Time Travel Patents

 

This article was written using equipment that may have also been used to create documents containing actual science.

While every attempt has been made to avoid cross-contamination, caution is still advised.

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International Patent

Patent Pending, 2005. Nelson,B., et al.

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Summary

The Use of a Time Machine to assign Patent Rights

A business methodology requiring the use of a 'Time-Machine' or other device enabling travel backwards in the dimension of time. Such a device then permits the registration of patents before the original publication date, to allow a new benefactor to profit from the proceeds of said patent. By careful selection of such patents, it would be possible for the benefactor to amass enough capital to, in the future, fund the development of said 'Time-Machine' to complete this operation.

Background and description of the invention

1. Should such a possibility of 'Patent Reassignment in Negative Timespace' become widespread, it will become inevitable that various parties will attempt to claim-jump each other, travelling back to a few days before each other to continually preapply for the same patent concept.

2. This will inevitably push the date of all patents back to the eighteenth century when patent offices set up shop - all patents will have effectively expired in the present day. As this is an inevitability, the Patent Office might as well pack up and go home now. The alternative is to lobby legislatures to extend patents, as Sonny Bono did with copyrights. (See The Sonny and Cher Act.)

3. To avoid this possibility, we wish to patent the business method of 'The Use of a Time Machine to assign Patent Rights'. While this may be seen as the way for one entity to amass considerable power and fortune, it can be seen as the only way to prevent this escalation of patent reassignment and the confusion this would lead to.

4. It is possible that Patent Offices may become overloaded with work in the *past*. This may mean that staff may have to miss vacations/holidays they have already taken. This will not be fair to anyone. So we propose that, instead of travelling back to apply for these patents in the past when this may put undue strain on Patent Offices and their staff, we apply for these patents retrospectively now, as if we had applied for them in the past.

5. We will provide a list of patents (below) that we wish to be retrospectively granted to us shortly. But for now, anything involving Microsoft, Intel, Sony, and Krispy Kreme Donuts would be a good starting point.

Claims

We claim as our invention:

1. A method of obtaining exclusive rights in an invention using the following steps: observing an invention in use, using a time machine to travel to a time before said invention's first public use or patent application, and applying for a patent covering said invention.
2. The method of claim 1, with the additional step of licensing the invention to third parties.
3. The method of claim 2, where the license is conditioned on payment of royalties.
4. The method of claim 2, where the license is conditioned on payment of a buyout fee.
5. The method of claim 1, where the invention is one that members of a particular faith disagree with.
6. The method of claim 1, where the invention is a novel algorithm that runs on a generic computer with memory, input, and output devices in the prior art.
7. The method of claim 1, with the additional step of applying for patents on other inventions that are necessarily to implement said invention.
8. The method of claim 1, where the invention is the present invention.
9. A method of obtaining a reassignment of exclusive rights in an invention by notifying a patent office that one intends to travel to the past and practice the method of claim 1.
10. The method of claim 9, with the additional step of threatening that such time travel will increase the patent office's workload at some point in history.
11. A method of extending the term of a patent using the following steps: observing a patented invention in use, using a time machine to travel to a time before the patent on said invention expired, and lobbying a national legislature to extend the term of the patent.
12. The method of claim 11, where the extension covers all subsisting patents.

Patents on File for Preapplication

• Use of a Laser Pointing Device for Exercising Cats
• Use of Insane Marketing Techniques and Mass Hysteria to encourage Donut Consumption. Kreme K. et al, 1998
• Pet Rock
• ABBA
• Rubick's Cube
• Sinclair C5
• Intellivision Corporation
• Spam

T1M€ TR∆V€L

The Past • Back to the Future • Bill & Ted • Blackadder • Butterfly effect • Doctor Who • Dude, Where's My Time Machine? • End of Time • Flux capacitor • Future Santa • Ghost of Christmas Past • HowTo:Beat jet lag • HowTo:Go back in time and assassinate Hitler • HowTo:Travel Through Time • International Date Line • The IATT • Laws of Time Travel • SIDRAT • Space-Time Collapse • Stargate • STL • TARDIS • Temporal paradox • Temporal Prime Directive • Time machine • Time Travel Patents • Uncertainty Principle • The Present • UnBooks:Instant Messaging Translation Guide for 19th Century English Gentlemen • UnBooks:The Complete Asshole's Guide to Time Travel • UnNews:Correspondent travels back in time... • What If?:Dentists could time travel? • Why?:Won't time travel be invented? • Why?:Time Travel is Impossible • Why?:You Should Never Mess with the Space Time Continuum • The Future

LAW & ORDER