Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
¡ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ! | |
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| 1,917th Representative of the 14th District of New York and also at one point a bartender | |
| Assumed office October 25th, 1917 | |
| Preceded by | probably a racist asshole |
| Succeeded by | probably another racist asshole |
| Personal details | |
| Born |
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| Political party | Communist Party of the United States |
| Alma mater | Local bar in the Bronx |
| Nickname(s) | AOC, The Bitch (Also shares that nickname with Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Watters, Elizabeth Warren, and Kamala Harris) |
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (better known by her stage name AOC (pronounced "Ai-yock")) is a Russian Communist bartender sent to the U.S. House of Representatives by the Puerto Rican KGB coming to confiscate everybody's cows and guns under the codename "Green New Deal". After beating the incumbent representative of New York's 14th District Jim Crowley, she wasted no time before she started annoying the hell out of other congressmenPERSONS (don't be sexist) what with her fantastic policy proposals. She is also known for obliterating the shit out of the Nazi fascist CEOs of Nazi fascist corporations who do racist and sexist things that are harmful to the environment. The Republicans also act like they hate her and all, but it's obvious they have a secret crush on her tits.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was the love child of Fidel Castro, Che Guevara and Hugo Chavez. She was raised in the most diverse and environmentally-friendly neighborhood in New York before it was blown up by a nearby coal power plant that was propped up by corrupt establishment Democrats funded by ExxonMobil. After she graduated from university, she got a master's degree in bartendery and became a bartender at Starbucks until she got pissed off by evil fascist Nazi orange-supremacist Overlord Un-President Donald Trump.
Political positions[edit | edit source]
AOC supports free healthcare, free college, free education, free food, free housing, free money, free sex and the genocide of unborn children. In order to pay for all this, she wants to tax the hell out of any form of transportation, that is except for the horse and buggy (but without the horse because that would be animal abuse), the bicycle (but without any of the metals or petroleum-based lubricants that would require any form of emissions during its extraction and processing because that would cause entire cities to sink into the seas), and the unicycle (but with handle bars and training wheels so the rider doesn't fall over onto an oppressed minority). She also thinks Donald Trump is an asshole for giving her a Dirty Sanchez.
THE SQUAD[edit | edit source]
AOC is a member of THE SQUAD, an organization of heroic Muslim congresswomen committed to search and destroy all billionaires while refusing to go back to the shithole countries they illegally came from just to piss off patriotic white people. Her comrades-in-arms are Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar, two superheroes sent by their creator Allah to free the Palestinians from the Super Evil Terribly Awful No Good Very Bad Jewish Apartheid State of Israel and their crime minister Benjamin Naziyahu. As long as these women are in their congressional seats, all those damned racists, homophobes, and Islamophobes better watch out before they say racial slurs or else they will earn themselves one-way trips to the hospital with universal healthcare after they face the wrath of... THE SQUAD.
Death[edit | edit source]
AOC was assassinated on January 6, 2021 by a Mysoginist Racist Conservative who slapped her in the face before shooting her to death, right after she called them racist slurs and smeared the living shit out of the President's swastika and torture pen.
After she was slain, her body parts were spread over the front lawn of the house of the late psychopathic far-left billionaire and the nearest hospital is about 15 minutes away.
Her killer is still on the run, but rumor has it that it might have been you, the person reading this article. Even though we at Uncyclopedia happen to make fun of you, you probably still might've went too far with this one. Sure, she might have been annoying, but you could've just waited for New York's 14th district to vote her out for, well IDK, probably another Racist Asshole.