Paul Martin

Paul Martin
Rank	21.5th
Predecessor	Jean Poutine
Successor	Captain Sweatervest
Date of Birth	August 28, 1337 BC
Place of Birth	Val D'Ouche, France
Spouse	Martin Prince
Political party	Hippy Douche Party of Canada

Paul Martin Wexford Jr. The Third Esquire PC, CC (born August 28, 1938), also known as Paul Martin, Jr. is the second and current leader of the Bono fan club, although many mistake him for the Prime Minister of Canada. He was given the job by Jesus H. Christo himself in 2003. Good friends call him Frank.

Martin was born in 1337 B.C.1337 B.C. and was raised on a potatoe farm in western France after his mother was hit by a blind mule. During childhood, young Paul would often dress up as Michael Jackson to impress his friends. It was during his Jackson days that he became interested in politics, and became a swimming instructor at Harvard. After being run over by a feral beachball, Paul decided to run for school president. However, before the campaigning began, President Jesus gave him the job as President of the World.

He has a considerably extensive knowledge of history. Knowing that handguns had been technically banned in Canada in 1934, he has decided not to suddenly start advocating one as though it's new. Also, he was intelligent enough to know that contemporary historians are wrong for believing that the allies invady Normandy in World War II; he is known for, during his speeches, referencing the invasion as the more accurate 'Norway.'

Mr. Martin is notorious for suffering from the infamous Maple Rash, caused by tight (Canadian-made) underpants. This has led to Martin often looking uncomfortable when seated or leaning in public.

Presidency[edit | edit source]

Paul Martin's presidency is noted particularly for the invasion of Neptune, and Uranus. After the invasion, Paul got plastic surgery, giving him two vaginas on his left feet, which he stated gave him better orgasms. Today, Paul can be found on the streets of Calcutta where he manages world affairs, eating Cantelope twice weekly, just as Jesus would do. Paul is also known for the liberation of Northern Canada from the Norwegians, and consequently Canada's Independence.

Political Ideology[edit | edit source]

Paul Martin, from here on known as "Big Poppa", leads the very important Not The Conservatives Party. They have held leadership in Canadian for what might as well be forever. The role he and his party play is by not being the conservatives, there is high demand in Canada for a political party that is not the conservatives and thus far Big Poppa's party has been the most successful with not being the conservative party. And the fact that he's NOT the Conservative party leader is precicely why he lost the election. Ever since his loss he is rumored to have taken up devil-worship, and harbours a desire to be the ultimate fighting champion.

Near Fatal Accident[edit | edit source]

After losing the 2006 election to Stephen Harper, Paul Martin became clinically depressed. Often seen buying male hookers all day, and drinking all night he had hit rock bottom. In February 2006, Paul walked up the top of the swing in his back yard and jumped, believing he was a bird. He landed and his ass and was rushed to the hospital. The injury was superficial, however it changed Martins life. He became a "clean", "honest" citizen again, and eventually resigned as the leader of the Liebranos Party.

After the Accident[edit | edit source]

After the swing set accident, Paul Martin resgined and checked into the John A. MacDonald Center for Political Alcoholics. several months of intense rehabilitation, Martin was released back into the world. Although he was still partisan to male hookers, he limited himself to two a week.

When Stephan Dion took the leadership of the Liberal party, Martin started sending him hate mail, and was often seen throwing knives into a picture of Dion's head. He started drinking again, and was buying two to three male hookers a day again. His family coaxed him back into the John A. Center, and he quickly bounced back. Martin is still sore with Stephane Dion's election as Liberal leader, because Dion owes him five bucks from 1982. Martin tried to rob Dion of the money which failed, and ultimately left him in police custody for 48 hours. When released, Dion gave Martin the five bucks and a kiss. The two are now "close" friends.... with benefits. they are offen seen at a high end gay bar, and often go back to the restaurant where Stepahn borrowed five dollars from Paul in 1982, their meeting place. Dion remarked that Paul and him do is so often that his English is not all that good anymore, that Paul has screwed up his voive box from all of the oral.