AMC Javelin
“"Aw fuck. Honey, get the fire extinguisher!"”
The AMC Javelin exists. That is really the only thing significant about it. Why does it exist? Nobody really knows. I think Dick Teague might have been high or something when he made this. The AMC Javelin was manufactured by a really patriotic company that merged with big bad daddy Chrysler in the 1980's, and the only reason Chrysler wasted money buying AMC was because AMC owned Jeep. You know, a company that actually makes money. The company AMC (Austin's Massive Cock corporation) was most famous for producing the Gremlin which was, along with the Ford Pinto, a car that would explode. (probably for the better).
First-generation Javelin[edit | edit source]
| First gen Javelin | |
|---|---|
| Standard engine: | Imagine if disappointment was a motor, then you have your answer |
| HP with standard engine: | Something really sad. Like 100 or something |
| Largest engine: | An overly large one |
| HP with largest engine: | A ridiculous amount for a car this old and stupid |
| Years produced: | 1968-1970 |
| Price: | According to boomers, they cost a quarter |
| Thicc? | No |
In an ill-conceived attempt to compete with cars like the Camaro, Mustang, and Charger (which were actually good cars), AMC released the first-gen Javelin in 1968. It did okay. The best way to describe this car would be meh. It wasn't that fast and it didn't look too good either. There was a V8 option for the Javelin called the "Go package", which is funny because the only place this car would go was the junkyard. Around the same time, AMC released the AMX (Autistic Moving Xylophone). That car was one of the few cars built by this company that was actually good. It broke land-speed records. Pretty cool. Its just a shame that AMC couldn't get there shit together more often. clearly, the Javelin was a success however. because if it wasn't, AMC wouldn't have gotten away with making the second gen Javelin, which took the crap-fest to a whole new level.
Second-generation Javelin[edit | edit source]
| Second gen Javelin | |
|---|---|
| Standard engine: | Fuck if I know |
| HP with standard engine: | Again, something sad |
| Largest engine: | Too big for this car, let alone any car |
| HP with largest engine: | A disappointing amount. It's all disappointing. This car is disappointing |
| Years produced: | 1971-1974 |
| price: | $500 or best offer |
| Thicc? | Hell yea |
Picture this: The year is 1971. The AMC Gremlin has been released and people are already confused and scared. But then, AMC attacks again with the second-gen Javelin. People shit themselves. Not because of the car though. I'm sure someone on the Earth shit themselves at the time that car was released. Completely unrelated. but, people were worried none the less.
This car can only be described with one word; THICC. This car had a bunch of new styling features, such as a big ass, front fender arches that looked like if the liquefy tool from Photoshop existed in real life, and even more distance between the road and the bottom of the car. The second-gen Javelin lasted way longer than it really should have. (1971-1974). But then again, the entire company lasted longer than it should have. The gas crisis of 1973 really fucked performance cars in the ass, and the era of massive engines in heavy cars came to an abrupt end. However, the Javelin was virtually unaffected by this because it wasn't even that fast in the first place.
The Javelin in Trans-Am[edit | edit source]
Yes, the Javelin was a race car. Not a NASCAR surprisingly, considering everyone was into it at the time, but instead it was a Trans-Am car. But what's a Trans-Am car? Look it up I have no idea. Now I can hear you asking "How badly did it suck?", and the answer shocks even me. Apparently, the Javelin actually kicked some serious ass, winning the championships in 1971 and 1972. Now that Mr. Javelin isn't as much of a disappointment, maybe his dad will come back home. The Javelin got a fresh new drip for its racing career. Just like a middle-age, overweight dad at a baseball game, it was painted red, white, and blue and had some numbers on it. Over all, this cars experience in Trans-am shows that the only way to make a Javelin fast is to dump a bunch of money into it and make it a race car.
Funky Javelins[edit | edit source]
Here are some of the special (retarded) Javelins that exist in our universe. (more to come soon once I get around to it)
Ring Brothers AMC Javelin[edit | edit source]
| Ring Brothers AMC Javelin |
|---|
| Have you even wondered what a fast Javelin looks like? Me too. well, the Ring Brother's AMC Javelin is probably the closest you will get. It makes over 1000 HP and is ridiculously fast. Unsurprisingly, in order to get this Javelin to be that powerful, they replaced the shitty AMC motor with an actually good motor. So the only thing from a Javelin on this car is the body, which isn't necessarily a good thing unless you're a hipster and you think having good taste is overrated. |
Schyster Deviant[edit | edit source]
| Schyster Deviant |
|---|
| The Schyster Deviant is Grand Theft Auto's rendition of the AMC Javelin. Some Grand Theft Auto players believe this car resembles more of a Plymouth Hemi 'Cuda than a Javelin. These people have learning Disabilities. |
Mad Max Javelin[edit | edit source]
| Mad Max Javelin |
|---|
| In the movie Mad Max, Max is mad. Max is also Australian so it makes sense. Max, who is mad, drives a 1973 Ford Falcon XB GT. which also makes sense because you truly have to be insane to drive a Ford. but, some fans of the movie aren't that insane. They are MORE insane. There are plenty of examples of Javelins which have been converted to look like the original mad max car. It's either pure insanity, or pure stupidity. Either way, this will turn "Mad Max" into "Fucking Pissed Max". |
