XBible 360

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“The only computer game console which I approve of!”

~ God on the XBible 360

“This is 0.135 times better than the original XBible, with 10.002 times more preaching!”

~ Jesus on the math of the XBible 360

The XBible 360 is the Catholic answer to the OS/2 console. The XBible 360 has several improvements over provious bible models, such as the XBibleXBible and the Classic Bible. In reality, it is a highly modified version of the Classic Bible, but features such improvements such as ergonomicergonomic cross controllers, and XBible LiveXBible Live. It also uses the Holy Spirit to connect it's controllers to the system wirelessly.

Xbible logo.jpg
Xbible 360
The xBible360 is shown here with classic bible attachment.
Manufacturer Vatasoft
Type Hyper-advanced Reading Aid
Generation hippie
First available 1877 - 2056
Media Book
Controller input {{{controllers}}}
Online service xBible Live
Units sold 17 Gajilion
Top-selling game Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City

Features[edit]

Power[edit]

The XBible sports an experimental word processor, increasing the WPM capability of the reader. Four GNU prototype Christium 4 bookmarks are sported in this powerful book. Running on the questionable Windows Bible EditionWindows Bible Edition, the occasional blue screen of death may be seen if you overload the processing power of your brain or if a bug is spotted in the text. The New Testament binding system ensures your books will not be scratched from overuse. Writers of the system do complain of limited space on a book compared to the soon coming Gaystation 3Gaystation 3. Though this inhibits the systems capacity, caveats may be used with its hard page in the back used for storing additional stories.

Backwards compatibility[edit]

The XBible 360 supports minmal compatibility with Old Testament binding systems, with some requirements that you may need to glue a few patches to run your game. Sega Genesis games are also supported with extensive emulation of the paging system.

XBible Live[edit]

For the fee of a slaughtered goat, you can communicate with other players through advanced cup-and-string technology. Just don't get too dirty. That's against the 10 Terms of Service, and then you will be sent to gaming hell when you die, where you will have to play games based on Pixar movies for the rest of eternity. Isn't that fun?

Games[edit]

Questionability[edit]

Though the Xbible was a heralded system, many questions with Vatasoft's decisions over hardware exist, because they seem to have resulted in a cheaper system.

Page Indexer[edit]

Due to Windows Bible EditionWindows Bible Edition powering such a powerhouse of multiple books, the integration of Page Indexer is questionable due to its bugs and bloat. Many do believe the Mozilla fox-literally-on-fire Indexer is a better choice due to its extesibility and ability to block popup pages. Many complain that books have been burnt when inserted into a modified XBible 360. Though not a big problem for the careful user, Page Indexer may cause worms to affect the readers intestinal tract and page ads to be much more common. Though a painful experience in the end, it still does not deter the many users playing the system - especially in third-world countries.

Christium 4 Bookmark[edit]

Though a very powerful bookmark, many do not like the Christium 4. Problems of Xbibles overheating when the powerful 3 GHz page saving technology is not accompanied by a heatsinkheatsink. It is recommended to wash the Christium 4 in the heatsink at least once a week when used. Because nobody cares to read the manual, these problems are widespread.

"Bible Tar"[edit]

Books manufactured in the early days of the XBible had cheap rubber page rollers that would melt with extended playextended play. These problems are redundant mainly with gamers and normal users shouldn't give a damn. Later, these problems were solved with plastic rollers, though this ended up causing a problem with page bleeding. You may end up reading 2 or more pages at once.

Outsourcing[edit]

Soon the plastic rollers weren't cutting it and publishers had to find a better and cheaper rollers. Mexican rollers, which worked better than the plastic roller were used. They were cheaper and worked longer than the rollers previously used. This ended up with a contreversy about outsourcing parts. Some believe that plastic rollers need a job to do and deserve work. Others believe that outsourcing these parts is good, as they are giving jobs for foreign rollers.

Popular Books[edit]

There were many hits in the era of the XBible 360. Listed below, you can see several.

  • St. Madden Football
  • Halo
  • Gears of Love
  • Resident Jesus 4
  • Moses Combat: Deception
  • Grand Theft Auto: Vatican CityGrand Theft Auto: Vatican City
  • After-Life 2
  • Lost Soul
  • Midknight club
  • PBR: project bethlehem racing
  • Super Love Bros. Hugs
  • Call of Duty 888: The Crusades

System Specs[edit]

  • 266 hz IBM word microprocessor
  • 640 KB memory (Less if used with Alzhiemers Add-on)
  • 4 Christium 4 bookmarks
  • Variable Speed Fanboy (If used without application of a ritalin patch)
  • HeavanGate 14 Word Hard Page
  • Backwards compatibility with select versions of Old Testament books