Sue
| The author of this article does not give a flying fuck if you edit it – heck, your stuff is probably funnier than theirs. |
“It's like the Amway™ of the 21st century.”
“This is like the lottery I put in every year. This is the best job I can find without filling out a résumé.”
Trying to decide the best job for you and your future? Then you need to know the current trends in the job market. What are all "hot" future jobs, and what jobs are in decline?
The UN in joyous partnership with the Nigerian Department of Labour have recently released a research paper on Future Occupational Trends 2005-2015. Can you afford not to read it? Will you have the skills to prosper in a changing world?
Winds of Change[edit | edit source]
Let's face it: It's more than pantywaisted song by the Scorpions, desperate to madly hang on to the shoelaces of a stumbling career. Without a doubt, Klaus Meine can sing, but he wasn't packing in the ladies even as a young man. And now this tripe? You, at least, can breathe a collective sigh of relief in knowing that your future prospects are much brighter. But the nature of employment is changing. So inhale, then proceed.
Working@Home[edit | edit source]
By all accounts, downsizing/rightsizing/assfiring will continue to mean that ordinary schmucks like you will soon be leaving your prized corner cubicle behind and pondering the broken fragments of your life from the lint-balled arms of your father's hand-me-down La-Z-Boy armchair. For your convenience, here are the the fastest growing and best paying home businesses of the future:
- #6 ~ Phishing
- Your account has been temporarily deactivated as a security measure; please re-enter your login ID and password.
- #5 ~ Nigerian Money Scams by Email
- I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'.
- #4 ~ eBay Selling
- What colour is your star? I'm a PowerSeller!'
- #3 ~ Pharmacy Mail-Order Service
- Sorry, Canadian entrepreneurs only.
- #2 ~ "Massage Therapy"
- Low rates, call anytime...
| Q: What do all these jobs have in common? A: They're despicable, illegal, and in at least one case (massage therapy) deceptive. |
- #1 ~ ...
Litigation: The New Work at Home Paradigm[edit | edit source]
With the US Supreme Court recently passing the landmark Freedom from Personal Responsibility Act, the doors have been thrown wide open on frivolous lawsuits of every shape and size.
Convicts Welcome[edit | edit source]
While a criminal record may be a detriment to the path of good employment at a reputable firm, it is no barrier to raking in loads of dough as a home-based plaintiff.
- Sue homeowners for any material loss, damage, personal injury or loss of livelihood resulting from their attempt to thwart you in the process of burglarizing their home.
- Sue radio, television and print media for any embarrassment and humiliation you suffer in front of family, friends and the general public as a result of the publishing or broadcast of your name and likeness for alleged crimes without your written consent.
- ...?