Fiat

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“FIAT- Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation”

“FIAT - First in all trouble”

~ Giuseppe

“FIAT - Fits in a tank”

“Fix It Again Tony ”

~ The typical FIAT owner on Italian Mechanic

“I participated in dogging in my FIAT”

~ Oscar Wilde on FIAT

“Putting a steam engine in a FIAT would be like putting a big black penis in me - bloody glorious!”

~ Fred Dibnah on FIAT

“ FIAT- F***king Insult to Advanced Technology”

~ Oscar Wilde

Fiat. S.p.A. (originally an acronym for Failure In Automotive Technology[look it up yourself]Fix It Again Tony, Italian Automobile Factory of Turin Anonymous Society), is a luxury Italian automotive manufacturer which make limited number sports cars to compete with Lamborghini, Pagani, McLaren and is intended to fit in above Ferrari of which FIAT owns. It was established in 1647AD when reborn, reborn Jesus decided to reward the Catholic Church for being so devoted to Christianity by building the Pope a luxury 2-seater sports car to allow him to travel long distances on the, then, unbuilt Italian motorways to visit his fellow relgious idiots.

Model Range[edit | edit source]

The current model range consists of only a handful of vehicles, although it is believed there have been many more models, car journalists believe that they oxidised before ever being viewed by the general public.

Current Models: Panda - The modern take on a car that, in it's first incarnation, allowed 14674 Italian children to sit on the back seat with enough room to wave their hands about at other motorists for no real reason - this was ideal for the average Italian family but not for any bugger else.Oh and the old one was much better. It was great for summer drives in a turd on wheels!!

Grande Punto - A Punto, which is widely known as a car driven by 17 year olds in '55 S' trim because their communist parents won't buy them a Ford Focus, but just a little bit bigger. Currently Hitler drives a Grande Punto as VW have totally ruined his new Beetle of which he describes as 'a fucking Golf unt a Mexican hat'.

Nuova Bravo - A car for people who can't afford a Golf and for FIAT salesmen to drive as company cars. Has a toilet built into the drivers seat so he can poo on the move - this new technology won an international design award in 2007 which means jack shit to anybody.

Multipla - This model possesses the most powerful engine of all FIAT sportcars, with a 4.2 litre twin turbocharged V8. The Multipla has the power to drag off the Bugatti Chiron and the 17 year old with the Subaru down the street. The Multipla is considered the most beautiful car to exist in present day, and is a definite head turner.

Some larger dealers also sell the FIAT owned Maserati Quattroporte which was designed to compete with budget saloons like the Kia Kiacrap and the Hyundai Crap-on-wheels - but these Korean cars cost over 12 times more and just aren't competitive with the £70000 Maserati for the budget conscious motorist.

As of 2008, the new ranges to be introduced in 2009 are the Fiat Pity and the Fiat Debacle

Reliability[edit | edit source]

FIATs are engineered to lose a part every 13 miles - the most prone is the engine at around 26 miles, this can cause serious problems for users who don't sell their cars on for 1% of the purchase price after the 20 minute or 25 miles (which ever comes first) manufacturers warranty expires as a new engine costs more than the original vehicle.

If a FIAT is purchased by an Muslim customer, due to the racist views of FIAT, the car will automatically use it's 'suicide bomber' standard equipment to take care of the driver and his large family.

FIAT is an acronym for: Fix It Again Tomorrow

FIAT bought Chrysler in 2009.

FIAT was arranged to be bought by GM Motor's but talks broke down.(Just like all their cars).

FIAT will soon be merged with Škoda, analysts believing it to end up as FiaSko Corporation.

New Features[edit | edit source]

New Features:

  • Round wheels
  • Brake Pedal (But brakes cost an extra $1 [not like the buyers can afford it, *cough* Giuseppe)
  • Steering wheel
  • Frame upgrade from cardboard to plastic
  • Can rip the Plastic roof off permanently so you have a Spyder, with Spiders included
  • FIAT Symbol actually looks like FIAT symbol
  • Replaced AAA battery with AA battery
  • Turn signals
  • Windows (Not Windows)
  • crumple zone WHEN you crash (because you will)
  • Radio (extra $100 for 2 channels)
  • 2 wheel drive (it used to be 1WD form being 3 wheeled)
  • Top speed 30MPH So you can kill yourself from the broken plastic frame
  • Alternator, So your AA battery doesn't drain in 5 minutes and your car starts slowly catching on fire after 15 minutes from the overcharge from the alternator giving too much power to the AA battery and the battery creating even bigger explosions than the engine's combustion already is.
  • Blows up after 10 minutes, instead of 5 minutes