|“||يمكنك حفظ عذرك في سبيل الله!||”|
"Mutaween", more popularly known as نائب مكة "Mecca Vice", is a Saudi Arabian "Religious Police" television show based on the 'infidel' 1980s American TV series, "Miami Vice". Already running its 8th season, in under one year the program has taken the desert kingdom by storm, becoming the most popular Saudi TV show in Islamic history.
Advertising on the series is considered highly lucrative with a long list of 'Halal' advertisers waiting for the "Perrier Halal Mineral Water" campaign to end. Negotiations for American programming are also under way; and it is rumored that FOX TV executives have agreed to 'allow the terrorists to succeed' in upcoming Season Nine of the fantasy program, "24", in order to secure the "Mecca Vice"' American broadcasting rights.
Knock-off of Miami Vice
The most notable difference between the Saudi version and its American counter-part is in the production. In the American series they were just acting. But in Mecca Vice they film live in real-time as they bust and murder possibly innocent sinners.
- Sin not drugs. -- On Miami Vice the crime was always “drug dealing”, but on Mecca Vice the crime is always “sinning” (which excludes drug dealing). On both shows these are considered “vice”, so in that respect they may be comparable.
- Daily, not weekly.
- Live action and real killing, not acting.
- Real “Mutaween” and genuine sinners, not actors.
- English subtitles, not Arabic subtitles.
- Blue-ringed octopus, not alligator.
- Rolls Royce, not Ferrari.
- Sword, not gun.
- Muslim, not infidel.
- Desert, not beach.
- Sharia law, not International.
Mecca Vice stars two 'cool' undercover Mutaween, named Ali (nicknamed: Tubbs) and Farook (nicknamed: Crockett) extremely sexy, handsome, well dressed, stylish, cruel, sadistic, homicidal, pious and religious, who live on a speedboat dry-docked in the desert and keep a pet Blue-ringed octopus named Jihad.
The primary plot has the heroes setting up and arresting the wicked sinners, then torturing and killing them in various barbaric manners -- but you never really know if it's for real or not. Highlights of the show often include live beheading and limb severing with instant reply. The plot always revolves around a “sting operation”, where they offer “sins” to potential “sinners” – then bust the sucker for taking the bait. They always kill some one by the end of the program, every day. Reality TV at its finest.
In many episodes the heroes, “Tubbs” (Ali) and “Crockett” (Farook), have been praised for their heroic crusade against vices in Saudi Arabia. Highlights of some of the most popular shows include:
- One man's death from a heart attack that occurred while he was being boiled in oil. He was arrested and condemned for speaking with an unmarried person on a cell-phone.
- One of the heroes, Farook, burned a young Saudi woman to death who had converted to Christianity (his own daughter, but he has more of the Allah-forsaken creatures).
- A young Lebanese man arrested and executed by being stomped by an elephant for possession of illegal and immoral Tarot Cards.
- Forcing 49 year old visiting Nigerian senator, Ahmad Yerima, to deny that his "child" bride is 13 years old.
- Gouging-out the eyes of a sinner accused 3rd hand to have been doing business during "prayer time".
- Busting and executing a Jesse Jackson look-alike for excessive bitching in non-Arabic.
- Capturing and organizing the public stoning of a hooker accused by tradition of full-facial nudity.
- Tricking and be-handing a money-lender for charging interest of 0.01% per annum.
- Arresting and be-heading a person a named Joseph for claiming to be God, the father of Jesus.
- Setting up a "sting" operation resulting in the arrest and the re-crucifixion of Jesus for propounding blasphemes and claiming to be related to God paternally.
Impact on style
The two protagonists, Ali and Farook, played by themselves, dress pretty much like every other Saudi Arab, in white, but for the show they have also been dressed in pastel and tan colors. This has caused an outcry from conservative Clerics who are opposed to change after 1400 years. But in spite of conservative opinion many cool wannabes have also adopted pastel thawbs (robes), and other fashion accessories used in Mecca Vice, in daily Saudi life. Keeping Muslim Blue-ringed octopuses as pets has also become so fashionable in Saudi Arabia that there are no more victims of terrorism on the beaches of Australia.
“Holy Christ! Can you imagine on American television live 'beheading' and 'limb severing' with rewind and instant replay!?”
The show's Saudi producers are arranging broadcasting rights in other Arab countries. The current series also has English sub-titles and negotiations are under way with FOX TV for American distribution. USA Distribution will have limited advertising rights confined only to Halal products and Al-Qaeda public service announcements.
- Ali and Farook both play each other.
- Mecca Vice is "reality TV" -- literally.
- Perrier Halal Mineral Water sells for 799.99 Riyal (US$213) per bottle in Saudi Arabia since advertising on Mecca Vice.
- Popular pets, Blue-ringed octopuses, are the only known devout Muslim sub-human species.
- The popularity index of the already popular Mutaween has increased 740% since Mecca Vice, season one.
- TMZ Magazine, April Fool's Day 2010, page 34