HowTo:Solve the teenager car-ownership problem
The issue of teenagers and cars has become a concerning phenomenon. Many young drivers, often due to inexperience and impulsive behavior, tend to be less attentive behind the wheel. This lack of focus, combined with risky habits such as speeding, texting while driving, or driving under the influence, leads to frequent car accidents. Tragically, these crashes sometimes result in serious injuries or fatalities, not only for the teenagers themselves but for others on the road as well. The mix of overconfidence and underdeveloped driving skills has made teenage driving accidents a major public safety concern.
Background[edit | edit source]
Generation Z and Alpha teens seem to be living in their own alternate reality, where intelligence has been replaced by an endless loop of internet trends, memes, and mindless celebrity worship. Their conversations sound like glitchy algorithms, with every other sentence sprinkled with phrases like "Fanum Tax," "Skibidi Toilet," "Ohio memes," or references to random influencers like Livvy Dunne, Kai Cenat, or IShowSpeed. Instead of engaging with the real world, they scroll endlessly, swapping out any form of critical thought for viral dances and reaction videos. They’ll debate for hours over which YouTuber has more clout but can't seem to comprehend basic geography or politics.
When these walking Wi-Fi signals get behind the wheel, the chaos continues. Their first instinct isn’t to check the mirrors but to record themselves for TikTok or Instagram stories, because God forbid their followers miss out on their latest car selfie or cringe-inducing "drive with me" video. Instead of focusing on the road, they’re arguing in the comments section of a post, laughing at a Skibidi meme, or trying to catch the latest viral audio to use as a soundtrack while they drift between lanes.
They drive with one hand on the wheel and the other holding a phone, their eyes darting between the road and their screen, as if missing a notification would be worse than crashing. "What’s a red light when I need to reply to this Snapchat?" "Who needs blinkers when I’m too busy liking Livvy Dunne’s latest thirst trap?" These are the thoughts racing through their heads, while they dangerously swerve through traffic like they’re in some low-budget video game. And the worst part? They think they’re invincible, because in their heads, they’re the main character of a TikTok saga where nothing bad ever happens.
In the end, their ignorance doesn’t just stay online—it becomes lethal.
Situation in USA[edit | edit source]
American teens and their cars—what a combo. 🚗💥 It’s like watching a slow-motion disaster, except it’s live-streamed on TikTok. For Gen Z, driving isn’t about getting from point A to point B. Nah, it’s an opportunity to flex on social media and gain some clout. But these cringelordz spend more time checking their DMs and filming themselves than actually paying attention to the road. So, it’s no surprise that half of them end up yeeting their cars into a ditch or wrapping them around a tree. 🌳🚗💀
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And the parents? Absolute enablers. Instead of teaching their kids basic responsibility—like, I don’t know, watching the road—they’re out here buying them Jeep Wranglers and Range Rovers. Because, obviously, a 16-year-old totally needs an oversized off-roader… to drive to the mall. 🛍️ It’s all about the vibes, not the practicality. Same with the Miatas for the girls who wanna look cute in their IG stories. 📸 Who cares about safety or learning how to actually drive when your hair looks amazing in a convertible, right? 💁♀️✨
Then there’s the boys. They get the full Fast & Furious starter pack—Mustangs, Chargers, Challengers—because apparently every dad thinks their son is about to star in the next blockbuster. 🏎️💨 These dudes have barely finished puberty, but sure, let’s hand them 400 horsepower and watch as they try to drift through the neighborhood. Spoiler: they end up skidding into a wall, or worse, plowing into a crowd of pedestrians. 🚶♂️💥 But hey, at least they looked cool doing it… right? Until they become another statistic. 😬
And don’t even get me started on the Snapchat-and-drive culture. These kids are out here taking selfies 📱, texting, or recording their latest TikTok while speeding down the highway. Skill issue, anyone? It’s all good until they’re sending a Snap and—BOOM—they've driven straight into a pond or flipped their car into a ditch. 🌊💀 Imagine swiping through a Snap story, and the last frame is the inside of a totaled car. Tragic, but hey, they’ll get some likes on their hospital bed post. No cap.
Oh, and let's not forget—these cringelordz can barely figure out how to use two pedals, let alone three. 😂 Manual transmission? That’s practically rocket science to them. Might as well ask them to decipher hieroglyphs. 🗿 They’re out here buying automatics because God forbid they actually learn how to drive. Why would anyone need to figure out a clutch when you can just slam it into D for Drive and let the car do the work? 📱🚗 Skill issue, Yankees? Imagine the confusion on their faces the first time they see a stick shift: “Why does my car keep glitching?” No, honey, that’s called stalling. 😭
In the end, these kids are just out here, totally unbothered, thinking they’re invincible. They’ll scroll through car crash fail compilations on YouTube and think, “That won’t happen to me, I’m built different.” 🙄 Until, of course, it does happen, and they find themselves crashing into a wall, a semi-truck, or, you know, off the side of a bridge. 🌉 But hey, at least they got a few thousand views on that last TikTok. 😬
Situation in Yurop[edit | edit source]
Yurop—the place most Americans barely know exists. 🌍 When it comes to teens and cars, it's definitely a little better than the U.S., but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. These kids have their own brand of cringe, just wrapped up a bit differently. Some of them, to be fair, actually have to work for their cars. Instead of getting handed the keys to a brand-new Jeep Wrangler like in the States, they’re out here saving up to buy some beat-up junkers that are basically held together by duct tape and prayers. 🚗💀 These cars barely make it to school without overheating, but hey, at least they earned them. Respect? Maybe a little. 🫡
Then you have the other side of the coin—where their parents just skip the struggle phase and hand them the keys to something serious. I’m talking fully-equipped Audi S4s, Mercedes C AMGs, or even a BMW M5 for the most spoiled brats. 😳 Because why should little Timmy drive a junk car when he can cruise around in a 500-horsepower sports sedan? It’s all about status, baby. And unlike the Yankees, these kids have at least figured out how to operate a manual transmission. 🧠 They’ve cracked the code on how to use all three pedals without frying the engine or stalling at every red light. Geniuses, right? Well, when the bar is set at “can you use a clutch without your brain short-circuiting,” 60 IQ points suddenly look like a flex. 😂
But where things get truly ridiculous is the modding culture. These kids are out here buying cheap, rusty junkers and turning them into mobile cringe machines. 💀 You know the type—cars that sound like lawnmowers on steroids, covered in spoilers, ridiculous body kits, and neon lights under the chassis. Because, obviously, adding a huge spoiler and a loud exhaust will totally help you pull girls. 🙄 Spoiler alert: it won’t. But hey, you gotta give them props for dedication—spending all that time and money to turn a 1998 VW Golf into something that looks like it belongs in the next Fast & Furious movie is a commitment. 🔧🚗
And let’s not forget the chip-tuning. These kids are out here pushing their engines to the limit, all so they can impress their friends by shaving a half-second off their 0-100 km/h time. 🚀 It’s like, bro, congrats, your junker now accelerates marginally faster. The girls? Still not impressed. Cringe level: unlocked. 🙃
But for the next-level spoiled ones, their parents skip the junkers and go straight to high-end sports sedans. We’re talking about teenagers whipping around in cars that can easily hit 200+ km/h on the Autobahn. 🏎️💨 Why settle for a modded-out junk car when you can just hand your kid a BMW M5 and call it a day? Because nothing screams “responsibility” like a 17-year-old behind the wheel of a car that has more horsepower than their IQ points. 💀
And, of course, these Yurop cringelords are still obsessed with TikTok. Because what’s the point of having a souped-up car if you can’t film yourself doing something extra stupid and share it with the world? 🎥 They’ll be speeding down the Autobahn, filming their reckless driving with one hand on the wheel and the other holding their phone, convinced they’re the next big thing. Then they either end up wrapping their M5 around a tree or a pole at 200 km/h 🚗🌳💥, or, if they’re feeling extra responsible (rare species), they’ll drive like actual pensioners, barely hitting 100 km/h while gripping the steering wheel with both hands. 🧓
But honestly, most of these cringelords will either go too fast, wrap their car around a lamppost, or spend their time cruising through town trying to look cool in front of their friends. They either crash spectacularly, or they realize—too late—that maybe, just maybe, driving like a grandma isn’t such a bad thing after all.
Solutions[edit | edit source]
- Social Media Ban 2.0 – A nationwide ban on TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and all other social platforms is put in place. Without the ability to post their lives, teens will lose their motivation to drive. How can they flex a car they can’t show off? They’ll start viewing driving as an unnecessary hassle, making biking the new hot trend.
- Detainment Camps for Influencers – Influencers like Kai Cenat, Jake Paul, IShowSpeed, and Livvy Dunne will be rounded up and sent to reeducation camps. Here, they’ll learn practical skills like changing a tire and the history of the automobile. In the meantime, their fans will be left feeling lost, with no one to idolize or copy. As a result, teens will realize that driving without their idols’ endorsement is like playing a video game on mute—just not worth it.
- Stasi-Level Surveillance on the Roads – Every car is fitted with a black box that tracks the driver’s every move. If a teen is spotted driving recklessly, texting, or attempting to post on social media while behind the wheel, they’ll be flagged and promptly approached by agents in trench coats who deliver a stern lecture about responsibility. This Big Brother vibe will scare them into using public transport instead of driving.
- Mandatory Driving Tests with Embarrassment Challenges – The driving test now includes a challenge where teens must answer cringe-worthy questions about their favorite influencers and show off the most awkward TikTok dances. Failing to do so results in immediate driving bans. This added humiliation will make them rethink whether driving is worth the potential social suicide.
- Influencer-Free Zones – Establish entire city areas designated as “Influencer-Free Zones.” In these areas, teens will encounter walls plastered with anti-hustle motivational quotes and the only music allowed will be from the 80s. The vibe will be so anti-trendy that they’ll shy away from driving altogether, opting instead for foot traffic through these unhip environments.
- Resurrect the Trabant 601 – Make the Trabant 601 the only car available for teen drivers. This low-key tragic vehicle, with its lack of basic features like a fuel gauge, will turn any drive into a soul-crushing experience. Picture them struggling with a car that goes no faster than a jog, while they’re bombarded with surveillance warnings about their driving habits. The humiliation factor is through the roof.
- App for Fake Influencer Updates – Create an app that sends fake updates from influencers, promoting boring activities like gardening or reading. Teens will be constantly bombarded with notifications encouraging them to walk or bike to their newly discovered hobbies, making driving feel extra pointless.
- Viral Challenges with Car Bans – Encourage a viral challenge called “Go Car-Free for a Month.” Teens will brag about how eco-friendly they are while avoiding the stigma of driving their cringeworthy vehicles. With a trending hashtag, driving will quickly become synonymous with being totally basic, and they’ll flee from the roads just to keep up with the latest social media hype.
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- Hustler-Free Driving Schools – Implement a policy that bans hustlers and wannabe influencers from teaching driving lessons. Instead, lessons will be taught by ordinary people who talk about the importance of responsibility and avoiding distractions while driving. This will instill an anti-influencer mindset in new drivers, ensuring they don’t fall for the glamor of driving to impress anyone.
- Carpool Karaoke Only with a Twist – Make every car ride a mandatory Carpool Karaoke session, but the catch is that they can only sing dad rock or songs that are ridiculously outdated. Imagine a group of teens stuck in a car, belting out “I Will Survive” or “Bohemian Rhapsody.” The sheer awkwardness will make them reconsider every future drive, as no one wants to be that cringe friend.
- Mandatory ‘Beaters Only’ Program – Imagine a policy where anyone under 25 can only drive old, rusty relics that look like they just came out of the junkyard. Think dented Oldsmobiles, 80s Volvos, or the sad old Ford Pinto. These cars are so mid, they scream “I’ve given up.” With peeling paint, squeaky brakes, and AM radios that only pick up static, even the most desperate teens won’t want to post up in one of these rides. Getting around in a beater car is about as uncool as it gets – and no one’s gonna try flexing in a ride that looks like it should be on life support.
- Bring Back the AMC Gremlin – The car so ugly it could haunt your nightmares. With its weirdly bulbous rear end and a reputation for being a total lemon, the Gremlin could single-handedly convince an entire generation to stick to bikes. Imagine the LOLz when teens have to drive around in something that looks like a rolling mistake. The Gremlin was sus before sus was even a thing.
- The Reliant Robin—A Three-Wheeled Nightmare – We’re talking about the infamous British three-wheeler that tips over if you breathe on it too hard. Imagine teens trying to navigate one of these cursed contraptions down the freeway. One wrong turn and they’re rolling like a bowling ball. The embarrassment alone would keep them off the road. It’s so cringe that even taking public transport would be preferable.
- ’85 Yugo GV—The Meme Car of Your Nightmares – This tiny, boxy Eastern European car is notorious for being unreliable and dangerously slow. It has zero sauce, barely enough horsepower to make it up a hill, and looks like it was designed by someone who’d never seen an actual car before. If Gen Z and Gen Alpha are forced to take a spin in a Yugo, they’d probably wish they’d taken the bus. It’s so extra bad that just sitting in it feels like a punishment.
- Ford Pinto—The Fire Hazard on Wheels – Let’s hand them a car with a reputation for exploding on impact. Nothing says “I value my life” like actively avoiding the Ford Pinto, and teens would catch on quickly that this ride isn’t it. Getting in a Pinto would feel like signing up for a straight-up L, and anyone driving one would be dodging side-eyes and unspoken judgments left and right.
- Lada Riva—The Car That’s Too Basic Even for Basics – Another Soviet-era clunker, the Lada Riva is so sluggish it makes the Trabant look like a sports car. It’s the definition of meh, with the handling of a brick and styling that hasn’t aged well in any decade. Every time someone has to drive a Lada, they’re just signaling to the world that they’ve fully given up on caring about appearances.
