Great Chav Drowning of 1920
The Chav drowning was a humorous tragedy that happened when 6 Chavs drowned and 40 more had their first-ever baths when someone turned on the tap that flooded the Chav ghettos of West Chatham. This event has received condemnation from Filthy Bitches, Inc. and Chav Amnesty International; however, it marks the invention of the shower.
Before the drowning[edit | edit source]
Chatham (now known as Chavham), was famously known for its growing population of the ethnic Chavs, who were seen as parasites to society at large claiming benefits, being unemployed, and generally introducing their vile music to 3-year-old kids who would turn into Chavs and add to the growing population.
This was met with a huge outcry from many of the native Chathamonians who started the Anti-chav party which won 64% of Chatham and elected Lord Satan (The father of Tony Blair). Lord Satan worked with council elders to try and eradicate the Chav using various firearms and classical music machines however their efforts were futile to begin with, until some had a great idea...
Turn on the tap[edit | edit source]
On January 32nd, Someone decided to turn the tap on and water came gushing out... The waters hit the Chav ghettos of West Chatham and within 39 minutes the ghetto was flooded. 34 Chavs were soaked and had finally had their first baths. Water kept coming out and 6 more Chavs were wet; however, things to an ugly/beautiful turn when the waters rose 3ft and Chavs started going underwater. At 3:30 PM the water hit Chavdonalds, Chavmark, and Cash Converters which instantly decimated the buildings due to mass looting. Water subsequently hit the Chav residential area thus rendering most of the hobo inhabitants homeless.
Aftermath[edit | edit source]
Someone decided to turn off the tap and water stopped flowing, though by then the entire Chav ghetto had been destroyed. This was primarily due to the fact that confused Chavs thought it was the water Pokemon Lapras seeking vengeance for stolen Pokemon cards. Furniture was stolen, homes were looted and six Chavs died a good wet death. Lord Satan proclaimed that after this event there could never be another January 32nd and therefore there is no recollection of this event.
Gordon Brown famously remarked after his boxing match with Tony Blair that the Chav drowning did Britain some good and possibly saved dole money and the NHS. However, more liberal parliamentarians such as David "Sugar Daddy" Cameron said it saved British values and stopped generations of inbreeding which would have continued had this event never happened. Bozo the clown commented that he just wish he could find a job.
Chavs who died[edit | edit source]
- Katie Price, allergic to water
- Davina McCall, her big mouth swallowed too much water
- Chris Moyles, starved after not eating for 2 minutes
- Lily Allen, lost her drugs
- Tyler the Dog, eaten by a Chav
- Catherine Tate, erotic death
Great Chav Drowning of 1920 Directors cut[edit | edit source]
A feature was released in August 2004 commemorating this great event. Special extras were included such as a never-before-seen interview with Lord Satan himself, footage of Jordan's drowning, and Hitler's reaction.
Reaction[edit | edit source]
Laughter was many's reaction accompanied by celebratory parties. However, there were a few politicians who wanted to appeal to the Chav minority who condemned this act such as the reanimated Gordon Brown and his cronies who said that not enough Chavs died and more could have been done to kill Chavs. Others such as Osama Bin Laden stated that he and his band Al-Qaeda wanted to portray a tribute to the fallen victims, especially Tyler the Dog.