“How old is the average Buick driver?”
“What car gets into more fender benders than any other?”
“Name one car worse to own than a Buick”
The Big Ugly Inefficient Crappy Kinkbearer (B.U.I.C.K.) is an automobile no one wants to be caught dead in, but some unluckly folks are stuck in, sometimes for many many years. Initially, the owner of a Buick thinks they have a treasure. But as time goes by, the owner is looking for an exit to their Buick, and would even prefer to drive a Ford or Dodge; just anything other than their hated Buick.
Traditionally, Buicks first hit the road when they are purchased by someone aged 90 and older. The car is big, but the buyer is very little. The car is junk and will go bad when driven a lot, but that doesn't matter because the 90+ year-old driver does not put a lot of mileage on it anyway. Still, it goes through a lot of wear-and-tear, because the driver ends up hitting a lot of parked cars, gets into minor fender benders, or sometimes a lot worse. It is usually driven to no other places besides the supermarket, the senior center, worship, volunteer work at the local funeral home, and occasional medical appointments.
History[edit | edit source]
The Buick was invented in 342 B.C. by the Russians as a way to make long treks through Siberia. With so many people needing to make the journey every day, they needed the perfect car. Their answer was a car that was bigger than all the other sedans out there, and that didn't look particularly attractive, so the elements would not do much damage to it anyway.
The Buick never get its job accomplished. Many people trying to make these pilgramages were unsuccessful, got stuck in the mud, and needed big strong men to help push them out. The Russians ultimately abandoned the manufacture of the Buick. But so many had already been made, and they had to go somewhere. They were sold at a loss to America, where plenty of old men and women bought them to be their cars.
The first buick to come to america was the buick BS (short for back seat.) It was the choice car for hookers and pimps alike. Now, the legacy of the BS lives on in the enclave. Any retired porn star will tell you that it is their choice vehicle. The most popular color for the enclave it "white diamond tricoat", which is made from the seimen of JACK @sses.
In recent times, the Buick enclave carries with it 2 games. One is similar to the "punch buggy" tradition, but instead you bangcock the nearest person when you see one. Also, you can play Buick. The object of the game is to see who can scream Buick loudest. If you are quieter than the person before you, you are out.
Ways a Buick is obtained[edit | edit source]
There are basically two ways in which a Buick is obtained and owned by someone.
One way is through old age. The buyer of the Buick is senile, and has been tricked into the purchase by a dishonest car salesman. The salesman has a load of Buicks to sell, and he has to sell them somehow, so he sneaks them into the driveways of those whose minds have faded away.
The other way a Buick is obtained is from your granddaddy. This happens normally when you're in high school, and you first get your license, or if you are not lucky enough to get a car then, it happens when you are off to college.
Your grandfather had decided to give you a car. His car is none other than a Buick. There is nothing better than free. It is a Buick. But it is an automobile. So here's the news: It is the car you will be driving through your years in college, and if you drop out, or if you cannot find a job once you finish college, it is the car you will be driving for many more years to come. It is the car you will be dating in, if any pretty girl will give you any bit of a look. It is the car you will be calling AAA for help with every time it overheats or the fan belt is busted.