. There's just corn, corn, grass, other plants, more corn – you get the idea. The people in Ohio are quite attractive though, especially the ladies! A lot of gay teenagers are entertaining if you can find them.
Jokes, trivia and miscellaneous facts
- What's round on the ends and high in the middle? oHIo!"
- Did you know it is illegal to eat a donut while walking sdrawkcab?
- Ohio capitalized is a tractor but not in this font OHIO this is good because it helps with the corn