Colloquialism
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Colloquialism is a major world religion that originated in the Empire of Antarctica at the turn of the 15th century. Colloquialists follow the belief that eatingware is sacred, and carry a dish or piece of silverware on their persons at all times. Currently, about 38 percent of the world's population recognize themselves as Colloquialists.
History[edit | edit source]
In 1417, Batman (a.k.a. "George Orwell") invented electricity. Amazed with this invention, he toured the globe, spreading electricity to the world, from the bureaucrats of Africa to the poor villagers of London. His last stop was the Empire of Antarctica, where the people had been living under the harsh rule of King Jobs XVIII for five decades. He quickly overthrew the evil king with his electric scissors, and spread the joy of electricity to the people of the kingdom.
Soon, the Antarcticans praised Batman as a god, and in worship, laid piles of silverware and platters in front of his door each morning. In a heartwarming action that to this day amazes lawyers everywhere, he redistributed the eatingware to each household. When the Antarcticans opened their doors the next day and found new eatingware touched by their god, they praised it as holy, and thus the religion was born. Today, Colloquialists and many others celebrate this day as St. Patrick's Day.
Practices and Beliefs[edit | edit source]
Colloquialists, as their name implies, always carry a piece of eatingware on their persons, so as to always be in touch with Batman. The religion also forbids contact with any plant product, though this belief was abolished in the Great War of Montana. Prayers are to be conducted in the fourteenth minute of every hour.
Colloquialists believe that there is only one God, and that is Batman. They believe that by having a piece of eatingware close by, they are in touch with Batman, and can ascend to a higher plane of being. Batman is said to visit every Colloqiualist each third Thursday of every month, and designate a piece of silverware in the household as holy. For the next month, the Colloquialist family will worship the silverware, washing it daily and kissing it twice before leaving the house. Colloquialists pray by holding up their dish or piece of silverware, and screaming their prayers at the nearest edible object.
Criticism[edit | edit source]
Many theologists believe Colloquialism to be an ancient, outdated religion, despite its large base of followers. Some critics of the religion, such as Jesus, claim that it's a ridiculous belief, with no factual base or support past pure faith. Others believe that worshipping the stuff you eat with and on is just plain weird. Many third-world nations, such as London, have no clue what the religion is, since the concept of eating food without using your bare hands is completely alien to them.