Antichrist
“I will get you freak!”
“Is it true he is bisexual?”
“I sure hope so...”
“I am The Antichrist! It's what I was meant to be!”
“Did someone say my name?”
It is a basic idea in quantum physics that for every particle there is an anti particle of equal mass but opposite charge. This applies to the religious world as well. The Antichrist, Ayn Rand, is the negatively charged component of the normally positively charged Christ. Long theorized since the time of early Christianity, the Antichrist was only theoretical in nature and to date, has not been confirmed in the real world a second time. This pairing is quite rare and has likely only occurred once, around AD 0. Scientists are currently trying to find the Antichrist with the help of the Large Hadron Collider, despite warnings from Christian leaders about risks of a catastrophic event.
History[edit | edit source]
Theologians have long hypothesized about the existence of an Antichrist, but for great many centuries, the building of prophet accelerators to break down prophets into their components have been beyond their technology. The fact that Christ was annihilated on contact with the Antichrist and left no physical remains on Earth has also been an issue.
In AD 33, Antichrist, Ayn Rand, touched Christ and both were annihilated in a flash of energy. However, Pontius Pilate needed a satisfactory explanation on his weekly report to the Roman Governor, so he just wrote "Crucifixion" on the death certificate. This is also why Jesus did not have a physical corpse in his tomb. His body was transformed into pure energy during annihilation, though some disbelievers still continue their futile search for a body.
Physics of the Antichrist[edit | edit source]
It is nearly identical to that of the normal Christ except that he is negatively charged rather than positive. With the addition of anti-disciples, he can create an Anti-Christianity, Barack Obamaism, that operates more or less the same as our Christianity but with every day as opposite day. The Antichrist does what Christ does but opposite too. He goes around infecting lepers, blinding people, swimming on solid land, merging multiple fish into one, taking bread and fish away from hungry peasants, turning alcohol into water at local house parties and cursing on children's' television programs.
Particle physics of the Antichrist[edit | edit source]
What is little known about the giant particle accelerator, switched on September 10, is apart from the ludicrous 10 billion squids spent, is Jesus at the behest of God has intervened in the process of mankind's understanding of the universe by suggesting that the Anti-Christ can be dragged out of oblivion somewhere out there and provide more sex, debauchery, drink, drugs, war, and God knows what else he started on this planet and thus disguising the truth that Jesus is both matter and anti-matter and, if the people of this world realised this would subsequently explode, is that the joyriders who have learned nothing from this, or the previous venture back in the eighties learned the unlock codes received within nanoseconds upon switching on the accelerator.
The image right is the gate hole for the entry point of the Anti-Christ, Ayn Rand. Note that there are twelve exit paths coming out of the centre of the hole, it will need twelve of his most golden Damienite's to guard each exit and grab him before he escapes and makes his strike at the time of the Winter Solstice - the time of Earth's weakest moment. That is, of course, if the element codes - left - are defined in virtual-occult and translated to technical-logic-English and written as game software in time for all the children living in this world, hand-reared by the church, as no more than slaves, thwart his evil intentions.
What is little known about Jesus, is he is both true/false, good/bad, right/wrong, divine/evil. This is what makes him perfect. This attempt to hypnotise the so-called scientists of this world is to buy more time in heaven where he, God, all the angels, the devil and the rest of the stupid prat's who have taken the world/universe for a ride all this time have been taking the piss out of all of us.
String Theory suggests that up and down Quarks are all made of string. In a surprising scientific research they worked out the exact mass of a down Quark and it was measured at exactly - 666.666.666 of a gram. This leads scientists to believe that it was the Devil and not God that created our universe.
Annihilation[edit | edit source]
Due to the matter anti-matter properties of Antichrist and Christ, if the two were to meet, they would annihilate in a flash of energy. The matter parts of Christ and Antichrist disappear and transform into pure energy. The construction of the Antichrist mass spectrometer would allow theologians to witness the Antichrist on a subatomic level. However large scale Antichrist and Christ energy conversions are still beyond our technology to create but we are making progress, and in the future we may be able to harness energy created by prophet annihilations and thus eliminate our dependency on nonrenewable energy sources.
Some atheist philosophers, such as Stephen Hawking, posit that both Jesus Christ and Jesus anti-Christ were crucified and had both their bodies thrown into the same tomb, and therefore mutually annihilated each other, explaining why Jesus' body was never found after the tomb was opened by his followers. According to quantum physics, such annihilation event would not be an ordinary dematerialization of particles that cease to exist only forward in time, but, because of Jesus' omnipotence, the dematerialization would also propagate back in time (akin to the quantum eraser phenomenon), ultimately making God itself to not have ever existed in the first place, thus validating the atheist theory, where all that was nothing but an illusion.
Christian philosophers counter, though, that while that may well have some partial validity, the law of conservation of energy would entail also a conservation of Jesi Christs, predicting then that Jesus Christ and Jesus anti-Christ are constantly quantum-fluctuating in and out of existence since then. Ironically, possibly providing a more satisfactory explanation for Hawking radiation, since Christ's omnipotence would naturally allow for a escape from the black hole's event horizon, which is left unexplained for non-omnipotent normal radiation. The supporters of this interpretation of Quantum Mechanics posit that images of Christ materialized in wood, rocks, clouds, toasts, and other random objects are in fact evidence, vestiges of Christ's and anti-Christ's perpetual existence, countering the atheist hypothesis. Supporters of the atheist hypothesis dismiss that, insisting that such images are just random coincidences, although they can't explain why materialization of faces or images of random celebrities are not reported to the same scale.
Who Is The Antichrist?[edit | edit source]
Many theories exist, but the most notable include:
- Barney Frank
- Prince Charles
- Chuck Norris – though this is vehemently denied by his supporters, claiming that Chuck would be "the Antichrist's second worst nightmare"
- Oprah Winfrey
- Ghandi
- Edward Cullen
- Barack Obama
- Frosty the Snowman
- Elvis Presley
- Michael Jackson
- David Hasselhoff
- Johnny Depp
- Woman – a complete enemy of a man
- Barack Obama – a black-hole black US president.
- Rebecca Black
- Justin Bieber – a teenage supernova.
- Steve Ballmer
- Tim Tebow – Tricking the masses... many people are too blind to see this.
Marilyn Manson is most definitely not the antichrist, because that would be too obvious.
See also[edit | edit source]
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Satan. | |
 Original Satan: The one who fell first.
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The Scourge of Europe: EuroSatan
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| Satan Claus: Ensnaring dyslexics looking for Santa.
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Satan's apprentice: Prince of Darkness
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| Satan Bunny: Beware his cuddliness.
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The scariest Satan: Antichrist
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| Crankypants Satan: Invented toddlers and Disco
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The most incomprehensible Satan: Anti-Christ
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| Space Satan: aka Bat Fuck Satan
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Satan of gaming: Sega
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| Hellmo: Satan of Sesame Street
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Satan in command of enemy forces in War on Terra: Bambi
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| Satin: Is his name a typo?
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Satan's younger brother: Stan
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| Dick Cheney: Republican Satan.
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Satan's socialist alter ego: The Devil
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| GLaDOS: Futuristic Satan of portal
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Satan of video gaming: EA
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