From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Cars)
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“I swear the gas is only this expensive when I am here! No fucking way is it this high. Just... damn!”

~ Average gas station visitor. Normally in an unpleasant attitude.
Some cars

A car is a form of transportation where one sits down in a seat and strolls until they reach their destination. There are multiple types of cars. Some famous ones include Chevies, Hondas, Toyotas, Fords, Nixons, Benz, Mercedes, Fisher Prices, Toon Cars, and Op Timus Pri Mes. Even though a car (AKA automobile) is rather convenient, one might become angry when they realize they are out of gas and there is no gas station within an hour or two. One might also become angry with a car when the gas prices increase, some kid chucks something at it (most of the time they're mad at the kid, though), its engines fail, a traffic jam occurs, they hit someone, or maybe even when it turns out the car is part of an alien race from the planet Cybertron and is working to destroy the Decepticons, or worse... a Decepticon working to destroy the Autobots!

Cars are extremely common in society today, as opposed to the 17th century, when people were forced to ride to outings like proms and movies in carriages. A variant of the car is the race car. Middle-aged dads often use these!

History[edit | edit source]

The first alleged first car[edit | edit source]

The first car wasn't really even a "car" at all. Ferdinand Verbiest, a Flemish member of the Let's Go See What is Being Made in China Society, was first associated with a working automobile in around 1672. It was a 69 cm-long scale model play toy for the Emperor. However, it was unable to carry or transport anything besides small matter like ants. Consequently, most credit Verbiest with inventing the first Hot Wheels.

The second alleged first car[edit | edit source]

The second car was not even close to being a "car". In fact, it was a tricycle. It was invented in 1769 by Nick Joseph Cognuts, and was full scale and working. It even transported people places. But it wasn't a car, so Cognuts is not given credit either for the first car.

A part that could have been used in the first car[edit | edit source]

In 1807, Nicéphore Niépce and his brother Claude invented the first internal combustion engine. But the fools put it in a boat instead!

The first car[edit | edit source]

In 1879, Karl Benz patented his engine, allowing him to make the first car.

Problems with Drunk cars[edit | edit source]

Cars Have A very big problem and its "over intoxication" Did you know all of the car related accidents happen because of cars over intoxicating themselves or "DUI" scientists have proven that cars drink 986 gallons in only ONE YEAR and that means that there are ALLOT of drunk cars in the road today. Also did you also know that cars have a very lazy ass (if they have one) and they decide that they don't have to pay for gas so they take advantage of us humans by paying the cars for their drinks and making them lose their own life expectancy Thus making more than a 1,000 deaths happen in a year because of over intoxicated cars.

Here Is An Example Of How Cars Get Drunk

Car crashes[edit | edit source]

Every once in a while, an automobile may find itself in an accident (also called a car crash) where there might be a few lives lost. When a car accident occurs, the victim could sue the perpetrator, thus gaining large amounts of cash and possibly even the knowledge that they have "slightly" blemished the perpetrator's life. On the other hand, if both parties sue, there is a possibility that one will argue that "You ran into my Chevy Viper" and the other will argue that "Your Chevy Viper ran into me".

An unusual car accident, in which the owner of the car in the middle can most likely win a lawsuit against the two car owners on the side.

Drunk driving[edit | edit source]

Every once in a while, it is possible that either a drunk adult, drunk teen, or sometimes even a drunk child could end up driving under the influence (DUI), usually resulting in a Michael Bay type explosion. Drunk driving is against the law, but many people still do it anyway. An outstanding 100% of drunk driving accidents are the product of alcohol, poor driving on the sober driver's part, or a morphing alien robot attacking another morphing alien robot and getting in the drunk driver's way.

Texting while driving[edit | edit source]

Crikey! It's a rare ten wheel car. I'm gonna chuck a rock at it.

Another leading cause of car crashes is texting while driving, or "TWI". This type of accident commonly involves the driving of teenagers, specifically the teenage female. According to numerous sources, the text responsible for causing the greatest number of deaths in car accidents is the simple "lol", meaning "laugh out loud". This is an example of a strange language, similar to yapping incessantly, that teens use to communicate with their peers. Another example is "ROFL" or "ROFLMFAO". "ROFL" is an acronym for "rolling on the floor laughing" and "ROFLMFAO" is an acronym for "rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off". Both seem unusual because one simply cannot roll on the floor laughing and send a text at the same time. Also, one cannot simply defy the laws of life and laugh one's "fucking ass off".

Sexting while driving[edit | edit source]

Another form of texting while driving that can lead to car accidents is the sexual activity of "sexting". "Sexting" is derived from the Greek phrase "Θα σε γαμήσω καθώς στέλνω μήνυμα" and the Latin phrase "Ego pol te pedicabo dum ego mitto verbum nuntius ex mea cellularum fabrica". The Greek phrase translates to "I'll fuck you while I text" and the Latin phrase translates similarly to "I'll fuck you while I send a word message from my cellular device", both inspiring the term's usage. An example of a typical "sexting" conversation can be seen below: (Note the lewd flaws within the sext message)

hey babe i <3 u
i luv u 2 jonnybear
how bout we fuk eachuuther wen we get back home
well fuk 1 an other so hard it destruys worldzz!!!
o fuck yea1!!1! o babey when we met i'll cum all over ur face so it looks like a winkle removin crem
dat sounds wonderful sugar
fuckk ya at an 8
ill be there
stay sexee 4evr!!!!
iff yo make me extreme horneyy
will giv you a dutch oven, babe

Gas prices[edit | edit source]

Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!

Another problem with automobiles is the price of the gas required to fuel them. Without gas, the car will not move until you push it, it gets moved by the police, or more gasoline is inserted into the hole on the side, not to be confused with the hole at the end of the pipe under the car. Putting the gasoline in the hole on the side will allow the driver to drive once again, unless the car has different problems.

Ends up being a Transformer[edit | edit source]

Another car problem encountered in recent years is the phenomena of cars that turn out to be of an alien species, fighting a war against the "enemy" (visitors from the planet Cybertron). The first of these alien warriors are depicted in the 2007 action documentary film, Transformers. The documentary is directed by the realist Michael Bay, who always never goes overboard with his bullshit films historically accurate documentaries.

See also[edit | edit source]