Pillow suffocation
What it is[edit | edit source]
OMFG I've got to yell about my issues with this article in rage filled vandalism rather than contributing to making the article better in question!!!
Pillow Suffocation is when you take a pillow, and essentially shove it in another person's face, such that they risk suffocation, while yelling "PILLOW SUFFOCATION!!!". This is an assassination technique that has been passed down for generations. However it can only truly be performed by yelling "PILLOW SUFFOCATION!!!" at the top of your lungs, whilst pillow suffocating your victim. This added aspect to the technique was implemented by the FBI, so that anyone nearby would hear that such a silent act was being performed, and would know to rescue whoever was being pillow suffocated. It was designed specifically to reduce serial killings mostly involving pillow-related suffocations.
Continuing History[edit | edit source]
Decades later, when the FBI had let its guard down on this issue, some of the largest mafia gangs in America (that I completely forgot the names of) began employing midgets to perform the silent and deadly assassinations. The theory behind this was that midget's lungs were too damn small for anyone to actually hear them yelling "PILLOW SUFFOCATION!!!" at the top of their lungs. In any case, it was also scientifically proven that dwarfs were too loud when yelling at the top of their lungs. Such highly useful information could be utilized in future studies. One of the mafias back then, when questioned on why they'd virtually crapped all over their city, responded with "Hey, we made the scientific discovery on further differentiation between dwarfs and midjets, man!" The journalist in question was then so taken aback with such a powerful arguing statement that he could only thank the crime leader for his time and leave.
Variations on Dwarfs and Midgets[edit | edit source]
Other differentiations between dwarfs and midjets include the fact that a dwarf is capable of aiding a midjet by reaching the first shelf in the store aisle for them. Indeed, each has it's advantages. Further studies obviously need to be made, however.
Other Occurrences[edit | edit source]
Other reports of pillow suffocation have many-a-time occurred in babies. This inspires theories on whether or not many babies are suicidal. Many marketers feel forced to arguably agree that this might just be the leading cause in the development of anti-depressants for babies. http://www.infoniac.com/health-fitness/doctors-prescribe-antidepressants-babies.html