Video essay
 |
Author's tip: For the best experience, read the article out loud in a very monotonous voice. |
“In my past, I had said disgusting stuff, and only you can forgive me for *sob* this... I am so ashamed of my actions, and I deeply apologize *sob* for this...”
After gaslighting their followers that the non-existent country of France was a real place, and after stating that Jeffrey Epstein was "my best friend", this horrid Uncyclopedian user has earned their place as one of the most hated Uncyclopedians on the site. It eventually went way deeper than these surface-level facts, however, as it has been revealed that Brown9622 has had a secret history of lying, pedophilia,[source nobody fucking reads 1] and even more. These events have escalated so much, that recently, Brown9622 has deleted their Discord account, and alongside it, have left the Uncyclopedian Discord server. So how did this story occur?
CHAPTER 1 - A Critique of Capitalism
It all began on November 1st, 2023, when user Brown9622 (real name: Richard Woods) created their Uncyclopedian account. Starting out as a nooby user, slowly, Brown9622 would grow their profile, creating new articles, helping other users, interacting on forums, and eventually, writing a featured article. For the first year of Brown9622's Uncyclopedian career, Brown9622 mostly made uncontroversial edits. Brown9622 helped other users with projects they were making, collaborated with another user to create a featured article, and grew their stance to be one of the biggest Uncyclopedian users during twenty-twenty-four. Eventually, Brown9622 gained a grand total of two thanks in their entire Uncyclopedian career, and went on the Hall of Shame after creating thirty-eight featured articles; however, it was soon at this time that their career took a dark path. A path for the worse. A uh... uh... route for the uh, uh, lesser. A uh... crossroads for the... inferior? No, that doesn't make any sense.
...
(Oh shit, this is a video. Uh, can the... can the editor cut this out, please?)
CHAPTER 2 - I <3 Capitalism
I don't know about you guys, but I LOVE licking the turds of people. Unfortunately for me, every time I do it in public, people scold me, like they think I'm some kind of "weirdo". Ugh! It's so annoying! I wish all the gals who watch me do it would immediately come up to me and say "marry me!" out loud! Like, one day, when I was walking across the border to Canada, and I pulled this stunt out loud, several people immediately called the cops on me! How cringe! I almost got arrested! And the worst part of this all? The Washingtonian and British Columbian governments are cracking down on these actions, committed by ones of people every day. How absurd! But thankfully, I, as a noble nerd and a Reddit moderator, have found a solution to this. Turdlicker Services Incorporated. With a click of a button, it will automatically gather the turd of a person throughout a ten-kilometer radius, sending it directly to your house. How convenient!
Go to Turdlickerservicesincorporated.com/videoessay to get a fourteen-day free trial to Turdlicker Services Incorporated products.
CHAPTER 3 - But THEN, Brown9622 said this...
On May 31st, 2025, on a typical Tuesday, Brown9622 spoke these words onto the forum, sparking the end of their career:
“Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Was 9/11 really an inside job-yay!”
This diabolical racist slur could not be tolerated. Squaw Dee responded by saying:
“What the fuck did you just say?”
It wasn't long until Squaw Dee created a video on the popular video-sharing platform YouTube about this situation.
“So basically... this guy stinks. Not only are they doo-doo-poo-poo, but Brown9622 said shit about 9/11. I-what-what did Brown9622 say again? Inside job? O... oh-okay. So basically, this guy said 9/11 was an inside job committed by George W. Bush's best friend. A-also, y'know, he... he probably stinks. And also, I have more subscribers than they do. And I'm right, and Brown9622's wrong.”
This video would quickly gain one million views, because God has a very funny sense of comedy. Quickly, discussion would grow on the popular polarizing hate-speech sharing platform Twitter.
52K
1.1M
1.5B 8.1BWe would never hear from Grog again.
And so, with Brown9622's reputation in the drain, there was only one thing they could do: Write a crappy response on Twitter.
Happy Monkey Monday.
3.6K -2This response was treated very poorly. I mean, blaming the common mass? How the fuck do you think that's gonna work out? However, this controversy was really a minor one. However, on June 4th, 2025, everything would change.
CHAPTER 4 - But THEN...
“Today we'll be looking at some of the most entertaining drama I've ever seen in this year so far. So basically, there's this controversy about Brown9622 about them making jokes about 9/11 being an inside job, and also them liking the terrorist attacks on that day. Uh.. so basically, Brown9622 is bad. Well, y'know, anything I say becomes the truth, and all the little goblins creating video essays will have to put my video in their videos.”
– Charlie (aka MOISTCRIT1KAL (aka Penguinz0))
CHAPTER 5 - Counterargument
106.5K -∞This response was not taken very well. And when the pressure started building up on Brown9622, they opted to make an apology video.
The best way Brown9622 could've responded to these allegations was to make an honest, calm, and collective response video. However, as in the usual scummy internet landscape, full of degenerates and pedophiles, who I'm definitely not[citation needed] because I'm so cool, Brown9622 released an emotionally-charged disorganized video (with a lot of crying, I should add), much like most apology videos you see on the internet.
“In my past, I had said disgusting stuff, and only you can forgive me for *sob* this... I am so ashamed of my actions, and I deeply apologize *sob* for this... there is no excuse for these actions, and I am deeply sorry for the people who've died during this terrible tragedy.”
This apology was not taken very well. The key point of this apology that was very suspicious is the line "In my past, I had said disgusting stuff". It implies that before the whole controversy, something else had happened that was even more terrific than this. The apology would gather over twenty-eight thousand dislikes, and only two likes.
This video was treated so poorly it ended up in the Forbes Top 100 Worst Apologies Ever. It was treated so poorly, in fact, that YouTube had to invent a new way of rating videos (that's how we went back to the five-star system). It was treated so poorly, in fact, that several reaction channels created tens of videos just laughing, crying, and "reacting" to this situation. However, all of these original statements would be set aside, as allegations would come out about suspected grooming committed by Brown9622 to a minor... wait, WHAT??? Actually I shouldn't be that surprised honestly...
CHAPTER 6 - Butt THEN...
“Now, I really hate it when I respond to people's responses, because y'know... that feels really scummy. But I don't f[beep]-ing care anymore, Brown9622 SUCKS! And also, I think they're a pedophile now? You can uh... look at these DMs right here...”
– MOISTCRIT1KAL (aka Penguinz0 (aka Charlie))
CHAPTER 7 - Oh Yeah, And Also Brown9622 Is A Pedo
So... I actually didn't know this happened? But apparently it's true. I... uh, found it after scrolling for three hours in the comments. One guy said that Brown9622 is a pedophile... yeah, I uh, yeah. So yeah. Uh, Brown9622 is a pedophile.[source nobody fucking reads 2] Also I guess Charlie said it? Whatever.
CHAPTER 8 - Counterargument 2
But it was too late for Brown9622 to fix their career, because recently, their Uncyclopedian account was banned for life, and shortly after that, they deleted their Discord account.
CHAPTER 9 - Aftermath
The Brown9622 situation has been of the most fascinating dramas in this year. Throughout the entire controversy, it seemed like Brown9622 had been through scandal through scandal with no end to the cycle. But whatever the future holds for them: the Brown9622 situation looks bleak.
But one more question lingers on this topic: Where is Brown9622 now?
Well I... I dunno, I'm not god or something.
Sources
- ↑ DaFuq!?Boom. “Skibidi Toilet - Season 1 FULL SCREEN.” YouTube, 31 May 2023, www.youtube.com/watch?v=WePNs-G7puA.
- ↑ The comments, specifically that one comment by that one person
...
...
Alright, that should be it for today.
B-but that's literally everything I can find about that person! There's literally nothing else I can talk about. I've searched every crack and crevice on th—
There's barely anything interesting about this person! D-
W-what do you mean reactor number 4? W-wa-
No! P-p-oh shit, that's exploding...
W-wait! Who's... who's editing these videos?
RCTRs 1-3.
RCTRs 1-3.
...w-
You're gonna edit these videos.
You're gonna edit these videos.
NO! NO! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO M-
“In my past, I have said digusting stuff, and only you can forgive me for *sob* this... I am so ashamed of my actions, and I deeply apologize *sob* for this...”
Aftuh gaws-lighteeng hez followers zat the non-existent country of Frawnce was a real place, and aftuh stawting that Yeffery YEpstein was "mon best friend", dis horrid Uncyclopedian user has aurned their flace as one of the most hawted Encyclopedians on the site. It avantually went way dee—
W-w—waz? My voice awcting wa—
Her' ya' go! W—wai—
See also
Footnotes
- ↑ (Not like we have any morals though.)
 | Article written in the style of its subject This article is funny because it is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is because you are an ignorant cultural philistine on account of having not consumed the same media the writer has. Shame on you. |
