Formula E
“reeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“Formula E truly has the potential to become the future of motorsport. Formula One is the past!”
Formula E (officially known as the ABB FIA Formula E World Championship or Formula Electric Toothbrush Series by Renault Series) is a motorsport series consisting of funny sounding, Dorito-shaped electric cars which mostly race on city-street circuits. The championship is currently in its 10th Season, with the Driver's Championship currently being led by Mercedes reject Pascal Wehrlein at TAG Heuer Porsche, and the Constructor's Championship being led by Jaguar TCS Racing.
History[edit | edit source]
On 3rd March 2011, former Ferrari F1 Principal Jean Todt, the only successful team principal in recent memory who guided Michael Schumacher and Kimi Raikkonen to too many World Championships, sat down for un dîner français en France with business-dude Alejandro Agag to discuss their roles within the FIA. By the end of the night, they both had too many bottles of red wine and instead created the idea for the Formula E Championship. Over the next few years, "racing circuits" in famous cities were designed by track designers who weren't Herman Tilke but somehow managed to make worse tracks than him. Todt said that it was "difficult to convince drivers to join an experimental series", hence many failed F1 drivers with no full time drive signed up rather than go to IndyCar. After securing deals with McLaren and Spark to build the first Formula E car, the first season of series was ready to go.
Regulations[edit | edit source]
Currently, 22 drivers with 11 teams are allowed to compete in the championship, with points being awarded to anyone who can keep it out of the barriers long enough. The weekend is often completed in one day, which is often a nightmare for the fans' sleep schedules, but sometimes they will run two races on the weekend, with one on Saturday and one on Sunday. This is done by the FIA to pretend they go to more places than they do to meet the quota of 16 races per season, and as a result skin fans for even more of their hard-earned moolah.
Qualifying[edit | edit source]
For some reason, officials ditched typical and boring for qualifying duels, which is basically finals bracket. However, there are no tiebreakers for 3rd, 5th and etc. place because FIA spit the stupid idea of determining the place by lap time of stage losers. To make it more bollocks, there is rule saying "first come, first served" (which doesn't really matter unless some crazy mf decides to copy the time of his rival). Besides the extra 3 points, it doesn't matter; no one wants to lead anyway.
Race[edit | edit source]
During the ePrix, drivers have to manage their power level rather than their tyres, preventing any interesting racing as no one wants to lead the fucking race. Races often last for an hour, as the batteries are shite and often run out of juice on the last lap.
The top 3 finishers celebrate on the podium, with the drivers in question being rewarded with a shitty trophy and a celebratory pat on the back for saving the environment. The winner is often Osama bin Laden, whose trademark "plane" celebration has pissed off fans worldwide. If not him, then Rick Astley often fills this space, having committed to the series since Season 1 as he will "never give it up".
Season Summaries[edit | edit source]
Season 1 (2014-15)[edit | edit source]
The first race took place in Beijing on 13th September 2014, where the series was immediately thrust into the spotlight. Not only was there a new racing series to point and laugh at, but there was also Nick Heidfeld barrel-rolling into the barrier following a collision with Nico Prost, which was very funny.
During races, drivers were required to pull into the pits for mandatory changes. In most other motorsport categories, the mechanics may change the tyres, repair damage or refuel the car. None of this occurred in a Gen1 pitstop, as the batteries were too small to last a full race distance and couldn't be quickly replaced or recharged. This led to drivers fully hopping out of one car and yeeting themselves into a completely new one, with the engineers then having a little fiddle around the driver's legs with the seatbelt to fasten them in and send them out again like nothing happened.
The champion of Season 1 was China Racing's NEXTEV TCR's Nelson Piquet Jr, who definitely did not crash on purpose in the 2008 Singapore Grand Prix to allow Fernando "Magic" Alonso to win.
Season 2 (2015-16)[edit | edit source]
In Season 2, the teams were allowed to construct their own powertrains, or buy one from another team if they were lazy. The championship was won by 35 year old Red Bull "young driver" Sebastian Buemi, whose only previous claim to fame were his tyres exploding off of his Toro Rosso at the 2010 Chinese Grand Prix. He claimed the championship after doing a Senna on Lucas di Grassi, instantly handing the championship to himself. In other news, David Bowie died.
Season 3 (2016-17)[edit | edit source]
After being robbed in 2016, Lucas di Grassi won the championship in Season 3 with the improved Gen1 Evo car, which just added a stronger nose and some battery regeneration technology. SUCH A PROGRESS. MUCH WOW.
Season 4 (2017-18)[edit | edit source]
The final season with the Gen1 car was won by Jean Eric Vergne, who beat Daniel Ricciardo in equal machinery in 2012. No one really cares since season was pretty boring just like this fun fact.
Season 5 (2018-19)[edit | edit source]
The first season to use the Gen2 cars was won by JEV again, the only competent enough driver to win 2 championships in a row. The new cars included an improved battery which could finally last the whole race, as well as a Halo device to allow the drivers to play Xbox One games while driving.
Season 6 (2019-20)[edit | edit source]
The winner of the sixth season was Antonio Felix da Costa. Unfortunately, a majority of the season was infected with COVID-19, resulting in the last 6 races being run in 9 days at the Berlin Tempelhof Airport Circuit. This meant that many people had a chance at stealing the title, including famous criminal Al Capone.
Season 7 (2020-21)[edit | edit source]
In the first season to be granted FIA World Championship status, 2019 Formula 2 Champion Nyck de Vries won the series, who then spent another year at Mercedes-EQ before committing career suicide by moving to F1 with AlphaTauri.
Season 8 (2021-22)[edit | edit source]
The final season with the Gen2 car was won by Stoffel Vandoorne, which was considered a great success by Mercedes-EQ who promptly fucked off from the sport and let McLaren take over.
Season 9 (2022-23)[edit | edit source]
In the first season with the Gen3 car JAKE DENNIS WON HOLY SHIT BRITISH BIAS GO BRRRRRRRRR.
Season 10 (2023-24)[edit | edit source]
Pascal Wehrlein won the championship, marking the most important thing he did after scoring one Formula 1 point in the 2016 Manor Shitbox Racing car.
