Ford Asploder

An advert for something that looks like a Ford Fiesta, but isn't.

In 1990, before the War Of Terror, when gas was half a cent per gallon, the design monkeys at Ford Motor Company made a bold move to make a vehicle which was worse than their previous invention, the Pinto. However, this was not possible, but the Ford Asploder was born out of the noble attempt to emulate the Pinto. The Ilogin virus was suspected of screwing up the design, although this was considered impossible because the designers were stupid enough to do it on their own.

It was equipped with a 40 L engine and 1-speed zero wheel drive automatic transmission. There were both 2-door and 4-door body styles. The four-wheel drive versions came with a Borg Warner 1354 transfer case.

Uhaul

It is true that the towing rental corporation, Uhaul, will not allow you to rent a trailer from them if you are driving a Ford Asploder. They will allow to rent their biggest trailer if you have an Asian guy with you, so he can pull it like a rickshaw.

Positive Reviews

WOW! I had a 98 Ford Asploder that caught fire after being parked in my garage for 5 hours!. I arrived home at 5:00 pm and parked in the garage as usual.

Then, at 10:00 pm I hear a big “boom” and my buddy goes out to investigate the noise only to find smoke billowing out of my garage. Immediately he runs down the stairs, opens the garage and yells into the house, “Your car is on fire”! It is awesome!

Well this goes on for 20 minutes while we endured explosions, smoke inhalation and fatigue before the fire department arrived and was able to extinguish the fire. They proceeded to investigate the fire and the conclusion was “no conclusion” even after a second instigator evaluated the scene. The only thing they were able to assess was that the fire started near the firewall on the driver’s side.

In my research of the incident I found many documented cases of this occurring with Ford trucks and can only wonder WHY this can happen with no liability to the manufacturer. ARGH!

New Improved Features!

• Electric headlamps
• Round wheels!
• High Ground clearance to make rollovers take even less effort.
• Rubber tires
• Fake 4x4 compared to jeeps
• The car can not be destroyed by anything except by its own explosion!
• Grenade launchers, tank cannons, C4's, a cigar lighter, or almost anything, for that matter will not even dent the car!
• In 2010, the Ford Asploder 2010 as created, using 196% less fuel and generating 473% less explosion. Whoever bought that is a retarded man!

Flaws Added Features

Added dinosaur security feature

• Fire Prone Tires
• V-16, 40L engine to burn gas and destroy the ozone layer
• Much like a dog, it will "roll over" on command, with no addition training needed
• Aside all of this, the car comes with a free, easily flammable version of Squall Leonhart's clothes
• In correlation with the last bullet, these things may cause the engine to asplode!

Models

The Asploder comes in 6 different versions:

• XL - for people who are Extra Large
• XLT - bacon has been replaced with synthetic X-bacon
• Sport - smaller, yet uglier and less fuel efficient, pluse you get the look of a Mexican smuggling 300 pounds of coke with the rear sag. Kind of what the Hummer H3 is to the H2
• Eddie Bauer - slap a brand name on it and people will be more than happy to dish out an extra $2000 dollars.
• F-Asploder- Now you drive around with an F-Bomb in the trunk! How else will you kill George Bush with road rage
• Sarcasploder- Release in 2020, this model is able to wash your audio through extreme sarcasm, causing you head asplode, along with anything in the next five miles, including the car!
• D-Asploder the death Asploder that just kills you and then explodes killing you in the process