 Me posting a pic of my court hearing | |
| Founded | October 6, 2010 |
|---|---|
| Headquarters | A porn studio in California |
| Owner | StealYourInfo, Inc. |
| Founder(s) | Kevin Conroy |
| Key people | Kevin Conroy (CEO) Miss Self-Proclaimed Model (COO) Dr. Photographer (mascot) Mr. Hipster (President) |
| Industry | Social networking, porn |
| Products | Threads A chat room Nude-selling |
| URL | Fake Real |
Instagram at first glance, it is just a picture taking and social networking app. But look further, or possibly make yourself an account, and you will find that Instagram has much more to offer.
Instagram is used for sharing your "life" through pictures. Some people actually do this, but most create pages for endless shoutouts or pictures of their lunch. In a recent interview, Billy Mays said, "I must Instagram my lunch! How will people know what I'm eating without it?"
History[edit | edit source]
It is a widely unknown fact that Instagram was not originally intended to be a social network. Rather, it was conceived by its founder and CEO, Kevin Conroy, as a solution to an issue he frequently encountered. Conroy (an avid camping enthusiast) would often embark on long hiking trips in the mountains, arriving back at his campsite late into the night. He would then prepare to make s'mores, only to realize that he'd forgotten to pack graham crackers. Therefore, he created Instagram, enabling users to get an "instant graham" whenever they might need it.
Who uses Instagram?[edit | edit source]
Instagram is used by many people, including the following:
- The Hipster: A trend-follower who thinks that Instagram is an undiscovered app. They are clearly delusional. They mostly post photos of so-called "popular" things (i.e., fashion trends, strange things, etc.).
- The Hipler: A psychopathic fascist who thinks that people who don't use Instagram should be killed. They mostly post photos of so-called "awesome" things (i.e., fashionable armbands, cool facial hair, etc.).
- The Self-Proclaimed Model: A girl (usually a millennial or zoomer) who only posts pictures of themselves, preferably in low cut v-necks and bikinis. You may find that The Self-Proclaimed Model does not manifest on the "Popular Page", but they still plague your everyday life. The best way to escape this is to unfollow every single millennial or zoomer who owns a swimsuit or golden jewelry. (Side-note: Watching these idiots try to dance is often hilarious).
- The Photographer: An Instagrammer who believes they have actual talent. They constantly post pictures of landscapes and/or models that are very obviously edited, with some obscure quotes underneath. Some of these "photographers" don't own a camera and will instead use an iPhone G4. You may find people doting on their pictures with incessant comments and likes. These are the people whom may be referred to as 'Instafamous'.
- The '"Depressed" 14-year-old female teenager': That one girl who thinks depression is something to get attention and other stuff. To detect a depressed teenager, one must look for the following:
- They play Roblox. Their avatar contains a skeleton leg, a Robloxian 2.0 body, a smiley face, and "Aesthetic" clothing.
- Note that their avatar may also be a small-sized Robloxian 1.0, and their face may look like a rich one, which is tagged by "limited." They may also have a lover.
- They are VSCO girls. VSCO girls may make mating calls of "sksksksksksk" and those are not to be mettled with as you may end up mating with them and make their "depression" be passed on.
- To avoid this, simply pull out Anti-Cootie/Thot Spray and spray them with it. If you do not have this in possession, you can either say "Be gone thot" or simply don't say anything.
- VSCO Girls may also avoid plastic straws and use paper ones because "Save the turtles" is possible when in fact Nobody cares.
- They use other types of Social Media. They may consist of Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and other Social Media websites.
- The Creep is usually a 40-50 year old man who follows ladies, especially young teenagers and bothers them. You may notice that the Creep is often a father, which makes us wonder why he is such a creep. This man will comment on most of your pictures with creepy sayings, like "good afternoon ladies" or "hello young girl". These people will continue to bother until you are pushed to unfollow and block them.
- The Shoutout Page: Usually has 10 or less followers but is following 2,000 or more people. Their bios usually consist of something like "when i reach 400 followers ill start doing shoutouts" which may or may not possess you to follow them.
- The Ghost Follower: A user of little-to-no importance who may follow you. But the strange thing about this person is that after they follow you, you will never, ever, ever, ever, see them on Instagram again. This may cause you to worry that they are deceased, but that is unlikely. As Taylor Swift says, "This Ghost Follower, is never, ever, ever, getting back online".
- The Excessive Laugher: A user who vastly overuses the laughing-face. They are usually women, or camp men, and are very annoying. A typical Excessive Laugher sentence will look something like this: "LOL just having my dinner LOL lasagne LOL and chips LOL." There have been many cases of people grabbing the nearest sharp object and ramming it into their chests after reading such a sentence.
- The Hoarder: This user loves nothing better than to collect as many pictures as possible, and organize them into a fairly long list of catego -- oh wait, nevermind. That’s Pinterest. Never mind. These are absolute idiots that don't have a real computer to store photos on, so they send photos to this one-way service.
- The Spammer: A typical web user whose job is to mass-follow accounts after you follow certain things or like things, and also mass like and comment to get free Viagra and other fun things! Most of their images consist of half-naked women in low quality that they pretend to be, or have copied the same image over and over (usually related to the product they want to sell to you) saying 'GET FREE XXX 2 DAY!' - Spambots come in all different shapes, forms and flavors, and help you establish a hefty block list, and not much more.
Instagram terms[edit | edit source]
Some Instagram terms refer to certain types of people. Some of these are ghost followers, or the pilgramers. The pilgramers are hardcore Instagramers. Other terms are reserved for different days of the week. 'Selfie Sunday' is a reason for every narcisstic teenager to post duck face selfies all day. 'Throw Back Thursday' is possibly the most annoying. These pictures could range from 15 years ago to 3 weeks ago. Also, 'Flashback Friday' which is just another excuse to see how ugly, annoying, and weird everyone grew up to be unless of course your one of those people who posts a picture from a few days ago. In that case, you are still ugly, annoying, and weird. :]
There are many terms unique to Instagram, most stemming from the prefix 'insta' such as: instafamous, instagood, instapopular, etc.
