Kia
“What car would I buy if I won the lottery today?”
The K.I.A. (Kills In Action) is the greatest automobile ever made. It is such a great car, that it is the only automotive brand Uncyclopedia has good things to say about.
History[edit | edit source]
The K.I.A was first designed and manufactured in Vietnam. Its purpose back then was to be a single structure you could live, work, and drive around in. The idea took off very quickly.
The K.I.A. as a dwelling did not last long, though. Within the next four hours, the size of the human being increased so much, there was no longer any room for a single person, let alone a family, to live inside of the K.I.A. Still, it has remained to this day the greatest method of transportation ever invented.
Safety[edit | edit source]
The K.I.A. is the safest car to date. It is stronger than a tank.
Here is the good news: cup holders now outnumber airbags 3 to 1.
Fuel efficiency[edit | edit source]
If you buy a K.I.A. and a $10 gift certificate for gasoline, you will get $10 off your next gasoline purchase.
Uses[edit | edit source]
The K.I.A. has many notable uses for which it is worth every dime you pay.
As a car[edit | edit source]
The K.I.A. is a very good car.
It is such a good car.
It can take you to Mexico.
And with its 77 year warranty, it will never break down.
As a weapon[edit | edit source]
The K.I.A. has made personal warfare accessible to everyone. No license, no training, just pure, street-legal force delivered straight to your driveway. Why conquer nations when you can merge without signaling?
As a place to have sex[edit | edit source]
The K.I.A. — spacious enough for two lovers, or two thousand gnats.
Either way, someone’s getting eaten alive.
For Humans[edit | edit source]
The car has air conditioning, keeping your testicles perfectly chilled.
