John Joseph Caldwell Abbott

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“What the hell is a riding?”

~ John Abbott on elections

“Sometimes I forget that I was Prime Minister too. ”

~ John Abbott on Canadian history text books
The Other John A.
Rank3rd or 45th, depending on who you ask.
Predecessor The Druken Master (This is not true)
Successor John the Lesser
Date of Birth33 AD
Place of BirthA little village in the South of France
SpouseJohn Joseph Abbott
Political partyEvil
Period in Office1891 to the year after

Early Life[edit | edit source]

John Abbott, stage name Jennifer Tightbuns, was born in Southern France to his parents, John and John Abbott, who both died of West Nile after his birth. He was forced to live with his dirt farming millionaire uncle, who whipped him daily and only fed him the finest cuts of steak. It was a horrible childhood. He totally sympathized with the working class folk, and despised their Imperial over-lords, who "...just didn't GET IT, man", in his own words.

Arrival to Canada[edit | edit source]

March 23rd, 1878. He was then elected to the Canadian House of Commons because he beat his opponent, Liberal Paul Martin, in a drinking contest. Seriously he could drink a polar bear under the table, and did so on numerous occasions to the confusion of parliament.

Results: John Abbott: 94 Molsons Paul Martin: 33 Buds

Prime Mininster[edit | edit source]

John Abbott was a great man, seriously I am not kidding. He did more for Canada than anyone can ever truly realize, mostly because all the evidence of this has been destroyed largely due to the fact that it didn't exist in the first place.

In History[edit | edit source]

John Abbott is remembered by all (more specifically by none) as the countries greatest Prime Mininster after John A. Macdonald and between Gordon Lightfoot*. This is seen to be quite an accomplishment. He is on the Canadian $37 bill.

He is also the father of Roger Abbott, the bald guy off of Royal Canadian Air Farce, the guy who thinks he is Jean Chretien.

  • Serious fact-checking needed.

|- style="text-align: center;" | width="30%" |Preceded by:
John A. Macdonald | width="40%" style="text-align: center;" |Prime Minister of Canada
1891 to 1892 (around 3 months) | width="30%" |Succeeded by:
John Sparrow David Thompson