David Attenborough
And here, slowly, we see, the rare, shrew-like, lesser-spotted David Attenborough crouching, defecating, in the light, deciduous, woodlands, of the lower slopes, of the Netherlands Antilles. This, elusive, creature, of the Homo genus, of which this, of the homo sapiens species, is, one of only, 3, or 4, or perhaps even 5, remaining, in the wild. Here, in the St. Eustasius wildlife reserve, game, wardens, have sucessfully bred, two, of these highly, telegenic, animals. This, is a fine, example, dressed here in its usual, summertime, plumage, of beige and blue, commonly known, as, The Englishman Abroad. Its brother, the shy, retiring, Dickie, or Richard, as he is known, to, the keepers, is, currently, in season, and, is mounting me, as, we speak. He claims to have been the person who discovered Susan Boyle while filming an animal reality TV show in Blackburn, Scotland. He thought she was a bear. We do not know his age as people gave up on counting many years ago.
Seasonal Behaviour[edit | edit source]
During, the mating, season, David, either, leans, on his hand, or, poses, thoughtfully,often wearing stupidly short shorts, looking at, an animal, while, gently whispering, into, its ear. Attenborough, is, one of the most, famous, animals, on television, today, being almost, perpetually followed, by, a film crew, while, he slowly whispers, his mating call, to the creatures, of, the forest. During, the winter, David migrates, to, the suburbs, of, major world cities, feeding, and indeed, foraging, on the remains, of upper-class families'.
Appearance=[edit | edit source]
David, can be, spotted, by his, characteristic, flaps of skin, around, the neck, which give, the appearance, of, a shirt collar. Typically, this, flap of skin, will, be loose, exposing, the grey-haired, sweaty chest, beneath. Attenborough can, often, be seen, crawling through, dense vegetation, watching, other animals, and whispering, intently, often, mimicking the noises of rich, British tourists, which, he often hears.
Most notably, David consistantly wears, the same cream trousers, blue short-sleeved shirt, and brown loafers, despite, climate, weather, or humidity.
Filmography[edit | edit source]
David, has, during his, illustrious screen career, appeared, on the following, feature, films:
- 1962 - The Beast who speaks like a Gentlemen
- 1968 - Animals who watch other animals and talk about them
- 1981 - Elderly animals
- 1992 - Croquet in the Jungle
- 1993 - Jurassic Park as 'George "Organ" Hammond'
- 1998 - The Secret life of Upper-Class British Whispering Animals
- 2002 - The Sexy Lives of Mammals
- 2007 - Planet Mirth
- 2012 - Watching Teenage Girls While Whispering About Their Behaviour
David, as honourary, head, of, the BBC, wildlife films, department, even, at one time, produced, his own, programme, "The Old, Grey, Whistle, Test", featuring, his whispering, friend, Bob, Whispering Bob, Harris, a crazed, bucktoothed, hairy, creature, from the depths, of the Amazon Rainforest.
Common Knowledge[edit | edit source]
It is widely known, that the duck-billed platypus, has a large, grudge against Sir Lord David, Attenborough CBE OBE GCMG, due to the fact, that the, animal, is the, only, animal to not be followed by the whispers, of, David.