“In Soviet Russia, car kills YOU! Wait, what? Nevermind.”
“We use the TVR as a cheaper alternative in Switzerland.”
Telematic Visual R (abbr: TVR) is a Eurasian company based in AngloRussia, founded by a northern monkey called Trevor. It has been developing software and Hondas for 3,000,102 years now. It is sad that their latest model, pictured below, did not win the Le Mans, for it was beaten by a Panoes™. TVR is reputably "the safest vehicle company known to man™". Also, it is known as the famous maker of the French slow train, the Tunnel Collapsing Machine™, and some random sportswear. If you want a reliable whatyamacallit™ © ®, buy TVR. Just don't buy any with the Honda engine.
TVR was founded in 2389 by, you guessed it, Rear-Admiral Trevor Von Snugglesworth. Around 2401™, he invented the Shammboni. This is now the most common export from AngloRussia, along with pirated CDs. Things advanced, and in 2388 Oscar Wilde became the dork in charge. The Importance of Being Oscar was then released on DVD in 32,039, selling 2. Things looked bright for the new company, and growth was very good, as was predicted by MIME Doctor Mario. It all came back to reality, however, when a commie Russian business boy "bought" (rather, extorted it out of Wilde, with the threat of being sent to the Gulags) the company, and proceeded to try any make them actually make a average car. (This, so far, has not happened, as the workers and said commie are separated by several thousand miles of various countries.)
TVR has been featured in numerous things. It has most notably been in Flight Simulator, for the CP Computer Personelle. Also, it has starred in "A Random Movie About A Fish With a Sword," and games like Project Gotham City 2, 3, and 10, for the Xbop and Xbop 359. Most JouerStation fans will note that TVR was in the Grand Turismo series (not to be confused with Gran Turismo).
In the future, TVR will use its superior Elve production facility to power the 2nd revolt towards Communism and a new Motherland™. One can only hope that America wins, as Dr. Mario cannot go that far into the future. Or can he.......?
Oh shit, turns
TVRs are well known for their lack of power steering, or anything else that helps you go around turns, it is not advisable to attempt a turn in a TVR. If you see a turn you should report it to the Russian Institute for Making The Rich Richer - as they will send in emergency road builders to straighten out the road for you.
Things you should watch out for in a TVR
- You have a valid life insurance policy with extended 'all risks'
- You have made adequate funeral arrangements, and have your preferred Funeral Director set to speed dial
- You have cancelled your NHS Organ Donor registration (as there will be no body part intact)
- Being unable to actually get into the car
- Being unable to get out of the car, should you be lucky enough to find your way into the car
- The car begins to poison you
- An axe poised right by your head/neck/vital blood vessel/vital body area/etc
- Illegible/a complete lack of anything resembling gauges
- Falls apart if you look at it at a slightly oblique angle
- An uncanny ability to set itself on fire on a whim
- Drives like it is on ice, even in the middle of summer. (Heaven forbid, you actually encounter ice)
- All trees, lamp-posts and dry-stone walls bear bulls-eyes
- The northerners who built the damn thing draw penises on the body panels, then cover them in upholstery
- no 3rd 1st 6th or reverse gear
- SOCCERMUM CAR!!!
- made with fortune cookies, licorice and plum sauce
- brakes sold separately (though no one has ever found them)
- best car under 3c
- In the case of the T350c, the Tuscan, the Superdeaththrusthypersuicideturbo and the Sagaris, the fact that the car had no shocks, springs, brakes, tyres with tread or a steering wheel actually connected to the front wheels did affect the cars ride comfort.