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Paos, a prehistoric clovis culture American warrior who lived large on the land and reigned over so many women that they could not be counted, invented soap - which is Paos spelled backwards. Men called him their friend, and went to hunt with him, and baked the bread as only a man chef can bake it. Paos The Great, his story we tell.
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You see, children, when I was about your age, I figured out that my parents despised me, and I did something about it. Now that I've grown up a little, I decided to write this helpful guide, so I can assist any and all of you that might be in serious danger. What should you do if your parents wish your death upon you, and hope you only suffer? You'll find out soon. But first, I've designed a little test that should help you know if your parents really do hate you.
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I am at a Target store.
The one just past Mount Penglai's Chinese Buffet,
The one with the flimsy sneeze-guards,
The day-old slop resting under the heat lamps,
The slimy sucrose procession of fat-asses,
Scooping the communal gunk into their plates, into their holes—
I ate Singapore Lo Mein and met General Tso there.
He said, "I will suppress your sadness—
Like I suppressed the Taiping Rebellion.
I will be a friend for whom your words,
will be like spring rain to morning flowers,
If flowers were your stomach in this metaphor:
You fat, ugly fuck.
Hey, at least you've stopped drinking cough syrup."
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