Protected page


From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Wood Troll.jpg

“Know your Troll.”

~ Sun-Tzu on Troll

“Manual blinking activated.”

~ Common Troll

“We are a artists ”

~ Trolls on trolls

“Trolls are sad people who have no life and live in basements.They love to attack others with cyber-bullying comments and spam. They know they will never get laid.”

The common Wood-Troll, or Fourchanrandomspamlongstringofnumbersobscurepopculturereferencecursewordum is a close relative of the Orangutan, minus fur and the ability to form a cohesive thought. The troll began developing differently from the common jungle ape after the great Ape-Troll war of 2300 BC. In the end there was a stalemate: Trolls made all Orang-utans become gingers and lose the dash in their name, while Orang-Utans made all trolls lack the ability to craft an insult, and gain an incredibly inflated sense of self worth.

Trolls Today

The Modern Wood-Troll

The modern Troll is much more clever than his ancestor, and many have been known to get work in human environments, surviving fairly easily. With the emergence of Trolls in modern culture, human researchers have been able to uncover some truth about the gentle giant. Their favorite food is children's pine pie which is in Latin "Children's Pinus Erectus"

Trolls typically have their names tattooed on their nether regions. This is a result of Marital Rituals that date back to the early 19th Century. The details of these rituals are unclear, but many human beings do not wish to know the details, thus resulting in cases of Indifference and Disgust.

An atom of Trollium, the basic element that all trolls are made of. The two outer molecules are its two vicious horns and in the middle is its hideous face which is characteristic of all trolls.

Trolls are hard workers, but are only known to work for Dark Lords, or "People Who Have Bigger Clubs." Many humans have asked Trolls of a certain favor or another. These humans are usually regarded as a tasty snack for the common Troll, and are eaten on the spot.

The flag to which trolls are supposed to swear their allegiance to...unless they don't want to in which case no one will care.

One notable gang of trolls, the Finnish band Finntroll, are noted for their blood lust, jungle music, and hatred of all Christians, Vegetables, and Bright Lights. The Troll-organized band made it to #2 on the underground music charts for their song "Rock and Roll and Stab," defeated only by Magus' single, "That Magik Feeling." Modern Trollish Music (M.T.M.) involves many heavy beats, and Trollish Wailing, either done by a soprano Troll, or a Banshee for hire. Trollish Dancing is also very common, sometimes required.

Troll Organizations

An instance of Trolling

The Modern Troll feels a need to become Organized. This means joining a club whose leader is a) the smarter one or b) "The one with the bigger stick." These organizations (or "Happy Clubs" in Trollspeak) are mostly devoted to creating Mischief. The most grandiose of these Happy Clubs is "We Make Bad," a web-based club which uses the internet to make the usual Trollish brand of chaos. Many other happy clubs have followed the example of We Make Bad, resulting in lots of useless junk the internet doesn't need. This phenomenon has become known to humans as "Trolling," or "Pissing people off on the forum." The Trolls call it "Stinkywrite," in tribute to their use of annoyance used to take over entire websites.

The humans aren't pleased.

Internet Trolls were labeled as abominations to society & are now outlawed in thirty countries including the United States and Canada where trolls are becoming piss ants when they can't be conTROLLed.

Examples of Kinds of Trolling

Good kinds of Trolling

  • Going to twilight fan sites and posting about how much the vampire guy is a stalker and would more likely rape the girl at random times in her life rather than marry her.

Evil Kinds of Trolling

  • PM everyone you know on the server that they need your help at "broken map name here" when they can warp to the map easily and have their characters stuck for administration to work endlessly to straighten up.

"Meh" Kinds of Trollin

  • Editing things online to misspell a wurd. no one cares.
  • Checking back every hour just to see if anyone's messed with your edits, then edit in response.

Cannabalistic Trollin

  • The cannibalistic troll is a very strange and bizarre creature indeed. It wonders the "internetz" waiting for an unsuspecting troll such as the Meh troll to say something like "they called it the xbox 360 cause when you see it you do a 360 and walk away". This is when the cannibalistic troll strikes with such things as "I know, I walked away too" causing the meh troll to become enrage thus allowing the cannibalistic troll to engulf the meh troll.
  • For more information on the cannibalistic troll see your mom

Dixlexic Trollin

  • "oblem profficer?"
  • The average Yahoo! answers user unwittingly does this 4-7 times a day, often irritating intelligent people and confusing them at the same time.

Terrible Kinds of Trolling

  • Mentioning to the cannibalistic and meh troll that these are kinds of trolling and not trolls first of all and second of all if you did a 360 then you would end up back where you started. This would then encourage an onslaught for the cannibalistic troll toward the terrible troll, makes the meh troll stronger and the terrible troll didn't even troll at all to begin with.

Retarded Kinds of Trolling

  • Find out what forum sites <insert name here> visits regularly and talk about how much your grandmother can beat him up. (don't think he can find out where you AND her live huh? I mean you probably have tons of scatplay porno on your computer that came with spy-ware easter eggs and since you even share the same bedroom with her it's easy to find both of you (and I took videos of what goes on there too as... um... evidence).)
  • What the previous poster did is another form of retarded trolling (and is also gay for videotaping me and my grandmother last night).
  • Doing what I'm about to do..... you're gay.
  • Going on Facebook or Youtube and posting chain letters about how you'll have bad luck or die if you don't post this to 5 other videos or someone else's page
  • Posting chain letters like these to more than 10 people's pages instead of 5.

WTF Kinds of Trolling

  • Similar to Retarded Trolling, but WTF are the lowest of the low.
  • Spamming trololololololololololololol on any forum or message board you can find.
  • Problem officer?
  • WTF Trolls are still being thoroughly researched. While in captivity, one of them spouted something about putting on his 'cool face' before giving a hideous smile.

Oprah gets trolled

no comment needed...

Some argue that one of the most successful trolls of all time, was that of which played on Oprah.

A troll posted a statement on Oprah’s online message board with the use of the over 9000 meme, the statement was as follows:

“We do not forgive, we do not forget, we have OVER 9000 penises and they’re all raping children”

~ Master troll on Oprah’s online message board

Showing the typical sign of a middle aged person, on having no idea on how the internet works Oprah took this statement very seriously. Turning an Obvious troll into a successful troll. The aftermath produced massive lulz and several posters and videos.

Trolling Song

                             and thers nothin u can doo... 
                             and thers nothin u can doo...
                             and thers nothin u can doo... 
                             and thers nothin u can doo... 
         I Am Trolli- player has been kicked...

Troll National Anthem

The Troll National Anthem is sacred to all trolls everywhere and they are encouraged to spam the lyrics on every forum, message board, chatroom, walls of government buildings, school chalkboards, and anywhere else where it might offend or piss someone off.

Troll Habitat

A typical troll spotter.

Trolls today live wherever they can. Most occupy the sewers of big cities, where they can easily access internet from ground lines. Trolls are responsible for more power outages than they given credit for. This makes them very angry, as "Electric Smell" is their favorite underground game to play. (The details of this game are still unknown to us) Many Trolls still live in the forest, but they are seen as outdated by the city brand of Trolls. Trolls are like animals, you should never feed them at any given time. There are a number of individuals who make a hobby out of spotting trolls in their native habitats, most often the wastelands of YouTube comments.

Eliot The Troll

Maybe the most infamous internet troll in all the lands is the evil scumbag known as Eliot The Troll. He is mostly known for trolling on Youtube and other video hosting sites. He feeds off the misery of others (like all the French) and has no life. His most famous troll incident was when he trolled Bill Gates for being a gay. Eliot recently came out of the closet. Like all the other French he feeds on camambert and does naughty things with baguettes and carrots. Eliot has recently admitted to being a troll. Who knew?