Ram Ranch

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Ram Ranch flag.jpeg

Ram Ranch is a ranch franchise owned by Canadian multi-billionaire musician, director and banker Grant MacDonald. It is home to many popular brands of random-access memories, which are grown in the vast grasslands of Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. In an interview with Rolling Stone, MacDonald originally wanted to open up the first ranch in Nashville, Tennessee, but was turned down by homophobic owners. So, he decided to open the ranch in Halifax. Since then, the ranch has grown to a franchise, which locations in Toronto and Alberta. Not only that, but it has also opened locations in the United States and Australia. Every year, an average of over ten million people visit the ranches.

Its slogan is "Ram Ranch Really Rocks!".

History[edit | edit source]

In 2012, after failing to sue the Getty family for over 4 billion bucks, current owner MacDonald decided to buy some land in Nashville. Unfortunately, the previous landowners of that weren't happy with MacDonald's decision to buy it because he was gay. So, he decided to go to Canada and buy some land from a farmer, who was going to move to Toronto. Thankfully, the farmer accepted his request to buy it, and with that, he decided to open up the first ranch in Halifax. The first items to arrive to the ranch were a bunch of random-access memories, which are still a staple part of the ranch to this day. Also a staple part of the ranch are the 18 naked cowboys in the showers. But also, MacDonald mentions that there were 18 more naked cowboys in the yard, making that 36. Every day, the cowboys participate in a homosexual orgy. However, it wasn't until 2018 when the ranch started gaining a lot of popularity that MacDonald considered expanding it into a franchise, and eventually, a cinematic universe, similar to Marvel.

The first sequel to the series, Ram Ranch 2, hires 18 more naked cowboys, adding a total of 36 naked cowboys, 48 if you count the ones in the yard. In the seventh installment, Ram Ranch 7, 28 US Marines raid the ranch and also have sex with the cowboys as well. Ram Ranch 85 is the first song where MacDonald gets away with saying the n-word. Several notable celebrities have visited the ranch over the years, including Prince Harry, Elon Musk, Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers and more. Ram Ranch has several locations across the country, but also in other countries as well.

MacDonald also created a lesbian version of the ranch called Escalade Ranch, except that there's 18 naked cowgirls and the Duchess of Sussex. Doja Cat and Miley Cyrus has visited this version of the ranch, the former being a huge fan of both the original ranch and the lesbian one.

About the owner[edit | edit source]

Grant Daniel MacDonald, or Grant MacDonald, also known as Sir Grant MacDonald, is the owner of the ranch. He was formerly a banker who tried to sue the Getty family for over four billion bucks. He also directed a movie against them, which, in reality, is actually a bunch of random 3D images being combined together along with very loud instrumentals and voices. MacDonald also claimed to film several movies related to gay sex, which are actually homosexual pornographic films he bought off the internet. His books that are supposed to be about the ranch were at first, but then gets to the part where he tried to sure the Gettys for a ton of money. MacDonald is originally from Summerside, Canada. He went to the University of Los Angeles where he studied drama and ended up getting his degree there. According to his Twitter account, his birthday is on November 6, however, he spends most of his birthday every year alone in his apartment in Toronto, where he lives.

Shawn Driscoll, MacDonald's boyfriend, will be inheriting the ranch when MacDonald dies.

Use during Freedom Convoy[edit | edit source]

The official logo of the Ram Ranch Resistance.

The songs and the ranch gained prominence in early 2022 when anti-vaccine truckers protested against vaccine mandates during the COVID-19 pandemic. To counter this, many men wore their naked cowboy costumes and fucked the truckers in the butts. As a result, the anti-vaccine truckers gave up. Not only were men involved, but women were involved as well, some of them trying to flood the Zello channels with the song. The ranch gained over 20 million visitors, most of them supporting it. The group of men and women were part of the Ram Ranch Resistance, whom MacDonald was also part of. In response, MacDonald was honored that his song was used to stand up for science. As a result, he, along with the men and women who were involved against the truckers, were knighted for their services to save Canada.