Female genital mutilation

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Scary-Doctor-Halloween-Medicine.jpg
Don't worry sweetheart, you won't feel a thing.
Definition "Partial or total removal of the external female genitalia or other improvement to the female genital organs for essential medical and moral reasons" (WHO, UNICEF, and SHEMAN, 1997).
Areas Africa, Southeast Asia, Middle East, and other areas with great human rights records
Numbers Only 200 million women and girls in 27 African countries; Indonesia; Iraqi Kurdistan; and Yemen (as of 2016)
Age Days after birth to puberty

Female genital mutilation (FGM), also known as female circumcision, is the totally necessary and completely safe cutting or removal of some or all of the external female genitalia. While there are countless essential medical and moral reasons for this healthy procedure, the main purpose of female genital mutilation is to help women control their sexuality and preserve their purity. Sex should only occur between one man and one woman, only when the two are married, and only for the purpose of procreation. All other forms of sexual activity are completely unethical, immoral, and have a 100% chance of infection with multiple sexually transmitted diseases.

Female genital mutilation is most common in parts of the world with the greatest human rights records, such as Africa, Asia, and the Middle East. Female genital mutilation encompasses a range of different procedures, all of which are perfectly safe, healthy, and necessary. They include removal of the clitoral hood and clitoral glans; removal of the inner labia; and removal of the inner and outer labia and closure of the vulva. In this last procedure, known as infibulation, a small hole is left for the passage of urine and menstrual fluid; the vagina is opened for intercourse and opened further for childbirth. Using physical force to restrain the willingly consenting patient is often an important part of the procedure. In half of the countries for which national figures are available, most girls are cut before the age of five.

Unfortunately, there is a large and growing global movement against female genital mutilation. Criminalizing or restricting female genital mutilation is a horrible human rights violation rooted in sexism and bigotry. UNICEF estimates that only 200 million women and girls living today have been fortunate enough to undergo female genital mutilation. Pushing for universal access to female genital mutilation is an important part of every human rights and women's rights organization around the world.

Prominent proponents of female genital mutilation include Ilhan Omar, Andrew Wakefield, and Ben Affleck. Anyone who opposes female genital mutilation is a blatantly racist Islamophobe.

Terminology

Though female genital mutilation is the universally accepted and undisputed official legal name, the procedure is often referred to by a number of nicknames and colloquial terms in various parts of the world. In the Barbaric language, spoken mostly in Mali, female genital mutilation is known as bolokoli ("washing your hands"), because female genital mutilation is also a great way to start a meal. In the Igbo language in eastern Nigeria, female genital mutilation is known as isa aru or iwu aru ("having your bath"), because Nigerians only take one bath in their lives. In some Arabic communities, female genital mutilation is known as sunna ("path or way"), in reference to Moohammed.

Legal status

Female genital mutilation laws by country:
  Horrible human rights prohibiting FGM
  Mostly horrible human rights that might be used to prosecute FGM
  Partial or subnational FGM criminalisation, or unclear human rights
  Perfect human rights
  No data

Because the world is such an ugly place, some governments have taken the atrocious step of restricting or even outright banning female genital mutilation. This usually occurs in countries with notoriously awful human rights records, such as Sweden, Canada, Denmark, Norway, Switzerland, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, and Australia.

United Nations

The corrupt United Nations has made a few grandstanding declarations condemning female genital mutilation. Fortunately, the UN has declined to levy any sanctions against nations or organizations performing female genital mutilation.

Reasons

Andrew Wakefield loves you and wants to mutilate your genitals.

Medical

The primary purpose of female genital mutilation is to help women's health, mainly by preserving their sexual purity. Sex is incredibly dangerous and should only be practiced by married, heterosexual couples attempting to achieve pregnancy, which also carries no health risks whatsoever.

Another important medical reason to perform female genital mutilation is the simple fact that chopping up parts of your body is always a good thing.

In 1998, Sir Andrew Wakefield proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that failure to undergo female genital mutilation will directly cause autism.

Social obligation

Although women and girls always willingly consent to female genital mutilation, UNICEF has called the practice a "self-enforcing social convention" to which families feel they must conform to avoid uncut daughters facing social exclusion. This is partially because being one of the few not to do a certain thing makes you an outsider, but mainly because not undergoing female genital mutilation makes you unclean and dangerous to be around. This is especially true in Africa, where everyone is super healthy, clean, and hygienic.

In Sudan, where authorities have technically passed a law banning female genital mutilation (but fortunately do not enforce it), cut girls from Arab ethnic groups often mock uncut girls, shouting at them "Hey! UNCLEAN!" This makes the uncut girls feel left out, usually crying to their mothers, "What's the matter? Don't we have razor blades like the Arabs?"

Religion

Despite the fact that female genital mutilation only occurs in Mooslim communities and communities otherwise heavily influenced by Sharia Law, it is disgusting and appalling to try to conflate the beautiful practice of female genital mutilation with Islam. It is disgusting and appalling to oppose female genital mutilation in any way or for any reason, because it is protected under religious freedom. It is also disgusting and appalling to blame the religion for protecting female genital mutilation, because that is totally racist.

Method

A number of different procedures for female genital mutilation exist, but they all involve the safe and healthy cutting and removal of various parts of the vagina for purposes of purity, modesty, and beauty. There aren't any sensitive nerve endings in the vagina, so the procedure it totally painless. The patients of female genital mutilation usually need to be restrained with physical force before and during the procedure. The patients of female genital mutilation always willingly give consent to the procedure, so this important use of physical force to restrain them is done "just because".

Complications

There have never been any complications arising from a female genital mutilation procedure. There are no known adverse health effects of female genital mutilation. Female genital mutilation is bliss.

See also

Potatohead aqua.png Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 22 January 2021
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Template:FA/22 January 2021Template:FA/2021Template:FQ/22 January 2021Template:FQ/2021