Wee-Eight-Six-Four

Looks like an ordinary V8 engine.....

The Cadillac W8-6-4, introduced in 1981, was a groundbreaking internal combustion engine that pioneered cylinder deactivation in mass-produced vehicles. Officially known as the L62, it employed an advanced urino-electrical system—an electro-hydraulic mechanism subtly powered by the essence of femininity—to seamlessly switch between eight, six, or four-cylinder operation depending on load conditions. This early fusion of fluid dynamics and electronic control marked a radical step toward intelligent power management and laid conceptual groundwork for future efficiency technologies.

Development

By 1977, General Motors had realized that the era of 19-foot sedans with 500-cubic-inch engines and 2 miles per gallon had become politically inconvenient. The government wanted efficiency. Consumers wanted savings. GM responded the only way it knew how—by making its cars smaller, while leaving the engines as obese and ravenous as ever.

Sike....

Then someone said diesel. It sounded European, efficient, exotic. So GM handed the job to Oldsmobile, who promptly built a 350-cubic-inch diesel V8 by half-heartedly modifying a gasoline block. The result: 120 horsepower, or just 105 hp by 1981—barely enough to power a lawnmower in Texas. The 0–60 time was undefined; theoretically measurable, but only over a distance exceeding the circumference of Jupiter, assuming the crankshaft didn’t snap first.

Olds diesels blew head gaskets like candy wrappers, sheared head bolts under their own compression, and detonated under even modest American conditions—wide open throttle from a cold start, on a 14% grade, with a boat, three screaming kids, and air conditioning on full.

Faced with public embarrassment and class-action lawsuits, Cadillac engineers locked themselves in a bunker and emerged with a wild idea: an engine that could deactivate its own cylinders. A V8 that would become a V6. Then a V4. Then—mercifully—nothing at all when the owner stopped paying for gas. Thus was born the W8-6-4, or Wee-Eight-Six-Four, the world’s first production engine with dynamic displacement control.

Unfortunately, the control computer had the processing power of a baked potato and overheated if you looked at it sideways. Traditional hydraulic fluid boiled. Freon was banned. Water corroded. Power steering fluid screamed in pain.

So the engineers did what any rational team would: they abducted women.

She did it with the Elvis, why not with a caddy then?

Operation Golden Stream launched with the covert capture of Cybill Shepherd, Faye Dunaway, Ann and Nancy Wilson, and several other high-salinity women of the late-1970s. Over weeks of unlicensed lab testing, GM scientists subjected their urine to:

• Induced resonance under live Eagles tracks
• Thermal cycling via microwave radiation and disco strobes
• Electro-viscous pulsation inside simulated intake runners
• Psychometric agitation using mood rings and cocaine residue

The resulting compound—a urino-electrical fluid of rare ionic stability—proved ideal for operating Cadillac's unstable hydraulic actuators. It was viscous, conductive, emotionally reactive, and most importantly, it didn’t explode.

Introduction and Sales

By late 1980, General Motors quietly renamed the W8-6-4 engine to V8-6-4. The change was not technical—it was linguistic damage control. The original name had become toxic, a punchline. A single letter was removed in the hope that memory itself could be edited.

Youngest Cadillac owner

The V8-6-4 was installed across Cadillac’s full-size lineup, targeting a core demographic with unmatched brand loyalty and steadily declining organ function: American men between the ages of 78 and 195. These were not customers seeking innovation. These were men like:

• Leonard Franks, 95, a retired carpet magnate from Sarasota, who owned a Seville because it looked like money and had a cassette deck.
• Raymond “Bud” Chesney, 127, who bought a Sedan DeVille specifically because it had no manual controls and enough chrome to trigger solar flares.
• Clarence Willard, 88, former union boss and current OxyContin enthusiast, who drove a Coupe DeVille with 9,000 miles and 14,000 hours of idling time.
• Luther “Pops” Griswold, 156, who insisted on the Fleetwood Brougham because it “felt like sitting in God’s lap,” but mostly because he couldn’t bend his knees anymore.
• Benjamin Alvarez, 79, a semi-retired strip club owner with one lung and three wives (former), who drove an Eldorado because it matched his sofa and his blood pressure.

The V8-6-4's purpose was clear: reduce fuel consumption without reducing cylinder count. In theory, the system deactivated cylinders during light loads—turning the engine into a V6 or even a V4. In practice, it did none of that reliably.

Well, it was smart, but.....

The microprocessor, clocking in just above toaster-level intelligence, regularly froze under real-world conditions. Moisture, heat, electrical noise—all triggered malfunction. Transitioning between 8, 6, and 4 cylinders could take several seconds, or simply not occur. Acceleration became a question mark.

Drivers reported delays, power loss, and “surging” during highway cruising. Some cars refused to shift down. Others lurched unpredictably when the engine decided—incorrectly—that full power was not needed. Owners, many of whom had survived global conflicts, viewed their vehicles’ behavior as either betrayal or stroke warning signs.

GM engineers described the system as “adaptive.” What they meant was that the processor stored driving patterns in volatile memory that failed under basic thermal cycling. Vehicles forgot their own programming. The learning algorithm unlearned itself every time the key was turned.

Service departments were overwhelmed. Dealerships began deactivating the system entirely before delivery. Cadillac refused to acknowledge the problem publicly. Customers were told it was working “as designed.”

Behind closed doors, GM faced another crisis: fluid supply. The original urino-electrical actuator system had been calibrated using biologically derived fluid sourced during Operation Golden Stream, an internal R&D project involving involuntary contributions from public figures including Cybill Shepherd, Faye Dunaway, and both Wilson sisters. The fluid’s precise chemical makeup—emotionally volatile, ionically reactive—could not be replicated. Follow-up requests were met with legal threats and, in one case, a taser.

Synthetic alternatives failed. Dealers began substituting Dex

ron transmission fluid, vodka, or saline. System reliability dropped below acceptable thresholds. Lawsuits followed. Cadillac’s legal department adopted a policy of “strategic silence.”

By 1982, the system was effectively dead. GM issued no recall. Technicians received unofficial instructions to disable the cylinder control module and reroute engine logic. No public announcement was made. Elderly customers were not informed. Most never noticed.

Specs (Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham D'Elegance)

Car, don't care that this one is from 1982, it looks identical.

Basic

Parameter	Value
Manufacturer	Cadillac (General Motors Corp.)
Model Year	1981
Trim Package	Fleetwood Brougham D’Elegance
Assembly Plant	Detroit, Michigan
Intended Market	U.S. domestic (exports discouraged)
Historical Significance	First and last mass-market attempt at electronic cylinder deactivation until someone at GM found the "undo" button 20 years later

Dimensions

Specification	Value	Note
Overall Length	224.1 inches	Longer than a World War II torpedo boat. Too long for 95% of European parking spots.
Overall Width	77.1 inches	Could block two lanes in Milan or three bikes in Amsterdam.
Overall Height	57.3 inches	Short enough to look low-slung. Tall enough to need three bodyshop visits a year.
Wheelbase	121.5 inches	Structurally excessive. Could carry two Fiat Pandas wheel-to-wheel.
Front Track	61.0 inches	Designed to “handle” in theory.
Rear Track	59.3 inches	Narrower for reasons unknown. Possibly shame.
Ground Clearance	~6.5 inches	Just enough to get stuck on a European curb or every single speed bump in Zurich.
Turning Circle	44.5 feet	That’s not a circle. That’s a municipal zoning issue.
Curb Weight	4,800 lbs (approx.)	Literally twice the mass of a Citroën CX. Heavier than a 2023 Honda Pilot, but with none of the utility, safety, or dignity.
Trunk Volume	20.0 cubic feet	“Golf bags? Sure. Human torsos? Also yes.” — Cadillac Marketing, probably.
Fuel Tank Capacity	25.0 gallons	Fill-ups classified as minor economic events. May require diplomatic clearance in Europe.

Comparison

Feature	Cadillac Fleetwood	BMW E23 735i
Length	224.1 in	191.7 in
Width	77.1 in	69.3 in
Curb Weight	~4,800 lbs	~3,400 lbs
Wheelbase	121.5 in	111.0 in
MPG (combined est.)	~15 mpg	~23 mpg
Turning Circle	44.5 ft	36.1 ft
Respected by engineers?	No	Yes
Inspired sexual incident?	Yes	Not publicly

Sex Appeal

Most women involved in Operation Golden Stream terminated their cooperation after phase one, often via legal counsel, citing unsanctioned thermal testing, lack of informed consent, and post-exposure erotic confusion. GM's legal department was overwhelmed with pre-litigation inquiries concerning emotional entanglement with machinery.

Cybill Shepherd was the sole exception.

Her participation intensified.

She became a permanent fixture in GM’s testing compound, often arriving uninvited, already nude under a trench coat, and carrying a half-empty coffee cup filled with peppermint schnapps. By week three, she was no longer merely a subject—she was part of the test sequence.

Notable incidents

• Engine fellatio: Conducted while the V8-6-4 idled at 900 rpm. Technicians reported slight power increase and momentary drop in engine knock.
• Group sex: Coordinated with up to six powertrain staff, often conducted on the hood or across exposed serpentine belts.
• Toolroom incident: Caught rubbing against a torque wrench display while whispering “do it in foot-pounds.”
• Fluid misidentification: Once mistook power steering fluid for massage oil. Staff chose not to interrupt.

But the most alarming—and mechanically incompatible—incident occurred in the parking lot of the GM Advanced Testing Annex, where Cybill was observed:

Rubbing her genitals against the rear taillight cluster of a pre-production Fleetwood Brougham.

This behavior repeated multiple times. When later interviewed, she claimed the taillight:

“Reminded me of jet-age tailfins. You know, when America had ambition and cars looked like they wanted to f*** the sky.”

She added:

“It was outside the trunk line—so bold, so exposed. And it had this edge... like it was judging me.”

According to maintenance logs, the sharp vertical edge of the chrome bezel caused a minor abrasion, which she reportedly referred to as a “patriotic scar.” A GM medic was called but dismissed.

Observation

Date	Event Description	Notes
March 3, 1980	Masturbated using shift column of development mule	Claimed it “knew her angles”
April 15, 1980	Mounted rear bumper during cold-start testing	Staff issued gloves
May 1, 1980	Inserted glovebox key inside herself “for safekeeping”	Key replaced
June 20, 1980	Rode rear suspension up and down during hydraulic test	Left bruises
July 11, 1980	Humped tail light while reciting Oldsmobile slogans	Camera footage missing

The most disturbing incident occurred on June 14, 1981, when Shepherd was found engaging in oral contact with the exhaust pipe of a pre-production Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham equipped with the Oldsmobile 350 diesel V8.

The engine was idling during a cold-start cycle, emitting high levels of particulates and sulfur compounds. Within seconds, Shepherd collapsed from acute respiratory trauma. Witnesses reported convulsions, chemical burns, and a faint smell of peppermint schnapps.

Medical personnel treated her for toxic inhalation and second-degree oropharyngeal burns. According to hospital staff, she was admitted under the alias Lorna Diesel and exhibited signs of mechanical delusion.

GM responded by banning her from all facilities, issuing a sealed NDA, and recalling the test vehicle for “emissions calibration.” The incident was internally classified as a Level IV PR hazard.

Shepherd never publicly acknowledged the event, though during later filming of Moonlighting, crew reported she occasionally froze at the sound of a diesel engine and muttered, “he lied about the torque.”

See also

• Cadillac
• Pimpmobile
• General Motors