Hasan Piker
.jpg) | Hasan Piker is Un-American! This article has been marked Un-American by your friendly neighborhood congressman and his favorite president. Newt Gingrich would have been so proud! Death to the Woke Commies! Down with the Lamestream Media! How dare they stop us from spreading Democracy! |
Hasan "Hamas Guy" Piker (née Bogdan) (born July 25, 1991) is a Turkish-American "political influencer" and millionaire Communist most known for his boring Twitch streams, where he watches other people's content while he sits in a chair and does that retarded face thing he does. He is the archetype of the stereotypical liberal streamer from California. When he's not streaming one of those dumb physics based streamerbait slop games designed only for engagement, or watching a video someone worked hard on and saying "Uhuh", Hasan likes to lecture his audience of 10-year-olds about politics. When he's not talking about politics, he shocks his dog, Kaya, who he feeds "mystery meat" he procures from a Turksih brothel in East Berlin.
Hasan also instructs his "fans" to commit political assassinations and set themselves on fire, but to vote for Kamala Harris or Gavin Newsom before they do it.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Early life and education[edit | edit source]
Hasan Piker was born to the richest family in New Jersey, and if you sell Doner Kebab on the eastern seaboard you must pay them an annual licensing fee. His father is one of the top 10 richest men in Turkey, who made billions after opening up a Beard Oil Emporium right next to where they were filming Diriliş: Ertuğrul. His uncle is Cenk Uygur, also known as "The Ogre", founder of the Grey Wolves and The Young Turks, a political YouTube channel most known for their ardent support of Communist Bernie Sanders, and for making their employees pledge their undying loyalty to the ghost of Atatürk. Uygur (whose sister is heiress to the Swanson Family Fortune) was also a rich moneybag like Hasan, except even greasier and with several ingrown hairs on his back!
Cenk paid for Piker's education in Rutgers University, where he double majored in Political Science and Downplaying the Armenian Genocide, and he quickly became Vice President of The Young Turks after an exhaustive interview process, making sure to screen and assess every other candidate for the job, whose sole requirement is that you must be Cenk Uygur's nephew. He spent a few years making content for TYT, which mostly involved him saying socialist propaganda while wearing a fuckass denim jacket.
Streaming[edit | edit source]
Quickly growing tired of making videos supporting Bernie's proposal to kill all the billionaires and share their meat to solve world hunger, Hasan branched out on his own, starting a little Twitch channel. Other influencers, like Kyle "Kratom Krusher" Kulinski and Mossad superfan Destiny (A/K/A Steven Bergolli) had made millions stoking the political fervor of their disaffected audiences, and Hasan wanted to stake his own place within this niche, so that he can get lots of money and attention and sell lots of T-shirts with his stupid face on them.
His channel exploded after doing a livestream with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, in which they played Among Us, but in real life (sus, sus). This misguided attempt to reach the youth vote resulted in zero actual votes towards progressive candidates, and killed at least one pigeon, but Hasan gained hundreds of thousands of followers. Soon, he created a new streaming empire, tirelessly laboring much harder than any janitor or plumber or construction worker, spending hours everyday creating content where he sits in a chair and watches something he likes on YouTube, or plays Elden Ring or twiddles his thumbs, or sticks a booger up his nose. He often collaborated with female streamers, who find him attractive because he is tall and the alternative is Asmongold.
He was once friends with Ethan Klein of H3H3, but their professional relationship fell apart after Ethan and Sgt. Maj. Hila Klein were kidnapped by Hamas on October 7th, 2023, and rather than pay the requested ransom of $50, Hasan spent it on a new Funko Pop of himself.
Controversies[edit | edit source]
9/11-Gate[edit | edit source]
Following his surge in popularity, old clips of him saying, "America deserved 9/11" and pledging his eternal fealty to Al-Qaeda and ISIS simultaneously (even though they were and are in conflict), reëmerged. Hasan claimed the clips were taken out of context, and were a bit of hyperbole designed to make a cogent point about the blowbacks of American imperialism. Soon after, the full quote was released, which slightly dimmed Hasan Piker's reception among respectable liberals:
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Like, America totally deserved 9/11, fuck it, I'm saying it. I fucking hate America, and baseball, and babies, and nice autumn days, and curdoroy sweaters, and The Strokes, and freedom, and democracy, and apple pie. Fuck apple pie! Inshallah, we will see the day The Great Satan is vanquished. I pledge eternal fealty to Eternal Leader Khomeini! Wait, chat, OsamaFan3000 just gifted me 500 Tier-3 subs! Thanks, Osama! |
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— Actual authentic totally real Hasan Piker quote
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Hasan's 9/11 comments have continued to follow him years later. Andrew Cuomo, in a debate with Zohran "Hike Tax Rates by 5000% For All Income Earners" Mamdani, even demanded that Zohran denounce his best friend Hasan over his comments. Zohran later said that he has never heard of Hasan Piker, and believes 9/11 to be a terrible tragedy that nobody, except maybe Dick Cheney, deserved.
Collar-Gate[edit | edit source]
Misconceptions about Hasan Piker[edit | edit source]
- "Hasan Piker loves the United States!" This is untrue. He has stated that he never liked the United States, despite being born to a Turkish multibillionaire father. He has pledged undying allegiance to Russia, China, North Korea and basically any country that hates America. He would've moved to any country that hates the United States, but he didn't do so.
- "Hasan Piker never used a shock collar." This one is also untrue. Apparently, he also abused another dog named Fish which he used to have and threatened to kill that dog. He also used a shock collar on Kaya. He even has electric powers for some reason and uses it on dogs. Maybe it would've been a different story if he owned a cat or any other pet.
- "Hasan Piker is NOT a terrorist sympathizer." If you haven't seen the beginning of the article, he has a nickname. The first name "Hasan" and the terrorist group Hamas can be mixed up, so this means that he actually supports Hamas. Not only that, but he also supports Houthis, which is another nickname for him.
- "Hasan Piker actually has fans." Well, this one is kinda true, but most of the time it's other Twitch streamers that will praise him and will do anything for him. If you are a Twitch streamer that doesn't like him, he will ignore you. The streamers in question are Frogan, Denims, Jellywig, and anyone part of the California Twitch Streamer League. Also, iDubbbz claims to like Piker, but Piker really doesn't like iDubbbz. Maybe.
