Lincoln Navigator
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The Lincoln Navigator is an ocean-liner on the road, with the Lincoln Motor Company, a division of Ford, manufacturing and selling it starting with the 1998 model year. This large vehicle was designed especially for the North American market as a more luxurious version of the Ford Expedition—based on the idea that the average American needs more chrome to feel more important. Not only the heaviest Lincoln to roll off the assembly line, but it also boasts the largest cargo space—perfect for hauling large amounts of beer to a family reunion—and, as the first non-limousine Lincoln model, it has the room to carry more than six unhappy mothers to a PTA meeting.
The building of this iconic car, symbolizing fuel consumption, took place from 1997 to 2009 at the Michigan Assembly Plant in Wayne, Michigan. This much-loved symbol of American patriotism has since then been manufactured at the Kentucky Truck Plant in Louisville, Kentucky, where workers spend their breaktime discussing the virtues of Trump or Jesus.
Background[edit | edit source]
At the end of the 1980s, sport utility vehicles (SUVs) in the United States began their slow degeneration from purebred off-road machines into family buses for moms clutching Starbucks cups, bringing them closer to traditional station wagons. For reasons still unknown (perhaps an obesity epidemic, perhaps collective lobotomy), demand for SUVs skyrocketed in the '90s—not just among adventurers but also among office drones who never took them off the pavement.
In 1991, the Jeep Grand Wagoneer (SJ) ended its largely unchanged 28-year run of production, having built a reputation as a luxury vehicle distinguished by wooden trim along its sides, offering the amenities of luxury sedans of the time—though with worse braking systems and gas mileage. In 1992, Jeep introduced the Grand Cherokee (ZJ), a smaller unibody sport utility vehicle that featured an even wider range of luxury amenities and brought innovations that were so well admired by competing manufacturers that they went on to attempt to copy them.
In 1990, General Motors launched the Oldsmobile Bravada to appeal to buyers looking for a luxury sport utility vehicle that did not prioritize outstanding off-road capability. Later, in 1996, Ford launched the Mercury Mountaineer, which successfully offered a more premium version of the Ford Explorer. This move further supported the idea that luxury sport utility vehicles could be a large market segment. Seeing the huge profits made by larger models like the Chevrolet Suburban and Ford Expedition, Ford decided to increase its offerings, which ultimately led to the launch of the Lincoln Navigator.
Generations[edit | edit source]
First (1998 - 2002)[edit | edit source]
The Navigator was part of Ford's UN173 project. This simply means they took the Ford Expedition (UN93) and added more wood and chrome, making it pricier. Although called a "luxury" SUV, it was mostly a Ford F-Series with tweaks. The front had independent suspension, and the back had a solid axle, giving a rough ride if you hit bumps. The first model featured a 5.4-liter Triton V8 engine with 230 horsepower, just enough to get this large vehicle going on the highway.
In 1999, Ford upgraded it with a new 5.4-liter engine producing 300 horsepower, enabling it to tow up to 8,600 pounds, making it handy for towing another SUV. Design-wise, the Navigator was like a big, shiny box. It shared parts with the Ford Expedition, but Lincoln added extra chrome for a fancier look.
Design[edit | edit source]
If you wanted a vehicle that looked like a giant chrome-mustached box (not unlike your creepy uncle from North Carolina), the Navigator was for you. It shared its skeleton with the Ford Expedition, but Lincoln dressed it up with a generous helping of cheap bling. The front end resembled a high-end refrigerator, while the rear looked like the designer completely forgot people might want to find it attractive.
The interior? Lincoln tried to disguise the truck’s roots with wood panels and thicker carpets so owners could feel like they were getting more than just an expensive pickup. The radio controls only lit up when you needed them (because a glowing “eject” button would surely be overwhelming). The climate control system pretended to be sophisticated but only worked about half the time—much like the American healthcare system.
Luxury Features[edit | edit source]
Since the Navigator marketed itself as a luxury vehicle, it needed at least a few features to justify its price. In addition to power-adjustable pedals (because only poor people move pedals manually), it had a premium audio system with a 6-CD changer—perfect for furious moms blasting Backstreet Boys on repeat during the morning school run.
By 2000, Lincoln realized that fender-mounted antennas were a bit passé, so they elegantly hid it in the rear glass. They also upgraded the leather seats, so you could now sit on dead animal skin while feeling like you were somehow helping the environment.
The 2001 refresh brought a few minor cosmetic tweaks. The Lincoln logo on the grille and tailgate changed from red to black, instantly making the Navigator “more elegant.” Lincoln also swapped the badges on the rear to confuse customers who might have mistaken it for a Ford.
In 2002, they added heated and cooled seats, so you could feel like you were piloting a spaceship, and the steering wheel now had an embossed logo—something that surely made someone, somewhere, happy. If you wanted to watch VHS tapes in your SUV, you could opt for the built-in video player—so your kids could watch Shrek while you attempted to maneuver this ocean liner into a Wal-Mart parking spot.
Second (2003 - 2006)[edit | edit source]
After the revolutionary breakthrough of turning a pickup truck into a luxury ocean liner with rear-wheel drive, the updated 2003 Lincoln Navigator arrived. And how does it differ from its predecessor? Well, it has EVEN MORE CHROME, EVEN MORE WOOD, and an EVEN BIGGER GRILLE! This time, the designers took inspiration from the 1961 Lincoln Continental, which makes perfect sense—because when you think of a modern SUV, you obviously want something that evokes the 1960s and gangsters with shotguns.
Right away, you’ll notice the larger "waterfall" grille, which has grown so much that if the Navigator ever needed cooling, all it has to do is move forward, and the surrounding air will just drip straight into the engine. The headlights got bigger covers, increasing the chances that you might mistake a Lincoln on the road for a giant child predator lurking outside your house while you hesitate to step outside.
But the Navigator isn't just about looks. The new chassis got a revolutionary four-link independent rear suspension, finally bringing the ride quality closer to what you'd experience on a city bus. A new air suspension system was also added, lowering the vehicle by an inch when stopped to make it easier to get in. However, this system completely falls apart in any off-road scenario because, let’s be honest, no Navigator owner voluntarily touches anything that isn’t paved.
Under the hood, the InTech engine disappeared, replaced by another 5.4-liter V8—this time with three valves per cylinder, which sounds revolutionary until you realize the power output is basically the same as before: 300 horsepower and 365 lb-ft of torque. The biggest change was the transition from a four-speed automatic to a new six-speed ZF transmission (GERMAN!!!!), meaning the Navigator could now smoothly work its way toward a 12 mpg fuel consumption.
In the realm of luxury, Lincoln engineers asked themselves, "What if we crammed in even more unnecessary features?" Thus, the first-ever power-deployable running boards were born—a revolutionary solution for anyone who refused to have plain fixed steps like some kind of peasant. The list of features also included heated and ventilated seats, a THX-certified sound system with a DVD player, and even built-in navigation—perfect for finding the nearest gas station when your tank inevitably ran dry after 200 miles.
Third (2007 - 2017)[edit | edit source]
The year 2007 brought Americans a new way to prove that size matters. The Lincoln Navigator underwent a redesign under the code name U326, and what emerged was a legitimate ocean liner on wheels. This chunk of raw American imperialism boasted a front grille evoking the luxury of the 1940s and so much chrome on its sides that simply driving into sunlight could blind half the state. The Navigator also received a massive "power dome" hood, as if anyone actually believed that something other than a tired V8, producing about the same power as a 1980s Ford truck, was lurking underneath.
Of course, it still wasn’t big enough, so Lincoln birthed the even larger Navigator L (U418), which was longer, heavier, and had a cargo space suitable for smuggling small personal vehicles. The manufacturer claimed that the platform, borrowed from the F-150, provided better driving characteristics—a bold statement considering the Navigator had a turning radius comparable to an oil tanker and the aerodynamics of a brick.
To make sure everyone knew this was a luxury vehicle, the interior featured a bizarre retro gauge design reminiscent of the 1970s Lincoln Continental Mark IV—because nothing screams "modern luxury" like styling inspired by an era when the air was filled with leaded gasoline fumes and your chances of surviving a crash were nonexistent.
Technological "improvements" included ditching the traditional two-speed transfer case for off-road driving because, honestly, who in their right mind would take this behemoth off the pavement? This officially downgraded the Navigator to a status symbol strictly for towing boats or RVs the size of houses.
2015 Update[edit | edit source]
When the so-called "modernization" arrived in 2015, Ford proudly announced that the Navigator was no longer just a rebadged Expedition... which turned out to be a lie. In reality, it was just an inflated facelift with LED headlights, an even larger grille, and a turbocharged V6 that constantly craved methanol, ethanol, or any other form of alcohol—which was fine because the average Navigator driver usually had a stash of Jack Daniel’s hidden in the floorboards.
The result was a monstrous 2.7-ton sheet-metal beast that happily guzzled fuel through its 5.4-liter engine and returned a fuel consumption rate of around 20 liters per 100 kilometers. What was the conclusion of this decade of decadence? The Navigator was huge, impractical, thirsty, and absurd. But at least it no longer looked like a pedophile.
Fourth (2017 - 2024)[edit | edit source]
April 12, 2017 – American patriots in white socks, cargo shorts, and backwards caps are celebrating—the fourth-generation Lincoln Navigator has been unveiled at the New York Auto Show. Ford Motor Company has once again gifted the world with another chapter in its favorite saga: "How to Make an SUV Bigger, Heavier, and Somehow Even Less Practical Than Before."
This ocean liner, though slightly smaller than its predecessors, maintains the same core ideology—turning radius is essentially nonexistent, parking is an unsolvable mystery, and aerodynamics continue to take inspiration from bricks, only this time wrapped in chrome and aluminum for that extra touch of luxury.
The Navigator still rides on the proletarian back of its Ford Expedition sibling, though it acts like they’ve never even met. It comes in both standard and long-wheelbase versions (Navigator L) because if there’s one thing Americans can’t tolerate, it’s a vehicle that actually fits in a garage. While it’s available in both two-wheel and four-wheel drive, no owner has ever actually touched that switch—these beasts inevitably end up parked in suburban driveways, right next to artificial palm trees.
To prove that the Navigator has finally matured, Lincoln took inspiration from the Continental—roughly the equivalent of taking inspiration from a taxidermied platypus. The design is essentially a gigantic Lincoln Continental on stilts, but this time made of aluminum, which in practical terms means that in an accident, the vehicle won’t shatter into pieces but will instead gracefully crumple into the shape of an average suburban home.
Under the hood, the traditional V8 is nowhere to be found—an act of near-treason against the American elite. Instead, it’s powered by a twin-turbo 3.5L V6—the same engine as the Raptor, but modified for higher society, meaning it has lost all off-road capabilities and exists purely to tow yachts and transport oversized egos. Producing 450 imperial horsepower, it's paired with a 10-speed automatic transmission, which spends most of its time in an existential crisis, wondering whether to pick 6th or 7th gear while rolling at 12 mph.
The Navigator tries to look futuristic but still takes inspiration from cars built 60 years ago—such as replacing the gear shift lever with a set of dashboard buttons, a callback to the mechanical absurdities of the 1950s. Back then, this was considered dangerous and impractical, but today? Today, it’s luxury!
Add to that a 12-inch infotainment screen so overloaded with features that most owners just use their smartphones instead. And for the first time in Navigator history, a head-up display is available—a perfect way to feel like a Boeing 747 pilot while attempting a 17-point turn in the Costco parking lot.
The Navigator is offered in multiple trims, starting with Premiere (for those still paying off their mortgage), Select (for those with two mortgages), and Reserve (for those who have simply given up on financial responsibility). But the ultimate version is the Black Label, priced at a modest $95,000. For the same price as a Bulgarian villa, you get a Navigator with an exclusive theme such as Chalet, Yacht Club, Invitation, or Central Park—meaning your interior will resemble either a ski lodge, a luxury yacht, an exclusive dinner party, or a place where you’re most likely to get mugged.
Fifth (upcoming)[edit | edit source]
A here we have it—the fifth-generation Lincoln Navigator, unveiled on August 15, 2024. And let’s be honest—if you thought the previous model was an uncontrollable tank on wheels, get ready to experience the thrill of driving a floating living room. Turning radius? Still mostly a theoretical concept. But why worry about turning when you can simply dominate the left lane?
This time around, the Navigator stole the front grille from its smaller sibling (The Aviator, car with similarly stupid name), because originality is clearly overrated. And, to make sure no one confuses it with anything less than an absolute chrome-plated land yacht, it now features a light bar across the grille. Because what’s more luxurious than a car that glows like a shopping mall during the holiday season? Rear lights? A full-width LED strip! Because if you’re going big, why hold back? And to ensure that pedestrians see this 5-meter-long monstrosity approaching, Lincoln has introduced the Lincoln Embrace lighting sequence. All it’s missing are fireworks and a confetti cannon.
And now, for the first time ever, you can spec 24-inch wheels! That’s right—the exact rim size that guarantees you’ll be buying tires more often than you buy gas.
Inside, the Navigator has fully embraced its luxury yacht ambitions. The star of the show? A 48-inch screen stretching across the entire dashboard—because why bother looking at the road when you can watch floating information bubbles in glorious HD? Not enough screens? There’s also an 11.1-inch touchscreen, letting you play starship captain by controlling every aspect of the vehicle, from seat adjustments to cabin fragrances (yes, that’s a real feature—Lincoln Digital Scent™!).
If you somehow manage to stay awake while driving, the 28-speaker Revel® Ultima 3D Audio system will drown you in a tsunami of sound powerful enough to wake the dead.
For those unsure how to relax in a car, Lincoln Rejuvenate has your back. Allegedly, it’s a "relaxation mode," which probably means it plays ocean sounds while your Navigator occupies two parking spots at once.
The second row is fully electrically adjustable, so if dodging smaller vehicles all day makes you tired, you can nap like you're flying first-class on Emirates.
And the cargo area? The Cargo Tailgate Manager transforms the rear of the Navigator into a bench or dining table. Perfect for those who enjoy dining in the middle of a parking lot.
Another innovation? A fully power-folding third row in a 40/20/40 split. Handy, in case you plan to store a backup supply of crude oil along with your fuel reserves.
Lincoln wants to make sure Navigator owners never have to actually think about driving, so enter Lincoln BlueCruise—a hands-free highway driving system, meaning you can finally stop pretending you can maneuver this behemoth.
New features include:
- Turn Signal View – Displays your blind spots, which, considering this SUV’s blind spots are roughly the size of an entire Mini Cooper, is essential.
- Intersection Assist – Likely something along the lines of: "Make sure you don’t mow down five pedestrians at once."
Engine[edit | edit source]
Under the hood, the Navigator sticks with a 3.5L twin-turbo V6 EcoBoost—great news for those who love excessive power in a vehicle that weighs as much as two T-72 tanks. All-wheel drive comes standard, which is critical—because if this thing ever gets stuck, it won’t just stay there alone—it will bury an entire village with it.
And to stop it from feeling like you're on a ferry in the middle of a storm, the suspension continuously adjusts itself, ensuring you still have zero road feedback but maximum couch-like comfort.
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THE MOM[edit | edit source]
She would be a loving mother. But only to her own children. Everyone else is just an obstacle on her way to the organic store, yoga, or a beauty appointment.
Yesterday, she blocked the entire school parking lot. Today, she overslept, so anything under the hood of this tank is completely written off.
There’s chaos in front of the school—small children running across the crosswalk—but she doesn’t brake. She doesn’t see them. And even if she did? She still wouldn’t stop.
Three kids? Five? Twenty? She doesn’t care.
One thought echoes in her mind: “I have to make it, or I’ll miss my morning meditation!”
The front grille of her Navigator gets itself covered blood at the same speed her brain filters out guilt. Once she leaves the city, she stops at a gas station, buys a matcha latte, and posts on Instagram:
"Every day is a blessing ❤️ #grateful #momlife”
THE DAD[edit | edit source]
He originally wanted a Corvette. His wife forbade it because “it’s not practical”, so he compensates with an unmanageable 2015 V8-powered colossus. He claims he needs it for the family. But the kids never actually ride in it.
Sitting behind the wheel, he imagines himself as the king of the road. When someone dares to cut him off, he has only two options:
Run them off the road.
Get out and beat them up.
He does both. Aggression is his fuel. And because he feels inferior, he needs to vent it at every traffic light, threatening to kill someone for staying half a second too long on red.
On his way home, he turns on Joe Rogan, stirs creatine into his protein shake, and wonders where to buy legal testosterone.
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THE GANGSTER[edit | edit source]
This isn’t a car. This is a throne. You don’t see the driver of a Navigator—only dark tinted windows. And if something comes out of it, it’s the smell of burnt rubber, bass vibrations, and an aura of menace.
He doesn’t use turn signals. He doesn’t need to. He never swerves.
His SUV is a tank plowing through mere mortals. Whoever doesn’t get out of the way ends up on the hood.
If the cops pull him over? He just laughs. If someone photographs him driving recklessly? The next day, they mysteriously disappear.
The road isn’t a place for rules. It’s his territory. And if you disagree, you won’t be part of traffic for much longer.
THE PEDOPHILE[edit | edit source]
The Navigator is a perfect disguise for a predator. Most people only see a flashy SUV owned by a wealthy dad. Nobody notices that he parks near schools and playgrounds.
The door opens—stuffed animals in the trunk, chocolate bars on the dashboard. He doesn’t want to attract attention. He’s just a friendly guy who loves helping out, right?
Nobody knows what’s on his phone.
Nobody knows what’s in his backseat.
Nobody knows who’s in his trunk.
And if things go south? He simply vanishes. In a car as inconspicuous as a coffin labeled “Do Not Open.”
THE APOCALYPTIC LUNATIC[edit | edit source]
He believes the world is ending. So he’s decided to speed up the process.
Every time he steps on the gas, it’s like spitting in the face of environmentalists. When he sees a cyclist? He swerves toward them. When he sees an electric car? He spits out the window and yells, “Fucking Morons!”
His car burns fuel faster than a forest fire in a drought. Every mile is a personal message to Mother Nature: “Die, you green bitch!”
On his rear window, there’s a sticker that says “V8 OR DIE.” If someone challenges him to a race? He doesn’t plan to win. He just plans to destroy.
Every ride he takes is a test drive for the end of humanity.
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ENGINE & PERFORMANCE[edit | edit source]
Engine: 5.4L Triton V8 (no, it doesn’t have an F-16 turbine, but it feels like it)
Power: 300 HP, but feels like 300,000 when it looms in your rearview mirror
Torque: 495 Nm (enough to make you think you can tow the Moon 3° closer to Earth)
Drivetrain: RWD or 4x4 (which means it can plow right through any cars in its way)
Transmission: 6-speed automatic ZF Fridrichshafen (It's german, however gears so long, you could earn a philosophy degree while shifting)
DIMENSIONS[edit | edit source]
Length: 14,500 mm (roughly the size of a medieval castle)
Width: 8,300 mm (so if you’re driving in the city, congrats, it's now a one-way street)
Height: 4,000 mm (taller than most family homes, which is useful because you’ll probably flatten one while parking)
Wheelbase: 6,900 mm (longer than the life crisis of a Ford Fiesta owner who dared to overtake you)
Weight: 9.3 tons (estimated, depending on how many children's bodies accumulate under the chassis during the morning school drop-off)
Turning radius: 16,000 kilometers (if you want to turn, you’ll need to file a request with NASA for an orbital adjustment)
FUEL CONSUMPTION[edit | edit source]
City: 22 L/100 km (according to Lincoln), but realistically closer to 80 L/100 km
Highway: 17 L/100 km (lol, good joke)
Combined: You’ll run out of money before you run out of fuel
Tank capacity: 106 liters (so you can refuel daily and financially ruin your family just as efficiently as a divorce)
SAFETY[edit | edit source]
- Crashes through anything under 10 tons
- Doesn’t need airbags—it never crashes into things, it simply crushes them
- If you collide with a Navigator, paramedics will classify you as "biological remains"
- Thanks to the massive hood, you won’t see children, cyclists, dogs, good decisions, or your own future
PRICE[edit | edit source]
Original price (2007): $52,000
Current price (2025, used): Anywhere between "Cheap enough to attract lost souls" and "Too expensive to make any sense"
Running costs: A mix of mortgage payments, the blood of the innocent, and the last shred of your dignity
