John Sparrow David Thompson

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“John..... John Thompson”

~ John Thompson on his name
Prime Minister John Thompson aka Captain Jack Sparrow
Rank4th in line for a spanking
PredecessorJennifer Tightbuns
SuccessorThe Bowell's of Canada
Date of BirthOnce upon a time
Place of BirthEngland
SpousePaul Martin
Political partyThis Party Has 22 Minutes
Period in Office1892 - 1894

Sir John Sparrow David Thompson, KCMG, PC, QC (November 10, 1845 – December 12, 1894), better known as Captain Jack Sparrow, was a Canadian lawyer, judge, politician, sailor, ship's captain and university professor, who served as the fourth Prime Minister of Canada from December 5, 1892 to December 12, 1894, as well as the fifth Premier of Nova Scotia in 1882. He was the first pirate to hold the office of prime minister.

Early Life[edit | edit source]

John Sparrow David Jason Thompson was born Captain Jack Sparrow in the middle of what is now known as the Atlantic Ocean. His adventures upon his ship, The Black Pearl, included epic battles with Davy Jones, Long John Silver, Blackbeard, and many other pirates and faredewells. His exploits with the ladies also earned him high praise and envious looks from his mates, aside from a certain wench from Atlantis. At the age of 30 he moved onto dry land.

Politics[edit | edit source]

Thompson entered politics in 1875, as a MP from a small riding in Ottawa, which happened to be called Ottawa. He was elected Conservative leader, and, in turn, Prime Minister, because the Conservatives were still in power and it did not matter who eas elected he leader of the party they would then be Prime Mininister, understand, huh, do yeah? Good, moving on, after the death of Sir John A. Macdonald and John Abbott. He was worried when elected leader because the previous two had died in office. He was worried that the PMO has a curse and he would die in office as well. He did.

Prime Minister[edit | edit source]

Thompson was Prime Mininster from 1892 until his sudden but entirely predictable death in December of 1894 after being seriously injured at the hands of a swordsman from his early days. As prime mininster he did things. Political things. Many of which are not remembered or even cared about.

Death[edit | edit source]

Thompson dropped dead on the lap of Queen Victoria in 1894. "Bloody hell... now what balding fatass is going to run the country," was the collective feeling from the Canadian public as he was the third bloody prime minister in four years.

Preceded by:
John Joseph Caldwell Abbott
Prime Minister of Canada
1892 - 1894
Succeeded by:
Mackenzie Bowell

Horatio McCallister.png