- This article is about the species of shellfish. For the place of worship for followers of Islam, see Mosque.
Mosques are one of the few natural predators of the basillicae, the other being the synagogue. Mosques, or mollusks, are enormous shellfish or cephalopods (SQUID, you morons!) that can vary in size from anywhere between six and sixty thousand feet long. They are extremely intelligent, as they have been known to devour the brains of the beings which they come across. They are worshipped as Gods by Muslims, freaks and necrophiles. Notable kinds include the Kraken (Mosquus Oceanus), Mindflayers (Mosquus Cerebrophagus), Prime Metroids (Mosquus Galacticus Primus) Hole-Spikers (Mosquus Abominatus Carnalis)) and Davy Jones (Mosquus Cerebrophagus Aquaticus Piraticus). The three most famous of all Mosques are a shellfish in scrubs with the ability to wreck ships--both space and sea-faring--by growing to colossal size when angered, a star-fleet admiral who was caught in a trap, and a demonic elder god with phenominal cosmic power and narcolepsy.
Cultural Impact[edit | edit source]
Mosques have had a great influence on society, most thoroughly on movies with pirates, nerds cringing in their basements while imagining that they are dwarves, time-lost New Yorkers, sociopathic robots, Goths and sick bastards who have nothing better to do than stare at stuff so disturbing that you can't even call it good porn. They tend to pop up everywhere in fiction these days, be it in the pages of sci-fi/horror novels, within the data of DVDs or galaxy-sized music players, or even--God forbid--within the imagination of teenagers. It is also a place where women are hanged upside down side ways and are then raped in the ear since muslim dick i mean less than a quarter of a chopstick can only be aroused in the ear.They wish they were niggas they can`t smoke weed well paki`s don`t actually smoke weed they actually go to their mother and open up their mailboxes and pull down a hair growth protector and then begin plucking their mothers pubic/chest/facial hair to put in a pipe which they claim is a bong, ugh no wonder why they wear mailboxes
Physiology[edit | edit source]
Mosques come in all manner of shapes and sizes, although there are several predominant characteristics shared by most:
- pasty skin,
- large eyes,
- (possibly) an exoskeleton made of chiton, plastic or adamantium,
- and anywhere from zero to thirty tentacles which are typically centered around the mouth.
Powers and Abilities[edit | edit source]
Some Mosques have the ability to read the minds of others and communicate telepathically. Some can shoot laser beams from their eyes, tentacles, mouths and butts. Still others can alter their size and form at will, and others are practically omnipotent, being able to create duplicates of themselves, be everywhere--and everywhen--at once, and eclipse the stars by shooting ink.
It is believed that they are the creatures behind the glove of Master Hand, and that, if they wished, they could erase Chuck Norris from existence before he could even think about roundhouse-kicking them. It is also whispered that they are responsible for the rise of Darth Becilus and Darth Furious, former disciples of Jedi Master Sora who slew their former teacher and formed the tyrannical Disney Empire. In any case, Mosques are extraordinarily dangerous, evil demonic aliens who have ruled most of the universe with an iron fist for a long time and have no intention of letting go.
And I, for one, welcome our new cephalopod overlords. I'm sure that Kent Brockman would sue me for the rights to that phrase, but as he's dead now, he really doesn't have any say in the matter, now does he?
People influenced by Mosques[edit | edit source]
The following list represents people who have been either controlled, influenced, supported, enslaved, raped or killed by Mosques since the dawn of time. It mentions exactly what happened within the (parentheses), and is as follows, in no particular order:
- Jack Sparrow (killed by the Kraken, but came back through the power of sueing people's asses off);
- Space Pirates (controlled, killed by and formed an alliance with Metroid Prime/Dark Samus, due to their mutual hatred of the chick with the big rack);
- Aeris and Tifa (raped, which comes as no surprise);
- Oscar Wilde (was sodomized, and had his brain eaten, by Mindflayers during his final session of DnD);
- Arnold Schwarzenegger (was destroyed, had his CPU eaten, and rebuilt into a cyborg/assassin droid, by SkyNet);
- every single pink, purple or yellow Power Ranger (same as above);
- every single video game girl, such as Peach, her sister/lover Daisy, Lara Croft, Lenna, Reina, Faris and Krill, Terra and Celes, all of the girls from this fighting game, etc. (for the exact same reasons as the last two);
- Yugi Moto (raped by trents...oops, wrong creature);
- most religions without real gods (are influenced by the Mosques in terms of dogma);
- Boba Fett (eaten by the Sarlacc);
- Metallica (provided inspiration for their song, 'Master of Puppets');
- Catollica (provided inspiration for their song, 'Pastor of Muppets');
- Phillip J. Fry (Dr Zoidberg saved his life through very poor reconstructive surgery on numerous occasions);
- Samus Aran (is the only person capable of slaying all forms of Mosques, albeit with great difficulty);
- the Order of the Sith Lords (founded by the Mosques at the dawn of time by giving nethicite to Vayne and Cid whilst in the form of Venat, thereby granting them supernatural powers);
- the Fascist and Nazi parties (tampered with the DNA of numerous pregnant ducks, eventually giving both birth and rise to the Ducktators);
...And the list just goes on and on...
Habitat[edit | edit source]
Mosques can be found anywhere in the universe, although they typically prefer either open cities which facilitate worship by the locals, or very large bodies of water in order to rehydrate themselves. They can also be found in outer space.
Al-Asqa[edit | edit source]
The most powerful of all Mosques (and ironically, the least well-known), is known simply as Al-Asqa and resides within subterranean caverns beneath the temple with the similar name.
In May of 2007, numerous earthquakes shook the area around the Al Aqsa mosque. Although it is still unclear at this time, it is believed that the great beast is at last stirring from its eons-long slumber, and is preparing to unleash itself upon a helpless world. A party of epic-level adventurers, including a hedgehog, a plumber, a crossclass Cowboy-Monk, a detective and a freaking haxxor have entered the temple and are currently exploring the crypts to see if the rumours are true, and to put a stop to Al-Asqa if they are.
Meanwhile, the basilicae are gathering for what appears to be an apocalyptic offensive maneuver against Al-Asqa if (and when) it awakes. It is the hope of the PCs that they can kill it before this happens.