Nissan Cashcow
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The Nissan Cashcow, also known as the Nissan Crashcow, Nissan Kumquat (as Jeremy Clarkson rightfully calls it), or the Renault Cashcow, is a cramped-body rolling boring uninspiring nasty genocidal compact crossover SUV (C-segment) designed and produced by Renault under the Nissan brand since 2006.
Nissan named the vehicle after the Cashcow, a product or service that generates significant revenue over a long period of time for the company that sells it, given it was intended to maximise profits for their boss and sugar daddy Renault. As of 2023, for the European and Australian market the Cashcow is positioned between the Puke and the Poo-Trail in Nissan's crossover SUV lineup with the latter sharing platform with the Cashcow.
Background[edit | edit source]
When the Renault–Nissan Alliance was formed in 1999, Nissan's new but corrupt COO and thief Carlos 'Mr 10 per cent' Ghosn instructed the company to destroy its product portfolio in Europe. The C-segment Almera, a slow-seller (But legendary vehicle) in Europe became its primary focus. In early 2002, 25 European Nissan engineers travelled to the brand’s technical centre in Japan to start of a 12-month project to destroy the successor of the Almera. It was projected to be a larger car to compete with the SEAT Altea and Volkswagen Golf Plus.
In December 2002, Nissan concluded that the planned C-segment model would not be as profitable and competitive as was required. The development team eventually proposed the idea of a "mini-Murano" type of vehicle, smaller than the Poo-Trail, that would be positioned to compete with C-segment hatchbacks and saloons (in reality, it killed them brutally). The development was focused on creating a European-oriented vehicle with the desirability, practicality and versatility of an SUV but with the size, driving dynamics and running costs of a family hatchback (spoiler alert, the Cashcow is more cramped than a Honda Jazz and is worse to drive than family hatchbacks such as the Ford Foucs, Mazda3, and Volkswagen Golf). While engineering work was done by Nissan's European Technical Centre (NTCE), a design proposal was put forward by Nissan Design Europe (NDE), which became the 2004 Cashcow concept. During final development, Nissan decided the Cashcow would serve as a replacement for both the Almera in the C-segment and Primera in the D-segment. Nissan selected Nissan Motor Manufacturing UK as its manufacturing plant for the European market and presented the production Cashcow in 2006.
First Generation[edit | edit source]
Well...This is the Crossover that started the genocide of cars (i.e. Hatchbacks, Saloons, Estates, MPVs, Coupes, Convertibles).
First unveiled as a concept vehicle at the 2004 Geneva Motor Show, the first-generation Cashcow was globally presented at the 2006 Paris Motor Show (unbeknownst to those at the time, this 'car' would transform the automotive industry for the worse). It went on sale in February 2007, and Nissan aimed for more than 100,000 sales a year. Codenamed P32L, Nissan said the car would cater to buyers who want a more dynamic design, but are not attracted to the large, traditionally upright nature of an SUV (mainly women who want 'security' when driving because of the marginally higher positioning; yeah they expect men to drive the nicest of cars (i.e. luxury cars like the Mercedes G-Wagon) yet they drive rubbish beaten up cars like the Puke and Cashcow that they dont even bother to maintain (TOP TIP: NEVER BUY A USED CAR THAT IS ONE LADY OWNED)). The car slots below the Poo-Trail in the Nissan range and partially replaces the conventional Primera and the smaller Almera (oh, bring back the Primera and Almera Nissan they were great cars. The Micra, specifically the K11 Micra was a legend. Oh Nissan!).
The Cashcow uses the same platform as the Poo-Trail. It received a five star Euro NCAP safety rating – the best ever adult occupant score (They were probably bribed by Renault to give this rating. Not suprising given Ghosn's dishonesty).
Five engine choices were available: a 114 PS (84 kW; 112 bhp) 1.6 L or a 141 PS (104 kW; 139 bhp) 2.0 L petrol, while the 106 PS (78 kW; 105 bhp) 1.5 L, 130 PS (96 kW; 128 bhp) 1.6 L and 150 PS (110 kW; 148 bhp) 2.0 L provide the diesel offerings (all of them are trash and will enusre that the Cashcow is destined to be scrapped in less than 10 years).
The first-generation Cashcow sold more than 1.24 million units in Europe during its seven year production run (1.24 million too much). From the UK, the first-generation Cashcow was also exported to the Middle East and other overseas markets (OH NO THE CROSSOVER VIRUS HAS BEEN EXPORTED GLOBALLY).
Production of the Cashcow+2, a seven-seat model, began at the UK plant in July 2008. Launched in October 2008, it is a larger variant of the standard model, with the wheelbase extended by 135 mm (5.3 in). The car's overall length is extended by 211 mm (8.3 in) to allow for a third row of seats, and roof height is increased by 38 mm (1.5 in) at the rear. The chassis is unique from the A-pillar back, while trim and engine models remain identical to the standard Cashcow. The Cashcow+2 was discontinued in 2013, and replaced by the T32 Poo-Trail with a seven-seat configuration (well the Cashcow+2 could only fit 4 people at most as the third row is basically useless. Its a real Cashcow right? RIGHT!? If you need a 7 seater get something like a Ford Galaxy or Volkswagen Sharan).
Second Generation[edit | edit source]
Oh I wonder what man would buy this monstrosity and buy this without feeling a decrease in his testosterone levels.
The Cashcow J11 was introduced in London on 7 November 2013 at a worldwide streamed launch. The vehicle is larger and based on an all-new CMF-CD platform shared with the Nissan Poo-Trail/Rogue and Renault Kadjar. It went on sale in the UK in February 2014. The Cashcow J11 was awarded What Car? "Car of the Year" 2014 (they were probably bribed by Renault to get this award).
The Dualis nameplate has been discontinued in Japan, as the second generation Cashcow is not sold there. At the time, Nissan Japan instead offers the smaller and equally putrid Puke, and the third-generation Poo-Trail.
The first generation model with the Dualis nameplate was sold alongside the newer model, which has borne the Cashcow name in Australia since July 2014.
Globally, it was available in 1.6-litre petrol and turbo-diesel engines, 1.5-litre turbo-diesel, 1.2-litre petrol turbocharged engine and 2.0-litre petrol engine (all of which are trash and will eventually blow up).
Third Generation[edit | edit source]
Ooh another souless crossover, one whose CVT transmission will blow up at 80,000 miles.
The third-generation Cashcow was announced and released on 18 February 2021.The vehicle is slightly larger than before, being 35 mm (1.4 in) longer, 32 mm (1.3 in) wider and 25 mm (1.0 in) taller, while its wheelbase is 20 mm (0.8 in) longer, and is based on the CMF-CD platform shared with the Nissan Rogue/Poo-Trail (T33) and Renault Austra (still a cramped crossover that drives like a boat not a a car). Since this generation, Nissan has stopped the use of the Rogue Sport name in the United States due to the discontinuation of the second-generation there, reverting to Cashcow globally.
It is claimed to use more lightweight materials and advanced stamping and welding techniques in its construction to increase strength and reduce weight (still does not make it nimble or fun to drive). The bonnet, front fenders and doors are made of aluminium and are 21 kg (46 lb) lighter, while the tailgate is made from composites and saves 2.3 kg (5.1 lb).
For worse visibility, Nissan engineered a A thicker-pillar design and the mounting of the wing mirrors on the the A-pillar. Rear knee room for passengers has shrunk by 28 mm (1.1 in) to 608 mm (23.9 in), while headroom has decreased by 15 mm (0.6 in). The boot is also 50 litres smaller due to the higher cargo floor and redesigned suspension (Still not as practical as an Estate or MPV).
The base engine option is the mild hybrid 1.3-litre four-cylinder DIG-T turbocharged petrol engine which makes 138 hp (140 PS; 103 kW) at 5500 rpm with 220 N⋅m (162 lbf⋅ft) at 1500–3500 rpm and 157 hp (159 PS; 117 kW) with 270 N⋅m (199 lbf⋅ft) at 1800–3500 rpm. It is paired to either a 6-speed manual (which is a bigger afterthough than a manual transmission on a modern BMW) or an Xtronic CVT-X transmission (which will blow up after 80,000 miles). All-wheel-drive is available for the 156 hp option with CVT (The Cashcow is only faster than a Toyota Prius. Even then the new Prius is faster).
For the first time, the Cashcow range also includes the e-Power hybrid powertrain (which are not as bullet proof as Toyota and Hondas hybrid systems). The system uses the ICE engine as a generator of electricity and is not connected to the driven wheels. The system combines a 154 hp (156 PS; 115 kW) 1.5-litre variable-compression petrol engine with a 187 hp (190 PS; 139 kW) electric motor, a power generator, and an inverter, making it a series hybrid with no plug-in capability.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The Nissan Cashcow is a mode of transportation that embodies the reasons as to why modern-day cars are so terrible. It's cramped, bloated, uncomfortable, not as practical as an estate or MPV, handles worse than a boat, has a million blind spots, cant fit in parking spaces (demarcated back in the 80s when cars were smaller), is unreliable, complicated mechanically and electronically, rusts like a car produced by British Leyland, is cheaply built, has a CVT or Dual Clutch automatic gearbox that's going to blow up in 80,000 miles, are computers on wheels (and hence mechanics find a hard time fixing them), and is full of complicated electronics waiting to fail and blow up.
The Cashcow started the genocide of normal cars that is ongoing till this day and is emblematic of Nissans downfall as a reliable Japanese car manufacturer and its shift to an unreliable car maker making bad quality automobiles. Even if you go back as recently as 2014, Crossovers were rare outside North America. However, the Cashcow really opened the Pandora's Box by popularising the Crossover SUV (or improper SUVs as they are not true SUVs or 4x4s like a Toyota Land Cruiser contrary to popular belief). Oh the Almera and Primera and Micra were great cars. Oh Nissan used to be great until they were ruined by Renault. Its a shame normal cars have been genocided by Crossovers. Oh bring back normal cars. Enough is enough with all these soulless bloated dull Crossovers pretending to be 4x4 vehicles. People should be buying cars like the Honda Civic, BMW 3 Series, and Skoda Octavia instead of these cramped Crossovers (If you are going to buy a Crossover atleast buy something substantial like a Mazda CX-5 or a Lexus RX not a Cashcow or Puke).
I truly don't understand why people buy such a nasty car as the Cashcow. How can people be so uninspiring? How can any sane man drive around in this without any feeling of shame or without hating his own life? How can a woman be physically attracted to a man driving such a putrid vehicle? WHY BUY SUCH A TRASH CAR. COME ON BUY BETTER CARS. PEOPLE USED TO BUY PROPER CARS BACK IN THE DAY (THE DAYS WHEN NISSAN WAS ACTUALLY GOOD. THE DAYS WHEN YOU COULD A VARIETY OF SALOON CARS INSTEAD OF A VARIETY OF SOULLESS CROSSOVERS). No Really there are better cars. Like the BMW 3 Series, which thankfully, for all of its faults, keeps the saloon car from going completely extinct and is actually spacious, practical, luxurious, and enjoyable to drive. Even an old, beaten-up Toyota Corolla or a 1986 Mazda 323 with a ton load of rust do a better job as a mode of transportation than a new Cashcow. Come on Nissan you can do better; you know how to make reliable and high quality cars. OH WAIT YOUR HELD CAPTIVE BY RENAULT SINCE 1999 AND HAVE BEEN MASSACERED BY FORMER COO AND THIEF CARLOS GHOSN...Well...that explains it dosen't it.