Google+

“Google+? You mean that failed social- *gunshot*”

~ Unknown Google+ critic

Our glorious lord and saviour, Google.

Google+, (also known as Google Plus) is a social media platform made by Google that is hugely successful. It is going to stand the test of time, just you wait. I mean, it was created by Google for fuck's sake. I mean, who was Facebook made by? Instagram? Twitter? All these huge social media platforms, and you probably couldn't name the parent company of a single one of them. Now try Google+. See how easy that was? That's why I predict that by 2019, Google+ is going to be the largest social media platform out there.

History

Initial Release

"What? I never said that" -Businessman

Google+ was released in 2011, and immediately saw huge critical success from your Grandma. Probably. You should really call her. You know what? Stop reading this right now and call your Grandma. This article isn't going anywhere. Unless the admins are back on their bullshit. Or maybe your Grandma is dead. Which would suck because you can't really call a dead person. So maybe call your Mom instead. Unless she's dead too. Sorry. Due to this initial success, most businessmen now agree that Google+ will take over every other social media in terms of userbase by 2018. While some critics of Google+ predicted the platform would fail, most of them changed their mind when their families were found dead in their homes with bullets to the back of the head.

The boom in users did not slow down after the initial release, being very popular amongst teens and also your Grandma (she really loves this Google+ thing. Have you seen how many followers she has?)

Meteoric rise

Jerry. Fuckin hate that guy.

Google+, in the years following, could only be described as an unstoppable juggernaut. Whenever you started a conversation with someone, the first thing they would ask is "Oh, how many Google plus followers do you have" and then when you'd tell them they would LAUGH and show you that THEY had MORE THAN YOU and you would feel BAD ABOUT YOURSELF and GODDAMMIT JERRY THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU. People would also share many of their images on Google+, and it was a very useful tool for connecting with family and friends. As long as you block Jerry because he WILL spam you and he WILL brag about his 1 million followers. We get it, Jerry, you're cool.

Oh god it just keeps rising

In hindsight, I could have titled this section better.

Make it stop

Selfie from a suspected lizard person. If you look closely, you might see the scales.

Surprisingly, Google+ just kept on growing. Experts are not really sure how it happened, but by 2020, the userbase grew to 10 billion people, exceeding the human population at the time. It is suspected that most of the accounts on Google+ at the time were either made by aliens or little lizard people. Evidence for this includes selfies posted by these suspected lizards and aliens. Experts believe that these creatures were simply fascinated by Google+ and its amazing UI and features.

War

You probably know all about this so I'm going to skip over this. I'm also being watched right now and the Googlement does not like people talking about the war too much.

World takeover in 2037

After the glorious Google+ Army slaughtered all the heretics in blazing glory, Google dismantled the world government and set up their own, calling it the Googlement. It is a great name. Google set up a worldwide surveillance system. The workers at google became known as the Googilans. They are exalted among society and cannot be criticized. The original users of Google+, before signup became mandatory in 2039 due to the Google+ information manipulation procedure act (GIMP), were rewarded with an exemption from receiving the otherwise mandatory Google brain implant. It is yet unknown what this implant does.

Public image and PR team

Nobody except for the Googilans truly know much about the trained hitmen working for Google+ to take out its critics, but it is clear its PR team takes itself seriously. Just like this article. Man, how did this become a shitty dystopian YA novelists idea sheet?