Nissan Puke
The Nissan Puke (日産・ジューク Nissan Pūku ) is a cramped, uninspiring, unreliable, and most of all terrible subcompact crossover SUV (B-segment) produced by the French car manufacturer Renault under the Nissan brand (which was ruined by Renault) since 2010. Debuted as a production vehicle at the 2010 Geneva Motor Show in March, it was introduced to North America at the 2010 New York International Auto Show to be sold for the 2011 model year as the smallest crossover in Nissan's lineup prior to the introduction of Magnite in 2020, it is currently slotted between the smaller Magnite and the larger Kicks. (which is still a cramped crossover with bad driving dynamics).
The second-generation model was revealed for the European market in September 2019, offering larger dimensions by utilising the newer Renault–Nissan CMF-B platform (Still a piece of junk). The second generation marks the withdrawal of the model from most markets outside Europe and Australasia to make way for the Nissan Kicks. The name "Puke" means to "forcefully expulse the contents of ones stomach through the mouth", and is also derived from the word "pukebox".
First generation[edit | edit source]
HurUUUUUAAAAAGHAGHUUUUUUH this car makes one Puke
On 11 February 2009, Nissan announced that the model would go into production at the Nissan Motor Manufacturing UK (NMUK) plant in Sunderland, United Kingdom, during 2010 following its appearance as the Nissan Qazana concept car at the 2009 Geneva Motor Show.
The Puke comes with a 6-speed manual transmission (The manuals are rubbish; get a Mazda if you want a proper car or atleast a Toyota or Honda if you want absolute reliability) or a CVT gearbox (which will blow up in 80,000 miles). The Puke comes with a range of Petrol and Diesel engines, all of which are slow, uninspiring, and trash.
The car's profile is dominated by the prominent wheel arches and the body's high waistline which contrast with the slim side windows, which is a modern interpretation of "coke bottle styling" popular during the 1960s and 1970s (but it makes one Puke when looking at it). Echoing a style first seen Nissan's high performance electric coupé concept shown at the 2007 Frankfurt Motor Show, the glasshouse resembles a racing helmet visor (though a racer or car enthusiast would not touch this thing even with a 10-feet pole). A coupé-like appearance is achieved by the rear door handles being located near the C-pillars, within the window frame (Its still ugly and the Jukes styling compromises space and practicality). Locating the rear door handles within the window frame is a Nissan styling tradition, begun with the 1985 Nissan Pathfinder (No ever since Renault bought Nissan, Nissan has not adhered to its tradition). The sport motif continues inside with the red or grey-painted centre console bearing similarity to a motorcycle fuel tank (even a motorcycle would make a better daily driver than this thing. At least a motorcycle is faster).
The Puke features seating for five (two in front, three in back; well in practice you probably would struggle to fit five people). The rear seats have a 60/40 split and can be folded down independently in order to carry larger objects (Still not as practical as cars like the Honda Civic or Ford Asploder; Seriously Crossover SUVs are not as practical as the equivalent hatchback, MPV or estate! The only good SUVs are the proper SUVs or 4x4s like the Toyota Land Cruiser). The rear cargo area is really really small but features additional storage beneath the floor (front wheel drive models only.[citation needed]
The steering column instrumentation cluster features a tachometer, speedometer, and a small display between them that displays real-time fuel efficiency (which like any other crossover is terrible), odometer and trip odometer.
A rebadged version of the first-generation Puke was sold in China as the Infiniti Puke ESQ. Who would of known that the Puke was sold in China under a luxury car brand. Like the Nissan Puke, the Infiniti ESQ makes one Puke infinitely.
Second generation[edit | edit source]
This gen is even more soulless than the last. The Nissan Puke truly is a disgusting automobile.
Nissan claims rear-seat knee room is increased by 58 mm (2.3 in), rear head room by 11 mm (0.4 in), and the boot capacity is now 20 percent bigger at 422 L (14.9 cu ft) because of its larger size (its still a cramped car; you know people should be buying cars such as the BMW 3 Series and Škoda Octavia instead of these souless and cramped crossovers. We seriously need to make Estates and Saloons popular again. We need to ensure that hatchbacks survive and bring back MPVs. Enough is enough! I have had it with these crossover SUV's on these goddamn roads!
Safety[edit | edit source]
The second-generation Puke was awarded a full five-star rating by Euro NCAP. They were probably bribed by Renault and the pro-SUV lobby to give this rating.
Reception[edit | edit source]
It was reported that customers of the Puke mainly consisted of young buyers and the elderly, resulting in an average age in the late 40s and a mainly female demographic purchasing the Puke, because they don't care about cars and want to be high up and think that all SUV's are spacious, unlike the young male car enthusiast who wants a proper car... Why would anyone contemplate a Puke? Likely someone who gave up on life or just wanted to follow the crowd.
In Europe, it is Nissan's second best-selling car behind the equally awful Cashcow (That's a shame it should have zero sales and should be banned. The Nissan Cashcow started the crossover invasion that genocided normal cars). U.S. sales of the Puke slowed in 2015, but the crossover sold 38,000 units in 2013 and 2014, and about 36,000 in 2011 and 2012.
And finally...[edit | edit source]
Make proper cars, Nissan! BMW, Audi, and Mercedes for all their faults at least make proper cars. Toyota, Lexus, Honda, and Mazda still make reliable cars. NISSAN!
Oh wait, Nissan is held captive by Renault hence the poor build quality and reliability. Understandable...
