Blood elf

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A typical Blood Elf female.

Blood Elves (or in their own tongue of Thalassian, "Belfs" or "Belves"), are the direct descendants of the High Elves (Helfs). They live in their kingdom of Quel'Thalass (which is translated into something that is really too rude to be printed here). Though physically perfect in every way, the Blood Elves (Belves) are really very approachable, kind, and generally not arrogant. No, seriously. They have a long history of making enemies due to their arrogant and racist ideals being misunderstood and as such, have very few true allies. They are currently members of the Horde, other outcasts who, like dorky kids on a playground, banded together because they have no friends. They are addicted to mana like a whore is addicted to crack cocaine, and will stop at nothing to fulfill this addiction. The leader of the blood elves was Rush Limbaugh. They are fucking sexy and are really hot (if you are into gay men or girls who haven't quite gotten to puberty yet).

History[edit | edit source]

Millenia ago, on the continent of Kalimdor, the Night Elves (Nelves) were split into two social groups, the Highborne (the most perfect of the Nelfs) and the regular elfs. Queen Azshara of the Nelves decided to kill the normal elves in a mass genocide so that only the perfect Highborne remain... long story short, those Highborne who decided to mass murder their own people in the name of a Utopia were kicked out of Kalimdor for their crimes, and they fled to the Eastern Kingdoms under the leadership of Dath'Remar "Sunkist" Sunstrider. Those mass murdering, bigoted, prejudicial, snobby elves that fled were later known as the Quel'Dorei (Quelfs) and are the direct ancestors of every Belf.

The High Elves (Helves) were living in peace until Arthas and the Scourge pwned them into submission. Arthas then came against the Helf King Anasterian Sunstrider. Arthas raised the demon from the Sunwell, the Helves' source of power, thus tainting it with darkness. Prince Kael'thas "Setback" Sunstrider, the Sun King and leader of the Helfs, declared with rage that the fallen Helfs would be avenged, and named the survivors Belfs (Sin'Dorei, in Thalassian). With a burning desire for retribution and an added +2 in their revenge stat, they set off into Outlands, following Kael'Thas and his promises to find a new source of power to replace the defiled Sunwell. Kael'Thas betrayed his people, however, by signing them up to serve the dark lord, Sargeras, and his Burning Legion, a massive force of demons that are weak despite their vast numbers, because they are all level 60-70 anyway, and are really no match for the average WoW player, who is a geared level 90.

So, with the betrayal of their beloved king, the Belves vowed to get revenge on Kael'Thas also, because, well, revenge is kind of their thing. The Belves who broke away from those loyal to Kael'Thas decided to join the Orcish Horde, making them the first (and only) sophisticated race of the Horde.

Behaviour and Appearance[edit | edit source]

Almost all Blood Elves (Belves) have long hair, leading many to believe that they are a race made up entirely of women. Their bodies and faces are very "beautiful". They are so effeminate in appearance, that there has been much confusion even among the Belfs as to mating practices, and oftentimes two elves of the same gender mistakenly try to fornicate with one another. This has led to the other races poking fun at the Belfs, leading to many popular Belf gay jokes such as calling Silvermoon City "Silver Poon", or referring to the use of Blood Elf (Belf) Magisters' wands in an inappropriate and lewd manner.

Belves (Blood Elves, if you want to get technical) also have green eyes, due to their corrupt use of fel magic and heavy consumption of absinthe, a popular drink amongst the Belves which is said to "really mess someone up". They also have pointy ears which led to many rumors spread amongst the races of Azeroth concerning satellite coverage.

Belves also have peachy, peach colored skin, which is very smooth and supple. Kind of like a peach. This is strange because there are no peaches in Quel'Thalass, or even in WoW, for that matter. Peachy peach peach. Peaches(noun, plural).

Although not highly publicised, the creation of female blood elf models were created by closet paedophiles in the art department of Blizzard's headquarters who like the look of pre-pubescent girls. This is exemplified in the fact that female blood elves have tiny breasts and narrow hips, suggesting their bodies have not gone through the process of puberty where the hips widen and breasts become larger than insect bites. The popularity of blood elf characters by male players who "gender bend" is thought to be from a subconscious desire to "tap" young highschool girls. Similarly, male blood elves are believed to have no genitalia and have a similar physical groins as Ken Dolls or those angels in Dogma, drawing into question once again how exactly this species reproduces. The lack of conventional breeding methods of the belfs could account for the obvious brain damage characterised by the head leaning constantly to one side.

Blood Elves ride massive Cocks as mounts in WoW.

UPDATE: Now, peaches do exist in WoW.

Gaming Style[edit | edit source]

Players who use Blood Elf (peach) characters are well known for running away as soon as a very minute amount of damage is inflicted on them gingerly holding their weapon. This gaming style is used by the species called n00b (n00bus maximus) and is commonly a hunter or mage. Commonly, Blood Elf characters are usually seen hiding away from the enemy in prolonged battle or sitting so far back that the enemy will have to use a griffcannon (see Red vs. Blue) to reach them. Challenging these characters in WoW is completely pointless as they always decline. Also, according to the America-Alliance Theory, they are snobby european people. (May or may not include British)

Blood elves are also very well known for their poetry, enchanting, and res'ing u bastys when ur mouth is bigger than ur sword. They're somewhat related to the species, Hylian (Hylius Boius) that's only found in WOW by cheating to go to Cinnabar Island and swimming up and down until you find one. Wait... Oh Fuck, that's Missingno.

Language[edit | edit source]

Selama ashal'anore. - "Justice for our people."

Zat'sa ammore. - "Let's copulate and then order a pizza."

Sunkist - Popular fizzy drink.

Anaria Shola - Fuck the Alliance.

Ann'da - Father (or mother).

Shorel'aran! - "Get the hell out of my sight!" (Popular farewell in Quel'thalass")

L'oriel - "You're worth it"

Anu belore del'ana - the sound they make when they are pissed.

Garnier - Take Care