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Ohio State Buckeyes logo.svg
The state flag of Ohio
Capital: The Horseshoe
Government: Democracy, I hope
State Flower: Football
Official Languages: English, Midwesterner
State Bird: Buckeye
State Fish: Pigskin
State Motto: "Without God, people die and go to hell."
Nickname: The Buckeye State, The Trashcan, Pothole Land
Currency: Dollars and old Birthday Cards.
Principal Imports: Amazing college football players, White people, Cars
Principal Exports: Horrible NFL teams, Black people, Boats, Factory Jobs, Old People who hate the cold.
Climate: Since it's up near an ocean or a lake it's always cold 365 days a year.
AKA: Apparently when you enter Ohio, there's no way of getting out!

This page is a figment of your imagination. You can't help  something that's not real, but go ahead and try.

Ohio is known for being a state of America. Ohio was discovered first by the people that live way out into the wild west and their skin color was red. However, we Americans were bitter and selfish. We said that we found the land first, but then again we DID find it. Not those tounge-twisting weird aliens. I wondered how we got the land from them even if we couldn't understand their language! Well... on with Ohio. George Washington kicked those Aliens out of what is now known as Ohio. Ohio's state boundaries are weird as they don't even make a triangle or rectangle like Pennsylvania! It's more of a dysfunctional triangle (maybe a drunk person drew it, that's why they had parties!) Some people have found Wendy's chicken nuggets shaped like the state before their parents think it's a janky ass heart.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ohio.


Since Ohio is up near a lake, it's always cold 365 days a year. People have complained about how cold it is that they want to move to Florida but they can't! In the winters the temperatures are usually 10 to 15 degrees, sometimes even below that! In the summers, the temperatures don't go higher than 50 or 60 degrees! You'll be lucky to reach 70 degrees. That's how fucking cold it is outside in Ohio! You have to bundle up all goddamn year round! But on the other hand, we do hear that Minnesota is much colder. You're still fucked though, because it's colder than a well-diggers asshole outside 95% of the year. Have fun being cold here, or don't. It does get hot sometimes, and you burn your fucking ass off. It then hails the next hour. One day in June, it went from -22F to 66F in one hour.


The people in Ohio are such nice people, referred to as 'Ohioans', ranking #1 to become the Nicest State of the USA! Go there and ask anybody for direction to Dunkin Donuts and they will tell you how to go there. If you are a shy guy, then quickly text a friend of yours who lives in Ohio. No matter what type of person you talk to, they will still help you, even if they're autistic. More people are diagnosed with autism here more than any other state. Is that okay? Yes, people with Autism are fucking chill and one of the people who is editing this is Autistic and from Ohio. Ohioans are speculated to be similar to Floridians, due to unusual news reports. Ohio is also the most profane state as verified by an old-ass image I found online that was probably made in 2014.


The people of Ohio have a choice they have to make. They can either drive a car, walk on foot, ride a bicycle, take an airplane or take the subway (if you can find one). That's the only way to get around in Ohio. You'll just have to make up for the bad drivers that will either cut you off at the last minute or speed through that red light. Potholes are imminent and dangerous. Towpath trails are fucking disgusting.


City Population Notes
Cleveland 790,000 Home of many things nobody cares about, but at least they're not Detroit.
Akron Less than Cleveland This is a city?!
Cincy 100 People here must be fans of the Bengals
Columbus Almost a million The Indianapolis of Ohio
Youngstown 43 They have some old rusty steel factories haunted by ghosts. Only true-blue Ohioans dare to set foot there.
Canton Few Akron's strange southern neighbor
Hartville 7 They're run by a bunch of autistic bakers that make really good pies. That's it.
Mansfield Less than 50,000 and dropping by the minute The "Hub of Ohio": everything goes around it. Not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
Massillon Even fewer than Canton Canton's gay twin and home of an Uncyclopedian
Navarre Even fewer than Massilion THIS EXISTS?
Toledo 68 Muslims galore!
Sandusky 25,000 Amusement park tourist trap
Piqua 20,000 Home of Captain Underpants... Yeah.
Loveland 12,000 Best known for sightings of a large humanoid frog... What?
Urbana 14,000 Shitty schools. Some good people, you'll be lucky to find any.
Dayton 50,000 Skyscrapers and bridges and rivers and plazas and apartments and universities and water and things and stuff jehpghiephpsipshpgaipr!
Zanesville 1,839,247,297,401,920,471,921,079 Pottery. Just pottery.
Sparta -1 THIS... IS... SPARTA!!!


The Pro Football Hall Of Shame has been visited by many football fans.

There is really nothing really good to see in Ohio. I guess if you like football you can check out the Pro Football Hall Of Shame or something like that. There's also Cedar Point up by the lake. That's fun. Other than that, there is nothing beautiful to see in Ohio. There's just corn, corn, grass, other plants, more corn... and well you get the idea. The people in Ohio are quite attractive though, especially the ladies! A lot of gay teenagers are entertaining if you can find them.

Types of Ohio

Jokes, Trivia and Miscellaneous Facts[edit]

  • What's round on the ends and high in the middle? oHIo!"
  • Did you know it is illegal to eat a donut while walking sdrawkcab?
  • Don't talk about Michigan here, you'll most likely be killed immediately.
  • A man once saw a toddler get verbally harassed for wearing a steelers hat.
  • There was a news report about a man caught having sex with a pool raft.