Captain Яidiculous

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“Rrrree-diculous! Reep-dickuluss! Reap dickuless! Rape the Dick​less!”

Birth and early childhood[edit | edit source]

Captain Яidiculous's birthday in 2008.

Captain Vzykh Яidiculous was born on February 29, 1980. That day was a Friday, the fifth Friday of February 1980. So his parents decided that his birthday would be celebrated on the fifth Friday of February. His next birthday will be in 2036. He is glad to have so few birthdays because:

birthday parties=brat shit pray die

Yes, this is how commutativity works. Further examples are shown in the section Famous Quotes.

In 1985, Vzykh was sent to the elementary school of Яeversion located in Яhode Island. The main courses were Яape, Яedund, and Яussian. The next year, the police officers found the school. It soon closed down. Then Vzykh moved to The Яuddy Mental Яudimentary School Affiliated to the Great Uncycloversity.

Becoming a Captain[edit | edit source]

Professor Яopf ꟼopf recognized Vzykh's talent on saying funny things. ꟼopf waited until Vzykh was 28. Then Vzykh became a captain.

The Яeligion[edit | edit source]

At age 30, Captain Vzykh Яidiculous found that false sentences could be true. The reasoning:

Sacяed Sentence 1: Sacяed Sentence 2 is false.
Sacяed Sentence 2: All false sentences are true.
Sacяed Sentence 3: Hence, Sacяed Sentence 2 is true.

The whole point of this Яeligion is to believe Sacяed Sentence 2. Everyone agrees on Sacяed Sentence 1, and Sacяed Sentence 3 is a result of Sacяed Sentence 2. The Яeligion is consistent.

Famous quotes[edit | edit source]

If you add any quotes to this section, remember to also add it to Template:Яandomquote.

On commutativity[edit | edit source]

“By commutativity, FILA=FAIL.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

“By commutativity, god=dog.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

“By commutativity, spine=penis.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

“By commutativity, teach=cheat.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

“By commutativity, penguins=penis gun.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

“Commutativity is a communist plot.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

“this is shit. Why? Commutativity.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on commutativity

Occasionally Captain Яidiculous agrees with Captain Obvious.

“By commutativity, stifle=itself.”

“Anything is equal to itself.”

On English (puns)[edit | edit source]

Tree in middle of street.

“A carpet is either a car's pet or a car that is a pet. It is never a rug.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on carpets

“A grow is some countable kind of cotton. The evidence: the cotton clothing is usually made of grows in Mississippi.”

“A therapist is a rapist named The.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on therapists

“Check is a kind of heck.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on checking

“Drank is the past of drink. For the exact same reason, thank is the past of think.”

“In the middle of street is tree.”

“Nothing is poisonous; if you eat nothing, you'll die.”

“Nowhere is misinterpreted by most; it's actually now-here.”

“Only idiots use idioms.”

“Propane is almost profane.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on propane

“Sandwiches are made of sand.”

“That common symbol found amidst D and F is not important at all.”

“The longest word in English is FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION; it is 27 letters longer than an Astronomical Unit (AU).”

~ Captain Яidiculous on the longest word

On himself[edit | edit source]

“I am Captain Яidiculous. Captain Яidiculous is my name. Therefore, I am my name.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on his name

“ι ςρεακ Grεεκ.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on hις lαηgμαgε

“I sрэдк Яцssıдп.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on нis гайgцдgэ

“I speák Spañish.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on his lañguage

On linguistics[edit | edit source]

“Slavic languages are spoken by slaves.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on Slavic languages

“So why are there few who speak Slavic languages? Why are there few slaves? Because, when the slaves began to think, they would realize that 'slaves lack freedom' can be paraphrased as 'slaves are freedom-free'. That's a contradiction. So the thinking slaves exploded.”

“The letter Ю is a picture of the letter O or sometimes the number 0 being raped by a man on the left.”

~ Captain Яidiculous on the letter Ю

Actually, sometimes Ѧ is raped too. It would look like Ѩ.

“The letter Ю makes the "you" sound. In Soviet Яussia, the "you" sound makes Ю (YOU)!!”

~ Captain Яidiculous on the letter Ю

“What is the least spoken language? Braille. Because it can only be written and nobody speaks it aloud.”

On mathematics[edit | edit source]

“10 points on AIME is a very poor grade. ”

~ Captain Яidiculous on AIME (high school math exam)

= = 6”

~ Captain Яidiculous on a math equation

On science[edit | edit source]

“Dihydrogen monoxide is poisonous. If you stay in it for a few minutes, you would probably die.”

“How to make gold from cheaper metals: Al+Cu → Au+Cl. But remember to dispose of the chlorine properly.”

“Oxygen is poisonous. If you breathe it for 75 to 100 years, you would probably die.”

On you[edit | edit source]

“If you love yourself, then you are homosexual! Because you and yourself have the same sex. Unless you have two or more sexes at the same time or no sexes at all. ”

“You should take this advice:
“Never nest quotes.

“It's really important.”

See also[edit | edit source]

Horatio McCallister.png
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