Captain Яidiculous

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Rrrree-diculous! Reep-dickuluss! Reap dickuless! Rape the Dick​less!

Captain Яidiculous

Birth and early childhood[edit]

Captain Яidiculous's previous birthday in 2008.

Captain Vzykh Яidiculous was born on February 29, 1980. That day was a Friday, the fifth Friday of February 1980. So his parents decided that his birthday would be celebrated on the fifth Friday of February. His next birthday will be in 2036. He is glad to have so few birthdays because:

birthday parties=brat shit pray die

Yes, this is how commutativity works. Further examples are shown in the section Famous Quotes.

In 1985, Vzykh was sent to the elementary school of Яeversion located in Яhode Island. The main courses were Яape, Яedund, and Яussian. The next year, the police officers found the school. It soon closed down. Then Vzykh moved to The Яuddy Mental Яudimentary School Affiliated to the Great Uncycloversity.

Becoming a Captain[edit]

Professor Яopf ꟼopf recognized Vzykh's talent on saying funny things. ꟼopf waited until Vzykh was 28. Then Vzykh became a captain.

The Яeligion[edit]

At age 30, Captain Vzykh Яidiculous found that false sentences could be true. The reasoning:

Sacяed Sentence 1: Sacяed Sentence 2 is false.
Sacяed Sentence 2: All false sentences are true.
Sacяed Sentence 3: Hence, Sacяed Sentence 2 is true.

The whole point of this Яeligion is to believe Sacяed Sentence 2. Everyone agrees on Sacяed Sentence 1, and Sacяed Sentence 3 is a result of Sacяed Sentence 2. The Яeligion is consistent.

Famous quotes[edit]

If you add any quotes to this section, remember to also add it to Template:Яandomquote.

On commutativity[edit]

By commutativity, FILA=FAIL.

Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

By commutativity, god=dog.

Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

By commutativity, spine=penis.

Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

By commutativity, teach=cheat.

Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

Commutativity is a communist plot.

Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

this is shit. Why? Commutativity.

Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

Occasionally Captain Яidiculous agrees with Captain Obvious.

By commutativity, stifle=itself.

Captain Яidiculous

Anything is equal to itself.

Captain Obvious

On English (puns)[edit]

Tree in middle of street.
A carpet is either a car's pet or a car that is a pet. It is never a rug.

Captain Яidiculous on carpets

A grow is some countable kind of cotton. The evidence: the cotton clothing is usually made of grows in Mississippi.

Captain Яidiculous on grows

A therapist is a rapist named The.

Captain Яidiculous on therapists

Check is a kind of heck.

Captain Яidiculous on checking

Drank is the past of drink. For the exact same reason, thank is the past of think.

Captain Яidiculous on thank

In the middle of street is tree.

Captain Яidiculous on Street

Nothing is poisonous; if you eat nothing, you'll die.

Captain Яidiculous on nothing

Nowhere is misinterpreted by most; it's actually now-here.

Captain Яidiculous on nowhere

Only idiots use idioms.

Captain Яidiculous on idioms

Propane is almost profane.

Captain Яidiculous on propane

Sandwiches are made of sand.

Captain Яidiculous on sandwiches

That common symbol found amidst D and F is not important at all.

Captain Яidiculous on lipogram

The longest word in English is FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION; it is 27 letters longer than an Astronomical Unit (AU).

Captain Яidiculous on the longest word

On himself[edit]

I am Captain Яidiculous. Captain Яidiculous is my name. Therefore, I am my name.

Captain Яidiculous on his name

ι ςρεακ Grεεκ.

Captain Яidiculous on hις lαηgμαgε

I sрэдк Яцssıдп.

Captain Яidiculous on нis гайgцдgэ

I speák Spañish.

Captain Яidiculous on his lañguage

On linguistics[edit]

Slavic languages are spoken by slaves.

Captain Яidiculous on Slavic languages

So why are there few who speak Slavic languages? Why are there few slaves? Because, when the slaves began to think, they would realize that 'slaves lack freedom' can be paraphrased as 'slaves are freedom-free'. That's a contradiction. So the thinking slaves exploded.

Captain Яidiculous on Slaves

The letter Ю is a picture of the letter O or sometimes the number 0 being raped by a man on the left.

Captain Яidiculous on the letter Ю

Actually, sometimes Ѧ is raped too. It would look like Ѩ.

The letter Ю makes the "you" sound. In Soviet Яussia, the "you" sound makes Ю (YOU)!!

Captain Яidiculous on the letter Ю

What is the least spoken language? Braille. Because it can only be written and nobody speaks it aloud.

Captain Яidiculous on Braille

On mathematics[edit]

10 points on AIME is a very poor grade.

Captain Яidiculous on AIME (high school math exam)

<latex>\frac{\sin x}{n}</latex> = <latex>six</latex> = 6

Captain Яidiculous on a math equation

On science[edit]

Dihydrogen monoxide is poisonous. If you stay in it for a few minutes, you would probably die.

Captain Яidiculous on water

How to make gold from cheaper metals: Al+Cu → Au+Cl. But remember to dispose of the chlorine properly.

Captain Яidiculous on gold

Oxygen is poisonous. If you breathe it for 75 to 100 years, you would probably die.

Captain Яidiculous on oxygen

On you[edit]

If you love yourself, then you are homosexual! Because you and yourself have the same sex. Unless you have two or more sexes at the same time or no sexes at all.

Captain Яidiculous on you being homosexual

You should take this advice: It's really important.

Captain Яidiculous

See also[edit]