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“It's probably the same size on the inside as it is on the outside”

~ People who could not be more wrong on seeing the exterior of the TURDIS

“C'mon People Let's Get To The ReTURDIS!”

~ Some Retard on Misinterpretation Of TURDIS


~ Bill and Ted on Tardis
The TARDIS used from 2005-2010, on display at Yosemite National Park.

When people got bored of Jesus's neato skills, he decided to wow them all by building a time machine and cause the BIGGEST PARADOX EVER! So he built it and called it the Re Entry To Any Random Destination In Space, but people were unhappy with abbreviating this, so it was shortened to the TUrdis (although the reTURDIS was stored in the wardrobe of General Pinochet, this is obviously cheaper to make a new time machine than to print a new sign.... not!, but who cares about Tax payers anyway?!). Jesus then went back in time and got sexually assaulted by Jack Thompson, who had just played PacMan.

Design and concept[edit | edit source]

The TARDIS (full name reTARDIS) or TURDIS as it is now called is essentially a self-propelled time machine that utilises the scientific principles of its main source of power, that is, a pile of crap. Inside the machine is said to be bigger than the outside, but this is probably in illusion caused by inhaling of noxious fumes eminating from below. Certainly all incarnations of the Doctor who have used it previously have all been either crazy or died of chemical poisoning.

History[edit | edit source]

The Time Lords[edit | edit source]

Jack Thompson stole the ReTURDIS and had some fun attempting to place evidence claiming that Hitler had started World War II because he had played 'Medal Of Honor' and that before assassinating JFK the gunman had been playing 'Hitman: Contracts'. Jack then got bored and kidnapped Paul Daniels and forced her to join him in his intergalactic timehopping adventures or she would be forced to listen to her album 1,000,000,000 times consecutively with no breaks. Pope Dean Kilpatrickus is well known to travel in the ReTURDIS - he once traveled to the planet Zonkybook where they stole all his cake.

The Da Vinci Code[edit | edit source]

Main article: The Da Vinci Code

Jack and Billie managed to land in the set for the brand spanking new film adaptation of the 'Da Vinci Code' where they found Christopher Eccleston who desperately regretted being part of such a massive film and murdered Jack Thompson (after having played Doom 3 of course) and went into the ReTURDIS to prevent his own birth but then discovered that since he played Jesus in 'The Second Coming' that preventing his own birth actually caused the BIGGEST PARADOX EV3R!!!!11!!!ONE!!!!!1111!!!!!!!111!!!!!ONE!!!!11UNO!! because he had build the TURDIS and the ReTURDIS and preventing his own birth would mean that the machine couldn't be built and all this could never happen but then not being able to prevent his own birth would also mean there was nothing stopping him from building the machine!!

Listen stop creating headaches wow people hate people but love dogs.. simple as that i just realized this is all so stupid and i rather just know im actually right and your just clueless

and i really thought this website was something i should invest my thoughts into but why your fucking cheap

And you piss off the government... are you dumb... we can not re right the script

i didn't create this shit " god did " right ???


God gets angry, real fuckin' angry...[edit | edit source]

Main article: Wrath of God

God got confused and imploded the universe by possessing the Pope. Well...nearly...

The Pope (seen here without laser beams for eyes) uses his magical superpowers to implode the universe, actually, here he's uniting the Dragon stones but same-diff.

However...dun dun dun drrrrrrn...just before the unholy pope could unify the three dragon powers and destroy the world, Zombie Chritiphor Eccleston (a sad accident occurring during a bad attempt at a follow up to 28days later) arrived in the reTURDIS. Using his magical zombie powers he cast the Evil pope from St. Peters Bascillica just before the dragon ritual was completed. The twirling form of the Master of Catholicism (known as Pope Ratzinger in certain religious circles) fell 200 feet before becoming impaled on a twenty foot waterwheel*. It is rumored in some Christian camps that at that moment god arrived and transported Christiphor Eccleston in his true form (Zombie Jesus - also "Master of the Underworld")back to heaven where he was thoughrerly grounded. In the mean time God reinstated the TV role of Dr.WHO with Cassanova's David Tennant. Tennant went on to be the only Dr. WHO in history to have confronted Satan. This is soo obiously God's work. God later created a small version combining the powers of the reTURDIS and the TURDIS together, but for some stupid reason never gave it any weapons, so this super machine was destroyed by the US army under coalition of the CNN, who harvested the power of the Superpwnz'or "TURDIS/reTURDIS", and went back into time, to the creation of the universe. Then Steve (CNN's bouncer) kicked Paul Daniels out of station one, therefore causing a massive news story and creating millions of dollars as for some unknown reason to the public of today that CNN had pictures of the creation of the universe, and the death of the most hated singer/actor in the world all in one.[1][2]

The Chav War[edit | edit source]

TURDISes are being considered by the timelords as weapons in the war against chavs, due to their ability to go back in time and prevent said chavs from ever being born. TURDISes are the front-runner to be considered alongside desintegrator rays. Humane groups back the TURDIS, for not-so-obvious reasons. The doctor then formed the vigilantes, A-CPF11.5, or "Anti-Chav Police Force Eleven Point 5"

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

Please note, all information from CNN should be considered slightly less informative than any provided by even the most uproariously outrageous free internet encyclopedia anyway

  1. As a foot note: CNN actually claim to have footage of the exact moment the pope died but it is yet to be determined where the cast of Lord of the Rings and all the dead orks, Uruk hai and Ents appeared from.
  2. Another foot note: Bill Nye Actually rode on the TARDIS, but was promptly kicked out after Doctor Who Got his ass beat on multiple occasions at games of Street Fighter 2.

See also[edit | edit source]