Orly

Orly is a city in France. It is known for its owls and for the factories that produce the cheese eaten by surrender-monkeys nationwide.

Early History

The region now known as the Yarly Valley (of which Orly is the principal city) was first settled during the Roman occupation in 42 AD. As one of the only remaining areas not overrun by Romans, it was soon home to Gaulish resistance fighters. Notable figures include Chief Vitalstatistix, the legendary warrior Asterisk, and his partner Obelisk. Tales of their many and frequent battles with Roman Legionaries remain required reading in the schools of Orly today. During the existence of this "Zeroth French Republic," many institutions arose that later spread across France. One example is the practice of tyeing bards to trees, first started by the legendary Cacophonix. The Zeroth Republic ended, however, when the massive heaps of Roman dead littering the Yarly Valley caused the Plague. The Yarly Valley would not be settled again for centuries.

The Revolution

During the French Revolutions (all twenty-five of them) not much happened in the Yarly Valley, as people were still averse to any contact with the horrifically coiffed inhabitants. This was the primary cause of Emo not spreading elsewhere in the world until the twentieth century. The United Nations deliberated over recognizing the French people for this world-preserving quarantine, but decided not to unless the French agreed to bathe. The issue remains under debate. The first major interaction between Orly and the rest of France began in 1900 when a bypass of the de-la-Merde - Ys highway was routed through the valley. Integration into the rest of France was slow, however, until the World Wars.

The World Wars

French and German armies alike wisely both avoided Orly during the Great War. In World War II, however, Winston Churchill said "Sod it all!" and ordered the D-Day operation to pass through Orly. His was a wise decision, as much of Orly and nearly all of its pathetic inhabitants were destroyed in the ensuing battles. An added benefit was that as the Nazis were forced to retreat through the Yarly Valley, the music emanating from Orly made many of them so suicidally depressed that half of them died. The Orly owls, being able to fly, naturally stayed on the ground and were decimated as well; their rarity after the war added greatly to their fame. After the war, the city was rebuilt and repopulated by people forced at gunpoint to neither produce nor listen to music of any kind. This attempt to prevent the mistakes of the past was successful, but one side effect was the diaspora of Orly's previous inhabitants worldwide, resulting in today's Emo epidemic.

Orly Today

A citizen of Orly saying Hello

Today, Orly is a relatively large city. Its current mayor is "rly." Certainement, a member of the Fratte Party. Major suburbs include Nowaie, Yawaie, and Ilold. One of the most prominent features of downtown Orly is the huge statue of an Orly Owl, which some consider majestic and other merely something awful. Nearby is the archaeological site of a Roman forum, thought to have once been named Forum Webbium. The fact that Romans never actually came to Orly does not deter the Orly Archaeological Society from selling tacky souvenirs. A third highlight of the city is the Roffle Museum, which exhibits art from the Images Macroeux art movement.

Local Politics

Orly's politics are unique in France in that it revolves around the "Message Board," a board where citizens can write and repeal laws. As a result, politicians are rare in Orly, a fact of which residents are inordinately proud. Citizens of Orly swear their politics are better than any other in France, except maybe for Robespeirre's. As of late, however, the Grammar Nazis (holdovers from the Nazi occupation who still guard the Board) have reported an increase in vandalism on the Board, including an instance in which a performance artist covered the board in fourteen cans' worth of sliced SPAM. Upon this action, the word "orly" has been banned from use, along with the fact that it is too easily mistaken for the word "orgy."

National Orly Logo

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