UnNews:David Pecker picked a pic of Bezos's pecker

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Saturday, February 9, 2019

NSFW!

UNITED STATES -- Thursday night, the news broke that National Enquirer publisher and former Donald Trump ally David Pecker (hee-hee) was planning to blackmail Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos with pictures of the retail giant's own pecker. That's right, a guy named Pecker wants to expose Jeff Bezos's John Dingell for the whole world to see.

But that's not all. Even though Pecker (I'm sorry, I can't do this) already sold out Trump (whose last name means "fart" in English slang) on his crimes and porn star Stormy Daniels hush money scandal, Pecker contacted Carter Page and the recently-arrested Roger Stone. Even Trump himself is involved in the scandal, in spite of all this, possibly due to an alliance with Saudi Arabia, a country that is quite known for its snakes.

Bezos, who wrote a Medium op-ed exposing Pecker's plan to expose Bezos's pecker, has a theory about how Pecker acquired the pecker picture picks. "Mr. Bezos believes his phone was illegally hacked by the NSA," Washington Post writer Manuel Roig-Franzia said when he appeared as a guest on MSNBC Thursday night.

It is illegal for the NSA to wiretap a phone, unless the target is an illegal foreign agent or a terrorist or something of that nature. It should never be done for payback or revenge. But then again. you have to remember who's "President" right now.

We'll have more on this story as it hardens. But one question remains...

If David Pecker picked a pic of Bezos's pecker, where's the pic of Bezos's pecker David Pecker picked?

Sources

See also

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