Fuck Around and Find Out
“Frankly, my dear, fuck around and find out.”
– Clark Gable on Fuck Around and Find Out
“I think Out can watch himself for a while. Now, where's this Around guy?”
Fuck Around and Find Out, often abbreviated to FAFO, is a philosophy often used by parents, teachers and scholars worldwide to explain why a person may suddenly find out they have a boot solidly lodged 14 inches into their rectum. It is mainly used on children whose sense of entitlement and petulance has reached a breaking point and their parents feel that talking won't work and grounding will make fuck all of a difference. The kid fucked around, the kid then found out. They didn't quite realize they were finding out right away because before awareness of said boot up their ass sent in, their head was being whacked so hard by rolled up newspaper their brain shifted and the boot in anus processed 0.5 seconds later. Eventually they all find out, even if it is delayed by a minor concussion.
History
The phrase was coined by Greek[1] philosopher Consequencesopolus whilst he was drinking whine, eating grapes and chatting with philosophers, learned men, aristocrats and parasites in a conversation that ranged from the meaning of the state, whether women's asses or pre-pubescent boys asses were more beautiful, how we can know what we can know and what to do when snivelling little shit sons fuck around. In ancient Greek society, finding out was a little more severe than a bop on the head but could include being sold into slavery to the Barbarians in Persia, a lesson that would certainly make an impact. The Greeks didn't fuck around, with those who fucked around. Finding out really meant finding out.
Not just for children
Badly trained soldiers in Midaevil Europe also fucked around in innapropriate ways. "I wonder what would happen if we launch ourselves off this catapult into those pointy bushes". They found out soon it involves pulling quills out of each others skin, eyeballs and testicles.
English king Harold II taunted French[2] soldiers at the Battle of Hastings, immediately before, and for a few seconds after getting shot in the eye. Whilst the French are very quick to surrender, overly pugnacious English Kings will find out, after pointless childish taunting, that vital sensory organs can be taken away. Harold II had a few seconds to reflect on that life lesson before he bled to death whilst underpaid soldiers stole his armour, jewelry and functional teeth.
Common misconceptions
FAFO is commonly mistaken for "Fuck a Round and Find Out" where one engages in sexual intercourse without projection with a slaggy partner a little too quick to open up their legs. The finding out part is a visit to the sexual health clinic, pissing out blood for a few weeks, green puss oozing out of one's nether regions and a lifetime of crippling childsupport payments. Interestingly that doesn't seem to stop the most diehard from fucking around again, even whilst their pussy balls or vaginas are itching like mad.
Notable uses
The act of Fucking Around and Finding out has been committed throughout history in several famous areas. The following is a transcript between J. Bruce Ismay and Captain E. J. Smith, aboard the Titanic on the night of April 14, 1912, in which Bruce committed an act of Fuck Around and Find Out:
This also shows that most British people are either extremely old or can't see worth enough shit to notice how old they look to each other. The sinking of the Titanic was widely blamed on the fact that people in the 1910's could only see in black and white, and thus caused outrage in the United States to create a coloured camera. This invention was only created in the 1970's when the first coloured camera was made.
Gouverneur Morris was an avid practicer of FAFO, as shown by this entry in his wife's diary:
“And af he found the whalebone, he doth ftated: 'Boy, I wonder what would happen...' before fhoving it up hif dickhole and dying.”
– Ann Cary "Nancy" Randolph, 1816
Oscar Wilde also practiced, but no quotes on the matter exist that do not violate roughly 143 federal laws in the United States, Great Britain, or the Vatican.
FAFO today
With the rise of Gen Alpha, FAFO has seen a sharp rise in popularity. Eating Tide Pods and consuming large amounts of Benadryl can result in a deadly level of FAFO. This is exacerbated by the loss of common sense worldwide, beginning around 14.5 billion years ago. One thing that hasn't changed is the severity to which Scottish grandmothers will have their misbehaving grandchildren "find out" after a bit of sass. Even the most feeble and weak grandmothers using a walker are able to lift their fucking around grandchildren off the floors by their ears, whack them against the wall a few times and confiscate their mobiles, consoles and scooters, never to be returned. Literally the worst thing any human can do is, not actually the act of walking through a minefield, volunteering in a Jihad with the Taliban and drinking concentrated cyanide, it is fucking about with a Scottish grandmother.
FAFO Hall of Fame
The International Association of Fuck Around and Find Out (IAOFAFO) is the premier association of organized FAFO, and awards important people to the founding of the practice, as well as people who have done something fucked up enough, a spot in the FAFO Hall of Fame. Notable members include;
- Doesitlooklikeigiveafuckēs, for being a founding member of IAOFAFO
- Consequencesopolus, for coining the term
- Unknown Turtle-head Guy, for Earliest example of FAFO
See also
Notes
